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Star Trek: Beyond Recognition
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Fucking seriously.
This trailer looks SO BAD. Like, I'm literally upset, and I'm not a fanboy that gets upset at shit like this normally. I can't remember the last time I got this upset about anything movie-related. And I actually liked the first J.J. Trek! But this piece of shit looks so fucking Poochie-fied it's bordering on a parody of a parody. Crappy Beastie Boys song? Kirk jumping shit on a dirt bike? A hot Kung-Fu chick kicking ass?
I have no idea what this movie is supposed to be, but it's NOT Star Trek.
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"We at the network want a STAR TREK with attitude. It's edgy, it's "in your face." You've heard the expression, "let's get busy"? Well, this is a STAR TREK that gets "biz-zay!" Consistently and thoroughly."
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So it's proactive huh?
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"Its 5 year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go TO THE EXTREME!!!!"
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When are they gonna get to the fireworks factory??
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I still think they need to Rastify it a bit.
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STAR TREK: POINT BREAK
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Star Trek : Young Dumb and Full Of...
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Star Trek: The Empire Strikes Backside
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This conjures images of those douche bags in Harold and Kumar in the 7-eleven.
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
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Totally.
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Slow clap...
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Agreed. This makes TOS 'Spock's Brain' episode look like Hamlet.
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It makes the Ewoks look like fucking Shaft!
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It makes Jar Jar look like Laurence Olivier.
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"Meesa to be, or meesa not to beesa."
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Holy cow! Hahahaha!
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It makes Into Darkness look like The Wrath of Khan. Oh, wait...
Still, it makes that pile of badly-recycled poodoo look better by comparison.
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It makes Adele look like Lionel Richie.
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Maybe if she started using Jheri Curl...
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WHOA!!!! Little too far there bub!
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That's how I roll.
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It makes Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X!
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Extra points for Chappelle Show reference.
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It's probably Hynes who came up with that line, considering Pegg's latest efforts.
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It Makes "And The Children Shall Lead" look like a good story and Melvin Belli good casting.
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Now that would make for a good remake... but with Jared Fogle as the lead baddie, Gorgan.
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Bro Trek!
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Needs more boobies Bro
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Yeah, that Beastie Boys tune sure does make me nostalgic for the good ol'days of 2009. You remember those days, right? Back when THEY ALREADY USED THAT SAME FUCKING SONG AT THE BEGINNING OF THE FIRST FILM!!!!!!
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That dirtbike needed a clown horn.
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I'm with you on this. I liked the first two J.J. Trek films, but this looks...not good. However, I'd like to point out that "Sabotage" isn't a bad song, it's just kind of dumb to keep using it in the context of Star Trek.
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It's not even pronounced right.
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Ditto. We all know, per the Shat, that it's Sa-ba-TAJ.
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Oh, this has nothing to do with "Sabotage". Innocent Bystander in all of this.
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Agreed. As I just told someone else, Sabotage was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
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Also, this song was in the first reboot film that JJ did as well.
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As of now, the majority of the reboot films feature the exact same Beastie Boys song.
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'Poochie-fied'. Bang on.
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There are no crappy Beastie Boys songs. Granted anything from Paul's Boutique would've been better, and they probably shouldn't have reused Sabotage, but the main problem here is that trailer looks horrible. I understand the budget was half what the budget for the first one was, and it shows in all the wrong ways. Trek is dead.
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I can see the trailer now; "Alien; Covenant" set to "Egg Man".
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Or a reboot of The Fisher King set to Johnny Ryall
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"Johnny Ryall, who do you think you are?" plays over Parry naked in Central Park. Might have to save that one for the redband trailer.
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Do you mean "I am the Walrus"?
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Nobody knows what it's supposed to be, but it's provocative.
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Lol. One of my fave phrases to drop at an opportune moment.
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I've got a quote like that I like to use. If I see a less than attractive woman with a boy I'll comment that some woman are trying to catch man, to keep a man, not her, she's trying to raise a man. Its great every time, as long as I only use it once a year.
