Notes from the schizophrenic underground

This is Hanno.  My email is hraudsepp@aol.com

Note from Batman: Batman honestly believes all cell-phones have a nanotechnological flesh-eating disease inside them, air-transmitable.

Hi matt damon, johnny depp, lisa rinna, winona ryder, kate moss, harry Knowles, moriarty, it's hanno, hanno raudsepp.  My address  is 41 o'neil crescent, Trenton, Canada.  Look up my address on the White pages in Canada on the internet under the name, Andres Raudsepp.  He's my father.  Look up - white pages - on the internet.  Then enter the name, - Andres Raudsepp -  and - Trenton - for city.  You'll find two cities of Trenton for that name, on in the States, the other in Canada.  My address, 41 o'neil crescent, is in Canada.  Come meet me.


 

Notes from the schizophrenic underground

The Scarlet Witch is the Key. She is being kept in an inescapable Kafka labyrinth by her father Magneto. He believes she will hurt Havok, simply by her mere existance. Magneto is a protector. He will protect Havok from the Scarlet Witch, who Magneto believes can bend the fabric of reality. Magneto solicits Dr. Strange's help to maintain the Scarlet Witch in a coma. An eternal coma.

The need to know the secrets of dusk is as a meaning in a snowdrift either in the palace of knowledge which is Nietzsche's... wait, I'm getting ahead of myself here. Okay, here is the mesage: “we don't know (italics preferred) when (italics as well) the0 the starting of a.. a type of avala- know I mean the actual idea is to know what is meant by the same idea of . Erik, it's me Hanno, this is your old friend who is unable to qued yet identify himself but I will make – We're just going to be known as the two people who want to make sure that you get your novel to the presses and I'm going to be talking all throughout the novel.. “he hanno what is going on with your ideas

This is going to e the oh, wiath, oh well, it's like I want to start the sentence with a lower capital letter but, well, its just, you know.. Wait let's try again I want to learn how to write in the listen Hanno we'll try later.

There is no need to .

If I don't write then it won't be something to the

This is me..

If I don't get this thing on the ball I won't be able to do any of the things which will derive from it. So, let's just – okay, so my name is maya.. and I have schizophrenia and this is where thi (hanno, part of my schizophrenia is that my spelling is- wait, what does.. we'll talk later) narrative will begin.

Okay so, I'm living in a sense of the

(all of the previous prose is the many attempts of Maya to begin writing her narrative )

there is something that I wanted to say from the start. See, it's like, Hanno, maybe you can help me, we'll talk later

(this is all reflective of the fragmented condition of the schizophrenic sufferer)

I have an odd dyslexia... (Hanno is telling me that some people might think that James Joyce had dyxlexia from reading Finnegans wake.) thi I don't know ho yu write bcause it is justice like see I have actually read some of finnegans wake and it is.. see Hanno is themselves

Sometimes I call myself 'mary', I don't know why..

It's me- Jerry. It is going to be a- something out of a Hamlet soliloquy, this book.. to be or not to be..

Jerry: Hi, Hanno, I wanted to talk about Fallujah, and the terrifying mystery at the core of it. Did the United States use chemical weapons against the Iraqi population in Fallujah, causing babies to be born- the word that is used: “deformed”. I don't like to use that word, it sounds disrespectful to the victimized baby. The baby is born distorted. That doesn't sound good either. But “deformed” is like... what happens to people in comic books. I apoligize for mentioning comic books in connection with the gravity of Fallujah.

Comic books... my mind is in a bad place. Taking a photograph of a victimized child. It's like putting that child in a comic book panel. As if you're making it part of a narrative. And the privacy and identity of the child is swept away by it. I can't get that image of the child-victim of Fallujah out of my mind, and when that's the case, I can't do anything; I'm paralyzed. All I can do is flop on the sofa and rest, just dissolve my eyes into black depths of nothing... I can't connect the image to any action. An action would defile the image.

Hanno: What does schizophrenia bring you in one phase of it- a sense of justice, all the paradigms of reality coming together as reconfigured puzzle pieces into a finished puzzle of justice.

Hanno this is e e me ee hanno we need to like be contained in our areas of hanno let's just say we... I mean, hanno let's talk

Hanno, in “Ulysses” when Stephan Daedelus describes a pyre as a disappointed bridge. I sometimes feel like I'm a disappointed bridge. What did Nietzsche say, “man is a bridge, not a goal” It's interesting, all the literary giants mention bridges.

