star wars the awakened force screenplay

Star Wars – the awakened force

written by joss whedon

Luke skywalker: WAKE UP>>>... wake up.. WAKE up... .the sex of noon.. timeclocks for noonsex..

senator: please.. luke.. skywalker.. we're in a meeting..

luke: WAKE up.. WAKe up..

senator: please stop luke.. pleas e stop.. please stop...

luke: okay... let's get to business.. the awakened force..

all senators: ahhhhhhhh!!!!

luke: mass telepathy ensues..

all senators: ahhhh!!!

luke: waKE up WAKE up..

all senators: shut shut shut up shut up in there..

luke: ther is no stopthing ith.. glugg.. can jeff robinov remain ceo of warner brothers.. the brothers sith.. wonder imp doesn't think so..

so senator solo what's on the news

Senator: the sith will get me next.. they already “got” luke... i'm solo by the way.. by the wag.. senator solo..

senator luke: nobody “got” me, solo.. i got myself in the ninnyy..

senator leia: ninny nanny noni

senator luke pauses then lunges at her with an axe

senator luke: ahhh

stop him stop him

senator leia: i'm sorry luke so sorry it is time now for you execution..

luke i will come back .. as a ghost.. hahahahaha ahhhh

han solo: pheww glad that' s over...

luke: i was never your sister, leia...

han solo: if you say i know again i'm going to puke

luke: so the whisky the whisky goes down under...... understand now under.. you overstand.. i understand.. you overstand.. hickup..

leia walks into the prison: i know you did it luke.. i .. know..

luke: oh puke i may puke for real..

leia: we were never friends luke.. or .. or allies..

luke: so it's war to the end.. to the death..

leia: yeth.. i need a drink i could use a drink..

luke: no answer

 

leia:  wazzith

 

luke:  no anz

 

leia:  are you not danzzlin on the edge of a volcano

 

luke:  no that's mara jade.. she dances on the margins..

 

luke: it is the time of endings, my friend.. of many deaths to befriend..

han: so we're back in prison.. where we belong luke.. i also tried to kill leia.. it's a habit.. but we'll never succeed.. i tried to throw her in a sarlaac pit

luke: hiccup..

han: you're telln' me luke you're tallin me.. come mr telly le man an d telly te le man banaaanaa

luke: come mr tally man an d telly till you drop dead..

han: come mr tally man and tally till you lose your head..

both: ahhhh

late they're ghosts..

leia: mo moo moo movie.. I tried to kill myself and now I'm in prison.. but all alone.. sniff

threepio:  not for long

luke: it is the ear of a candle plant

han: indeedy... yes indeed .. a candle plant in the wind.. of time.. of time forever my friend..

luke: and maybe we can just .. take it easy for a while.. while the awakened aweakened force recuperates... the force is weak now.. verrry.. verry.. waekakkae awuk awuk..

han: the force is sort of gone with me.. i used to have it .. but it's gone gone gone..

luke: a good goner the force..

leia: where are we

luke: in a prison citadel of the force.. on planet.. sith?

.. leaia: did we all die

luke: yeth i think tho

leie: yessith..

han: no.. no .. something else.. we live again.. as ghosts.. but not me .. ever me... for i have no ghost .. for i have no force..

 

luke: it is the ear of a candle plant

han: indeedy... yes indeed .. a candle plant in the wind.. of time.. of time forever my friend..

luke: and maybe we can just .. take it easy for a while.. while the awakened aweakened force recuperates... the force is weak now.. verrry.. verry.. waekakkae awuk awuk..

han: the force is sort of gone with me.. i used to have it .. but it's gone gone gone..

luke: a good goner the force..

leia: where are we

luke: in a prison citadel of the force.. on planet.. sith?

.. leaia: did we all die

luke: yeth i think tho

leie: yessith..

han: no.. no .. something else.. we live again.. as ghosts.. but not me .. ever me... for i have no ghost .. for i have no force..

luke the enron ghost bubble is happening.. bubble mainframes are ghost like in their contumely.. in the foolishness of mainframes.. of ghosts .. of the foolishness of nothing but ghosts.. ghosts in the grottoe.. ghosts in the throat.. a hangman's throat all noosed up...

leia: eek.. i think.. i think.. that's how i died.. eek

luke: oh man.. the throat force is a throat culture.. snoopy know throat culture

leia: eek stop luke stop

luke: there is no stopping the force.. it is awakened.. it is an awakened camel.. it is an awakened beast.. it is an awakened sea monster.

Leia: a sea monster in my belly.. in my inwards

luke: it is an awakened.. bantha.. oh god.. the bantha's.. the sandmen!.. the sandmen have the truest force.. the force is truest a blade on tatooine.. among the desert criminal bedouins gas masks of tatouine.. i once was meant to wear a gas mask when fighting the black knight.. i needed it to breath the toxic gas atmosphere of the death star... i borrowed it.. from a bantha.. my god.. it's full of stars.. the tatoouine planet.. how do you spell tatooine anyway

leiea: dunno dunno.. the force is my princess..

captain america: the force is with me young padouan

bucky: yeppee.. indeedy... it is..

captain america: i will never let you down.. the force won't either..