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Its just a teaser designed to grab mainstream attention in front of the biggest movie of all time. Like the recent BvS trailer, it's designed for mainstream American audiences. Anyone notice the trailer is going for the whole GotG thing?
Here, hope this helps...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...
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Oh, it's getting attention, alright.
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Here's the difference
Guardians wasn't rape, and was actually good. This is, and will not be
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Big budget 5 year mission that doesn't look like it was filmed on a cheap set with boring Next Gen type aliens and characters: Check.
Strange new world: Check.
Kirk teaming up with hot alien babe to kick ass and solve the mystery: check.
Classic Spock/Bones interplay: Check.
Aliens kidnapping the Enterprise crew and other species and experimenting on them on strange new world: Check.
Dangers of exploration revealed while remaining optimistic: Check.
'Da fuq more do you fucktards want?
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And that's exactly why the first two movies were so terrible, because they had a checklist like that they made without context or meaning. For example green girl, check.
Now if you actually knew anything about Star Trek they would know the green girl was An Orion, a mafia style race. For which there are none in Starfleet, and for good reason. But because they just want to Kirkbanging a green girl they went with it.
They can't even stick to their own bullshit excuses for why their continuity has changed. They don't even understand the technology. The captain of the Kelvinwould've been beamed over by the Romulans. Because JJ was trying to make Star Wars and not Star Trek, everybody flu and shuttles even when it made no sense. He built the enterprise in a gravity well, which made absolutely no sense whatsoever in any way shape or form. Literally there's hundreds of these. When I got home from the movie, it took me 15 minutes to write an outline using many of the same story points, That completely fit into Star Trek canon, and actually worked as a Star Trek movie. They just didn't care. Star Trek is not about superficiality, nor is any other franchise. Now go back to family Guy it's about all your attention span you can actually handle
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Who says there are none in Starfleet? That worthless shit Enterprise show which killed Trek for a decade? The Romulans had a damaged ship after their trip through the unstable wormhole, so just maybe their transporters were fucked? Why not build a ship on a planet? With adjustable artificial gravity the ship could easily move in and out of plenty of atmospheric conditions.
Oh, and this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...
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DS9 deals extensively with the Orion Syndicate.
Because the shape of the ship requires obscene amounts of power just to keep it from falling apart For starters
And to further prove JJ's idiocy, and obsession with putting spaceships in atmosphere for no reason which is ably demonstrated in the JJWars trailers. Why would you put a starship under water, where the forces on it make assembling it (not to mention achieving orbit) a tremendous waste of time and energy, when the natives have no ability to see it IN ORBIT. Just a thought, even without transporters, which makes more noise?
Fill your bathtub, put a plate on the bottom and lift. That should ably demonstrate.
Ask any engineer these questions. They will give you the same answers
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I could walk down to the screen and take a dump in the center of the stage... right in front of the biggest movie of all time and I guarantee it wild grab the mainstream attention of most of the audience. But it would still be a steaming pile of shit.
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What if someone calls my mom a whore?
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Did your mom ask them to get her a whore? If not, then she's not obligated to pay for the services.
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Is she?
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Right Boot.
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Would they then have to start paying her?
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Then you should knock them the fuck out, even if she is a whore.
Be a man.
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Thanks for posting that. And I agree.
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I hope you're right...
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I hope so. Did anyone else get the vibe that this was a big budget take on the original Trek pilot "The Cage"?
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Well it will be less awkward when Kirk says "I have to go now... My Planet needs me." and then rises up out of the frame.
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This would be the greatest movie ever if that happens.
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Yeah but imagine this exact trailer but with the original cast of Shatner, Nimoy et-al and we'd all say it was awesome.
Well...... I would.
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Its that ficking song. Whoever chose it should be clearing their desk.
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But again, imagine if it was Shatner on the motorbike.