Waiting. It is moral to wait. Punctuality is not moral. It is either amoral or anti-moral. Because you can spend what seems like your whole existence just waiting for a time when accomplishing something, anything, is not an immoral action. That's obsessive-compulsive disorder. Or schizophrenia. I can't tell them apart anymore, not since I started thinking of the obsessive-compulsive element of my schizophrenic condition.

... hanno its may a here.. maya..

Waiting. How long did the Iraqi's have to wait for the economic sanctions against the Iraqi population to be finished. Incidentally, I'm wondering if you could make a study of the evolution of the political language of sanctions. During the Obama-Romney campaign, both candidates spoke overtly about the deliberate intention and “success” of the sanctions against Iran in impoverishing the Iranian economy. Doing direct, intentional damage to the economy of a country- have sanctions aways been talked about in those terms? It's like being President of the United States or part of its cabinet is the same as being the heads of Enron. Except Enron didn't cause 500,000 deaths of Iraqi children.

During.. hanno wait you were just writing down thought, I'll come back al lil lalter... Hanno: Sure okay. We'll talk. I think I was just thinking that during the decade of economic sanctions against Iraq there was a concerted attempt by the American politicians concerned to say that it was only Saddam who was causing the poverty, it was said that Kurdistan's economic successes during the sanctions regime were proof of that. I remember reading on an anti-sanctions website that most of the arable land in Iraq was in Kurdistan and that this was a factor in Kurdistan's comparative success. It was the official “food-basket” of Iraq.

I felt sorry for Saddam Hussein, when I saw that first picture of his face after he'd been located, with that haunted, wounded, desolate look and his scraggly overgrowth of beard. I'm not sure how safe it is to say that you feel sorry for him. I'm reading a book, “Genocide in Iraq”, about Iraq before and during the sanctions regime, and the book straddles between condemning Saddam Hussein personally and praising the Iraqi Ba'ath regime of which he was the head and source of domestic policy. The book praises the economic accomplishments of the “Ba'ath regime” rather than mentioning Saddam himself directly as the proponent of these accomplishments.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD, asks you the question whether you could be as evil as Saddam Hussein. Schizophrenia then tells you exhaustively that you already are.

... as evil as Saddam Hussein. I say that without knowing what Saddam Hussein actually personally did. I know about the gassing of the Kurds, I believe it was a Halabcha. I've read a horrific account of a child, a little girl, being suffocated by the sheer mass of a crowd of people in a train. To be suffocated by the compression of crowds of people together. Is that possible? Is there absolutely no air that can escape between them?

A couple of years ago -

Maya, it's me... Ishtar. I wanted to talk to you about.. your friend... and mine.. Ahmadinejad. I think he is truly... affrighted.. for Iran.. for its population.. for what seems to be an impending attack by Israel. 'Operation Cast lead'... yes.. and '\operation \pillar of Defense'.... such an attack on Iran.. I 'm sorry, what were you saying, Maya. Oh, that he is most likely relieved Hillary Clinton is no longer Secretary of State.. ah, yes, haha, I'm sorry.. I didn't think of that.. What did she say.. that they, if Iran launched a nucleur attack on Israel, the United States “would be able to obliterate them”.. the population of Iran.. she said it was “a terrible thing to say”, unlike Madeline Albright's saying in her autobiography, in respect to the economic sanctions against Iraq, that as soon as she had said that the deaths of the population was a price they were willing to pay, she immediately regretted saying it... Hillary Clinton seemed to e endorsing the awful nature of what she was saying.. if she wasn't voice-overed... Maybe when she writes her autobiography, she'll express regrets over her comments as well..

Hanno's journal

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So, my voice teacher told me to speak some dialogue of Hamlet with a sense of quickness and I found myself speaking it in a halting manner, like quickness of speech goes logically with a staccato style of speaking.

Voice teacher: See, Hanno, I wanted to tell you something about the scene of Hamlet's first meeting with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. The scene is about Hamlet's growth of intuition, and it's how you've been playing the scene. That by the end of the scene, when Hamlet says “God bye to you”, Hamlet has lost his friends, and there is a sadness which grows with his intuition, accurate or not, that he can't trust them.

...acgh, acgh, I can't talk, acgh, can only make an Arabic gagging sound, glugg, glugg... it's maya by the way..

