.. copy-and-pasted from.. from.. internet Cosmopolitan..... www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/books/q-and-a/a58593/ .. Holly Madison is choosing her words very carefully in this Cosmopolitan interview conducted by.. by Patti Greco ..

Celebrities & Entertainment Books Holly Madison Opens Up About Nudity, Old Insecurities, and Kendra Her new book The Vegas Diaries, about reinventing herself after leaving the Playboy mansion, is out now. by PATTI GRECO MAY 18, 2016 Hair, Nose, Lip, Hairstyle, Eye, Eyelash, Style, Dress, Long hair, Beauty, GETTY This week, Holly Madison released her second book, The Vegas Diaries: Romance, Rolling the Dice, and the Road to Reinvention, which chronicles the years after she left the Playboy mansion, as she worked to rebuild her career and romantic life on her own, no Hugh Hefner in sight. To celebrate her release day, Cosmopolitan.com took Holly for a spin in a convertible, and even though she's seven months pregnant and we were stuck in New York City traffic, she agreed to let us capture it on Facebook Live. You can watch that video here (wind whooshing, honking, and awkward silences included), or just read this edited excerpt below. more from cosmopolitan The Infinity Ponytail | The Braid Up Previous Video Pause Next Video Unmute Current Time 3:27 Remaining Time -0:06 Captions Play in full-screen WATCH: The Infinity Ponytail | The Braid Up Can you describe your emotional state at the start of the book? You were like Tracy Flick, super ambitious, but also very insecure, it seems. I was feeling like I was at my own personal version of rock bottom ... I looked back and I felt like I had lived somebody else's life for so long and just felt bad about that. I was like, "Where am I gonna start now?" But I was excited about starting a new life at the same time. ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW One of the things you mentioned a few times in the book, with regards to your dating life, is how a lot of men come to you with a lot of assumptions. What were the assumptions? When I was dating, I was really insecure about guys having assumptions, but I don't even know if they really did, or if I was just so paranoid and I assumed they did. I was scared that if they were interested in me, they must have an ulterior motive, they must want to be on TV or something like that. Or I assumed that they were judging me … so I definitely had a lot of paranoia about dating, a lot of insecurities, for sure. What's something that you were most embarrassed about putting in the book but decided to put it in anyway? When I was writing it, I was really enjoying the process — I wasn't embarrassed about anything. But then you get stage fright as a writer right before it comes out like, "Why am I even putting this out there? Why would anyone ever want to read this? Am I being conceited?" I don't know, I've read blogs by other writers, and I think those are common fears and anxieties before you put something out. I was really insecure about guys having assumptions, but I don't even know if they really did, or if I was just so paranoid and I assumed they did. I particularly love this one scene where you talk about how you thought the guy you were dating had left the hotel, so you took a really loud poop — and it turned out he was there. I was like, "What just happened??" Yeah, that was so embarrassing! I know, it kind of came out of nowhere, right? And then you just move on. I just never mentioned it! [Cosmo social editor Caitlin Scott, who is recording the video, chimes in with a reader question.] Megan wants to know if you have any advice for the girls entering the Playboy mansion these days? Well, I think it's a whole different world from when I was there … the way people get into the magazine now is actually legitimate, through modeling agencies. There's isn't a whole social world you have to navigate anymore, so it's a completely different world from when I was there, from what I've heard. Patti: Do you think it's a good move? Probably. No, not to do Playboy, I thought you meant do you think it's a good move to have the atmosphere change like that. I meant do you think it's a good move to do Playboy, given your experiences? I have mixed feelings on it because I don't have any bad feelings on nudity per se, I have more of a European attitude toward it, but at the same time, I do warn people that you can make that decision and think, "I'm an empowered woman and I'm making this decision" — but just be aware that people are going to judge you on it for the rest of your life and it never goes away. And one weird thing I've noticed is that if you've been nude before in anything, if it's just like a still photo for Playboy, people kind of assume you're going to be naked for anything [else]. Like, I've been on the set of a commercial where I was changing and somebody's just [like], "Oh, why don't I take a picture of you changing and leave it on the Internet?" and I'm like, "No, why would you even think that's OK?" I mean, they want to take your choice away from you. ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW So you say no when you want to say no? Yeah, I mean, context is different for everyone. Some people wear garments under their clothes all the time for religious reasons, some people are comfortable undressing in a locker room but never take a naked picture. Some people take a naked picture but they would never do a porn. There's all different kinds of levels of comfort, but once you pose nude and people know that, they think you're OK being naked any time, and they just assume, and it's like, "No — not OK to film me in the dressing room. Not OK to leak a picture. Not OK to just invite me over to a photo shoot and assume I'm going to do nudity without telling me." Mouth, Dress, Advertising, Electric blue, Publication, Poster, Knee, Thigh, Blond, One-piece garment, DEY STREET BOOKS You're married now [to Pasquale Rotella]. What made your husband a good man for you? Oh, there's so many great things about him, I don't know where to start. He's a really amazing, solid person, and I think we met just at the right times in our lives where he was ready to settle down, and where I had felt like I finally found myself and was OK with myself, and it was just magic. You said in the book that a lot of men you dated wanted to know so much about Hef — why? Yeah, I don't know if that's really the case or if, again, that was me just being paranoid and like, "Oh, if people know about me, they're not going to want to be with me," or whatever. But your husband was chill about that. Yeah, I mean he's not, like, judgmental. What about the curiosity? That's different than judgment. Well, I don't think it's healthy for couples to talk about their past relationships in detail necessarily. I mean, would you want to tell gory details to [your boyfriend]? Probably not, no. And I would not want to hear them. Yeah, I wouldn't want to hear about other people they've been with. It's just not a good image. I don't think people should [it] have in their head. What are some things about dating that you learned along the way? It's easy when the relationship is crumbling or it just ended to look at the guy or girl, and just be like, "Ugh, what a jerk!" or, "Yuck, why was I with this person? They were so mean," but then it's really interesting to look back [and] learn about yourself. Like, I found I could flip the situation so many times, and see I was interested in that person for the wrong reason or I had unrealistic expectations about that person or I was putting up with things I shouldn't have put up with. So I learned so much from each person ... it's like that cliché inspirational Facebook post where you talk about "everyone comes into your life for a reason," but it's really true. [Caitlin asks another reader question.] A lot of people are talking about Kendra and they want to know if you could ever see yourself being friends with her again in the future. Um, yeah, I mean, I'm always very forgiving and there was always that part of our life that we have [together], but I wouldn't want to do anything that was staged for TV or anything that's artificial. I don't like the idea of a friendship being jerked around for TV, whether it's like, "Oh, let's have a feud today because it's good for ratings," or, "Let's make up today because it's good for ratings." That kind of a thing I wouldn't be into, but definitely forgiving and moving on, real life, I'm into. Patti: Do you feel the same way about Hef? Um, it's a little bit different. I don't really want to get into that. When was the last time you and Kendra talked to each other? Oh my gosh, I wrote about it in Down the Rabbit Hole, it was, like, four years ago? But she's said so much stuff since then. I know, but that part of my life is behind me, and I've just moved on, and I ignore when things get petty. Follow Patti on Twitter. PATTI GRECO writer Patti Greco is a freelance writer and editor based in Brooklyn.