It would be AMAZING.
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Not at his age.
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Especially at his age!
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I know, right? The Shat still rides horses, and what's a motorbike but a horseless horse!
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Tony, there is no sense of wonder in you.
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Maybe if the motorbike had a clown horn.
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You missed '09 Trek I'm guessing?
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It worked for an establishing scene of a kid stealing a car. That Captain Kirk would play it on the bridge of the enterprise is just embarrassing. More than that, it's kind of insulting to the audience IMO. EDIT OK, it's not actually the Enterprise.
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There has to be some kind of Starfleet regulations about that...
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Watch the trailer again. Clearly the Enterprise crew gets trapped on a planet or in some kind of virtual reality where they're being tested with other races by someone. Go watch the original pilot "The Cage" and watch the trailer again.
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That's a very intriguing take you have there. If it's as clever as that then my hat's off to them.
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Caught it on DVD.
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The one with the Beastie Boys song?
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Cant remember. Ive only seen it once and didnt particularly enjoy it.
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Then why the fuck are you here? Do you see me commenting on the Marvel articles?
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- Tony DiWonderful zeeman1 • a day ago
Because I want a good Star Trek film.
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- zeeman1 Tony DiWonderful • a day ago
We've already had good Trek from the last 2, and this new trailer looks a lot like a "Wagon Train to the Stars"...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...
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- Tony DiWonderful zeeman1 • a day ago
I said a good Star Trek. That last one was a big ol pile of shit.
Inferior in every way to WOK and laughable in places.
The cast and crew were in their infancy with the audience. Spock shouting Khaaaaan and Kirk's death scene were embarrassing. They didnt resonate at all and only served to remind how great Shatner and Nimoy were in those same moments.
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- zeeman1 Tony DiWonderful • 5 hours ago
And yet it was still completely faithful to TOS.
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Sorry, but I'd watch 2 hours of someone painting a wall if it was set to that song.
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Nothing wrong with the song. Putting it in a Star Trek trailer is all kinds of wrong though.
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Worse than Magic Carpet ride... at least that had context though...
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It's not even that it's there - it's the fact that they're actually talking about it in the trailer. Just...no.
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I'm completely indifferent to Star Trek I'm afraid, although I found the first reboot entertaining.
As far as that trailer goes however, I'm sorry, but it looked pretty good (apart from the "Let's not do that again" line), although I'm not sure if I'd have thought the same if it hadn't been set to 'Sabotage'...
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See the thing is though , I wouldnt consider myself a trekker but I love that the Star Trek films never used to rely on noise , explosions and special effects . They were always a great alternative when you wanted your sci fi a little more laid back and somewhat old fashioned.
This does indeed look like The Fast and Furious in Space and its not something that looks very appealing to an old fart like me.
Not serious enough for grown up sci fi and too empty headed to be enjoyed like something like Guardians of the Galaxy.
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Let you into a secret - I'm in my 40's myself. I'm strange when it comes to films though; some of my all-time favourites are films like Platoon, Full Metal Jacket, Blade Runner, Alien, The Thing, LOTR - most a cut above standard popcorn fare - but I can quite happily sit and enjoy stuff like Transformers (well, the first 2), and the Trek reboot for what they are; a bit of light entertainment which doesn't ask too much of me. Obviously, films like that will never be in my top ten (or even 100 for that matter), but I'm not above being entertained by them for a few hours.
Guardians of the Galaxy is an example of a near-perfect popcorn film for me - in the same league as Ghostbusters, and that kind of film. Of course nu-Trek is nowhere NEAR that category, but it was inoffensive (to me) fun.
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- Tony DiWonderful Pawpr1nt • 2 days ago
Im sure weve got similar tastes. I love a good old Sunday afternoon popcorn film but theres just something so cynical about these new Treks . They leave me cold as entertainment and dont hold my attention as sci fi.