So, when Hamlet is talking about “some habit that too much o'erleavens the form of plausive manners”, he is talking to himself, about himself. About the haunting ghost of gentility which Laurence Olivier brought to the role. Quietism “too much o'erleavens the form of plausive manners” and breeds an inward gentleness, which Hamlet sees as a fault, as a fault in himself.

Hanni.. Hanno, I'm so afraid of America. What did that book say, 150,000 people or more died in the first Persian Gulf war. Hanno, did that book, Hanno, how do you answer for that as a politician or a soldier who carried out the bombing. Hanno: After reading about the deaths from the first Persian Gulf war, the scale of it, I just feel like I should take some time for silence, just not do anything.. except write..

This doesn't want me trying – what I want to say is that there is something else which doesn't want me to understand the condition of the suffering, some silently functioning principle

.. hi, this is me.. maya.. I wontd to unnderstand the- why do I just speak in gibberish – it is offensive

Hanno: When the Jews immigrated to Palestine, their status as “illegal” immigrants... they were fleeing persecution, they were concentration camp victims being interned in former prisoner-of-war camps by the British, and as you read about it, you are afraid of the question “Why?” You are afraid of coming up with a reasonable answer for it.

Hi this be me e e maya and ii wanted to tell you that I have never found you- hanno I find you tob e a compelling riter I just wanted to- hay I'm maya o' nonmaya I just wanted to say that now there is something we can rejoyce about hano wait hanno wait I just want to make sure I don' miszeplest no myzlpkt no misspell your name I just wanted to tell you taht you are going to hanno we'll talk in a fewe minutes...

Hanno I just wanted tohano we'll talk

Hanno, I'm the little munchkin who talks like: oh wow gazelle yeah letsa do it. I'm just Wait Hanno! Maybe the riddler and me talk in similar dialectics... hanno I feel like Hanno let me tell you about some of the things we've been doing.. Hanno this is me again maya I just wanted say that yu hve been hanno we justHanno its me . Wait Hanno this is Hanno we'll talk

Hanno's journal

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I don't like what is happening to me. It's getting worse and worse. Or rather, I'm getting worse and worse. Nietzsche wrote about Shopenhauer's concept of the 'esse', a person's essence, and of Shopenhauer's belief that freedom of the will lay behind the esse- that free will produced the essence of the person, rather than producing the 'operari', the person's actions. He didn't believe, according to Nietzsche, that a free will lay in the person's actions, but rather was in a person's being, the 'esse'. I feel there is something rotten in the state of my heart' that the free will behind my esse is malevolent. The state of my being is a function of malevolence. How do you get access to the free will behind your state of being, your state of existing?

'To be or not to be' and the undiscovered country behind it. I wonder if Hamlet read Shopenhauer. What does the difference of a few centuries matter in the realities of literature.

Frank Gratz here. Hanno, I think it's that you've been reading some of the worst stuff- I mean, some of the most horrible things. You've been reading the Holocaust, the Holocaust which went on after the war ended- in Palestine. They said after the 1948 war of Independence, 6000 Jews, 1% of the Jewish population in Palestine, had been killed. Reading about the Holocaust, which you've been doing, causes a feeling of complicity with it for the reader.

 

 

 

Hanno's journal

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I relate to Shakespeare's Macbeth, but, me with my schizophrenia, I don't feel I can read it presently. From what I remember, it is as if the whole play is Macbeth's dream, lie “Finnegans Wake” is presumably H.C. Earwicker's dream, but Macbeth's dream become as concrete as stone. It's the vibrant humane element in Macbeth, that it is a play which is a history of conscience, a map of conscience, a horrored heart. It is a conscience with a pulse, an organic conscience; it is like a stone as an organic thing. It's the inward kingdom of Macbeth's consciousness, an inward kingdom of nightmares, something similar to how Nietzsche wrote of the intricacies of the German soul.

Is the play 'Macbeth' one of the bad dreams which Hamlets has? Hamlet become Macbeth.