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- Pawpr1nt Tony DiWonderful • 2 days ago
Oh don't get me wrong - nu-Trek is cinematic fast food; I won't remember it afterwards, I'll probably be hungry again later, but I enjoyed eating it, and it didn't put me off most fast food!
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- Tony DiWonderful Pawpr1nt • 2 days ago
I feel that way about the Mission Impossible films , well the last two at least. Really started enjoying them now Cruise has decided to give his team a bit more of the spotlight
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- Pawpr1nt Tony DiWonderful • 2 days ago
Is it bad that I've only ever seen the first one, and that only once?
What's your thoughts on the MCU and the 'cinematic food scale'?
I'd call it a banquet with all the dishes being well-prepared and tasty, though many are very similar tasting, but the courses are punctuated by a few really stunning dishes.
Christ, I need to not talk about films when I'm hungry...
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- Tony DiWonderful Pawpr1nt • 2 days ago
I loved Iron Man, both Captain America films , Guardians of The Galaxy and Avengers. Daredevil was epic television.
Ant Man was good , liked the first Thor.
Jessica Jones started well but meandered a bit.
I watch AOS but its like you say just fast food tv.
Havent really hated any of them but Iron Man 3 and AOU were pretty dull.
High hopes for Civil War though.
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- Pawpr1nt Tony DiWonderful • a day ago
I think my least favourites are Ant-Man, The Hulk, and Dark World - but even they are entertaining.
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- Tony DiWonderful Pawpr1nt • a day ago
Yeah The Dark World suffered from the main villain being boring compared to Loki.
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- Pawpr1nt Tony DiWonderful • a day ago
Agreed. Have to say that most of the Marvel Villains have been pretty bland bar Loki, Red Skull, and the Winter Soldier. Although I did find Ultron to be fairly interesting.
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- zeeman1 Tony DiWonderful • 2 days ago
Except...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...
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- Scott Lines Pawpr1nt • a day ago
The trailer resembles a Roger Corman rip off of Guardians of The Galaxy. Dismal, embarrassing and totally without merit. Fuck Paramount and fuck this shitty franchise.
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- Pawpr1nt Scott Lines • a day ago
Didn't get that from the trailer. I'll watch this on Sky though, but I won't go out of my way to see it.
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So this trailer was empty headed but GotG wasn't.
OK then.
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Not only that, I thought the Beastie Boys were anti-using-their-music-to-sell-product.
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This. I mean if they were going to let any trailer have Sabotage over the top of it couldn't it have been Sabotage.
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They're whores like just about every musician who isn't currently charting with new material. Time and a decline in royalties has a way of straightening people out on that subject.
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I wouldn't know either way, but that would definitely seem like a stance they'd take. Wonder how/why Abrams convinced them?
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I'd give the entire Godfather trilogy a "Thumbs Down" if that song was played over the end credits of the third one so we're basically polar opposites where that's concerned.
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It'd be a funny old world if we were all the same!
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Did anyone see the first JJ Trek?? Kirk likes the Beaastie Boys...this is a reference to that, clearly, Scotty walks in on Kirk playing that song...which was clearly established as a fav of his on the 2009 film. You people take the cake... but you never look at it, just complain about it not being the right color!
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Song should have stopped in that scene then. You don't preface a space show with fucking beastie boys!!! GO HOME!!
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Then why did GotG have all kinds of old rock songs throughout the entire movie? Did you complain about that?
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Guardians of the star trek galaxy? Did star lord and captain kirk go I an adventure that I don't know about? Last I remember, gotg was a comic book set in the marvel universe, not star trek.
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because he was from the 80s and the music was 20 years old and was given to him by his parents (they would have listened to it at his age, it is something parents do) Sabotage is 272 years old at the time of this film, given the time in real terms that long ago Mozart wasn't even born. his carer in the first film didn't seem the type to introduce nearly 3 century old music to his little shit of a step son
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The music in Guardians was part of the plot - it was the mix-tape his mum made him; and was his last connection to her and to his time on Earth. The Beastie Boys song (which I like) was established as something Kirk enjoyed listening too during one scence when he was a boy. That was enough. Referencing it at the opening of a trailer was turly, despairingly crass. It is telling people that Star Trek is pop-culture referencing, ironic, funny and disposable franchise. Star Trek is none of those things. This is NOT Star Trek.