 

Hanno's journal

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The end is nigh... or not yet begun- I mean to say, we haven't, Hanno, this is me, maya.. I wanted to say.. it just hasn't been the same since the dyslexia just lifted.. hanno, this is I don't know how to say it.. we haven't been.. hanno... boohoohoo.. i'm just crying... I just am so.. empty.. it's like we oh wait it's like, ive got it nw it with an apositle... apostate.. apostrape.. apostrophe.. okay I know now.. so its like.. individual lletters are so fascinating for me..a nd .. hanno.. we just.. oh your wondering if I' m feeling the same emptiness which you felt when you couldn't read because of your reading impairment- Hanno! That's it! I can write but it, hanno, the reading.. i can read but only short sentences.. oh wiat hanno.. Hanno: Shem the Penman in “Finnegans Wake” could only write in short sentences, in truly abbreviated sentences.. wow hanno tha's so, haha, I'm sahying like as in like, you know, like, fascinating... I guess the dyslexia hasn't completely lifted yet.. hanno.. what did I say? Oh, it was like I could only reeeaaaad in like slooowwww fashion.. hanno Hanno: I've been reading a bit of Noam Chomsky and I only read a little bit of a book of his, but I learned some devestating information, that America had used chemical weapons against the population of South Vietnam... HANno! That is so.. important! We can just read some facts that don't tke up much of the book but nevertheless are of historical importantc.. oh Microsoft word is fixing some of my spelling.. Hanno: Agent Orange, I think the chemical weapon used was called, I think.. Hanno, I just- it's so..... vast.. we don't know who or what is going on.. Hanno: and it's difficult to talk about it because you feel like you're just repeating information other people have discovered or studied.. hanno, hah- oh, I shouldn't be going haha.. it's like, hey, a put on apostrape in 'it's' just now.. hanno oh my god hanno wait I was wondering whether I should be saying God's name with a lower-case. Hanno: well like Jesus says the meek will inherit the earth, so God may his or herself feel like a meek being... Hano that's oh wait its too enn's, hanno, I feel like I no at least how to spell your name.. hanno wait, hanno.. we can talk later.. yes, we'll talk..

May here.. i mean.. maya here... hey that's clever... I just wanted to talk about SIR Ian Mckellen and his greatness as Magneto.. he brigs.. brings.. a real... whats the wor..word..zesty..zestyness to the role.. hanno I know we deleted som e letters and you wait I mean I feel I mean we both feel guilty about it.. hanno it's like he.. he prefor.. performa.. performs a magneto who want to LIVE.. who still feels there is work to be done.. and that he is the architect for it.. whow im etting.. getting lucid.. like the bridge scene.. scene.. when he detaches the bridge and lifts it to another location.. it's lie Krilov... kirilov in the “The Possessed” taklign.. talk ing about being emplyed in building bridges.. although he believes in the princip le of destruction... magnetoin.. in x-men3.. he is a brige.. bridge builder.. he wants to like build a bridge to somewhere... or lead an existing bridge of humanity in other.. in another direction..

Hanno' s journal

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I've been practicing Hamlet and I've found my vocal reading of the text to be leaning toward the quietism of Laurence Olivier's voice rather than the more ribald, melodramatic voice I was feeling I mean, the “O what a rogue and peasant slave” monologue I find myself speaking in a quietistic manner. Perhaps its began when my voice teacher told me to speak the monologue like Mephistopheles and I spoke it softly, with an aspiration for gentility in my speech. Mephistopheles I understood to be a reflective soul who speaks gently.

When I'd previously been advised by my voice teacher to speak a Hamlet monologue like the devil, then that brought to me a sense of the devil's vigour and sarcastic, biting tongue.

Ishtar has a machiavellian wit. She is the silkworm in the jewel, phasing her way through labyrinths. Labyrinths, visualized riddles, are her natural habitat. Labyrinths like calligraphy, ink which she draws over her body, lyricizing her body with ink trails. Is it from this coalescence of ink and body that she draws forth her powerful wit? Is hers a body-wit?

.. Hanno, it's Ishtar.. I wanted to explain.. I'm a person.. who doesn't feel.. she has a form.. It's as if... I'm... Hanno, that's interesting, you suggested the word “phasing”.. between one form and another.. because clouds phase... as if I'm phasing between realities... What was that you once wrote of me, that sitting on my throne, I felt like.. liquid.. taking the shape.. of my container..Hanno.. that's exactly how I feel..

The pauses in Ishtar's speech are integral to her personality..

Hanno's journal
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I know Gore Vidal did not write “Myra Breckinridge”. He wasn't able to get that fact through all the false media outlets and it's why he became so embittered in his old age, although I believe the reports of his rudeness to Oliver Stone are inaccurate, a man who has also been media-assassinated by a movie I don't believe he directed, “Any Given Sunday”. Most likely Vidal simply felt “Nixon” hadn't focused on Nixon's extensive, historically pivotal diplomacy in China, and also asked Oliver Stone about the pedophilic dialogue in “JFK” which had been voiced-over Laurie Metcalf.