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That song was retarded in the first movie, too.
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Sabotage would be 272 years old if they are at the start of their 5 year mission. it is very hard to belive it would be Kirks favourite song. and to be honest the song is the least of this trailers problems. it looks fucking awful and if this is what they think Star Trek has to become in the world of film they should just let it die.
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Looks like Paramount wants Star Trek to have a Guardians of The Galaxy vibe to it.
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Note: Poochie died on the way back to his home planet.
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Look at the bright side, I own't be spending $15 to see this in theaters. So many movies to watch this year and this isn't one of them. Star Trek: FAIL!
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Congrats to you sir for the "Poochie" reference. Bravo.
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Simon Pegg is the new Dudley Moore. A once fine British comedian who was given a lot of dollars and turned into a colossal cunt. He's not funny and seeing him doing action stuff is fucking laughable. Fuck him and fuck this abortion.
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*sigh* I loves me some Pegg, but I fear that you may have a point.
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First of all.... I love that you said "poochie" so up vote for that alone. Yes the trailer, well it does look disappointing.
However.... Sabotage is a fucking awesome song and throws back to the first JJ Trek. (Maybe not the best choice for the trailer however)
also we don't know WHY or HOW there is a dirt bike on whatever planet they are on, it COULD be earf, or it might be from Enterprise wreckage or maybe some other plausible explanation... but yes it looks out of place OUT of context.
lastly... "A hot Kung-Fu chick.." if you say so... some weird ass looking chick alien doesn't do it for me, not one that looks like that anyway... I'd take Neytiri from Avatar anyday over the Albino, spikey face Trek girl you think is hot. Gimme that blue tail (pun intended)
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1. Poochie is practically part of the American lexicon by now. :)
2. Sabotage actually IS a good song when taken on its own...however, I've already had to say several times in this thread, that poor song just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
3. The dirt bike is just as dumb as the dune buggy in Star Trek: Nemesis. I don't think I've ever seen a Trek vehicle with wheels before that, ever.
4. "Hot Kung-Fu chick" was not my personal designation...it more than likely says just that in the notes written on the Star Trek Beyond script by the studio heads: "It looks okay so far, but we need more explosions, and oh yes...Mr. Smith says he wants a Hot Kung-Fu Chick. The kiddies love those."
5. Your craving for blue vaginas is weird.
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Google "Blue Waffle".....
But BEFORE you do be warned, there are things... which can never be unseen.
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Much like goatse, yes.
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That Beastie Boys song is not 'crappy'. That's a going too far, seriously.
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No offence. Sabotage was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
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It's true. All of it.
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You lousy blum.
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All it needs is the Rock.
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When a movie doesn't look classy enough for the Rock you know it's in trouble.
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He was in Voyager.
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So? Many, many people had more than one role in Star Trek. I could see him in a different role.
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You sure read a lot into my comment.
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Well your comment was was short and open to interpretation. I chose to read between the non-existing lines.
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Sounds like Liberal thinking.
Sometimes the obvious and simple is satisfying and noteworthy.
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The rock as Harry Mudd.
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The Rock as the penis rock from What Little Girls Are Made Of.
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Maybe you're kidding, but I think this is genuinely a phenomenal idea.
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The Rock had a blink and youll miss it part in Star Trek Into Darkness.
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More like...
Star Trek: The music video.
Just needs a Kirk sitting in a jacuzzi surrounded by big booty models twerking and sipping on Cristal.
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That actually might improve this piece of sh--.
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Star Trek FUBAR
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Star Trek: Insurrection 2.0
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I was thinking the exact same.
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