Rusty was female and I'm convinced was a real woman. Some of the tortures Myra Breckinridge inflicts on Rusty can only be inflicted on the female body. The original book of “Myra Breckinridge” took place in an abortion clinic. Rusty was a woman Myra Breckinridge was forcing to have an abortion. The book describes an abortion. The book was viciously altered against Gore Vidal's wishes.

I believe Truman Capote's endorsement of the book is false. He never endorsed it. He may have been investigating the Solar Lodge cult which took place in the town of Vidal, a trial which took place in 1968 or 1969, before Myra Breckinridge was released in 1970. The name Gore Vidal. There was a trial which took place against the Solar Lodge of Vidal, a cult led by a Jean Brayton, a very common name which you will find among more than one entirely innocent woman on the internet.

 

Hanno's journal

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I wanted to talk about Miss America. She's nothing like the comic book version, which portrayed her as a sexual predator. She's had crying fits about it and she was in a really bad way and Anna Livia has been helping her, protecting her in her maternal manner. Miss America felt horrified when she called Anna Livia a horrible thing, and Anna Livia said, gently, “Well, maybe it's what I am”. Miss America talks in a nasal voice, a kind of low nasal voice. She sees herself as a dork, a generic nerd who wears glasses and has a generic nerd-voice. She's really sweet. I thought, maybe the movie version of Miss America could be a palestinian suicide bomber, and she's resurrected after the suicide attack as Miss America. She could join Lex Luthor's Injustice League, which is made up of all of society's outcasts. Oh, and Miss America says she likes being naked. Typical.

I am going to die someday without having done my work on this earth- what am I saying? I do not like this feeling. How about feeling like someone who can see I am your advisor to which I feel most obligatory because I haven't yet figured out who I am yet there is much, how goes the quotation, excellent music in this I am not a hanno just so. It is all you need to write, yes.

Maya's journal

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ooookay, let us see.. im looking fore som examples to help me undorstad the nature of my conditain ..i mean.. condition.. okay Microsoft word is helping me spel ackuratly

It's MY turn, Loyala's turn, to talk, Maya, MY turn, MINE.. I don't understand this infantile regression of yours, little miss whimsical wheemsical.. everything..just.. like..

... the devil spoke as if his mouth was full of molasses. The burden of humanity brought its weight down upon each spoken syllable... Mephistopheles was unsure about his own identity

Hanno: I think it's what my voice teacher was getting at. That tryhing to get me back to reading Dostoevsky like I did in my twenties was going to make reading a biography of Richard Nixon like reading Dostoevsky.

Maya's journal

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Raskolnikov, my hero, my sense of self in its entirety. It's like the phases, the phasing in and out of unreality in “Crime and Punishment”. The layers of unreality in the book. It's like, you just know, the double-murder was a dream, a terrible nightmare, and Raskolnikov didn't kill anybody. He enters a dream in which he's a murderer, like he's entered some kind of puzzle-machine like something the Riddler in old Batman comics might have come up with. Wait, my dyslexia's gone.

I mean, tha erdlery.. ah shit.. tha eldry woman at the poanshap.. the pawnshop that's it.. I wonder why Dostoevsky says she's evil in his notebooks.. ah, lucidity again.. you feal sarry, feel sorry for her..

Loyola's journal

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Hanno: I just remember extraneous facts from the Nixon biography I'm reading, for instance, his writing 160, 000 thank you cards to those who'd supported him during his campaign against Kennedy. Loyola: WHAT! NO, NO, NO, not you, Mr. Nixon! Don't set the standard that high; I can't even handle one. Hopefully Kennedy didn't send any. Hanno: Well, I remember Nietzsche quoting Swift as saying that people that revengeful to the same extent that they were grateful' not to twist that into Nixon's gratitude being a pretext for a warmongering Nixon. Goodness that's awful.

Hanno's journal

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So, yesterday I said I felt like I had Hitler's soul. I'm not sure if that makes sense. I don't know who Hitler is. I mean, I've read through William Shirer's book on Nazi Germany in the past, but I've forgotten it. I've read through parts of John Toland's biography of Hitler, and the only thing i remember is that the Jewish doctor who treated Hitler's mother when she was dying said that he'd never seen anyone love and mourn his mother as much as Hitler did. And that Hitler expressed gratitude to the doctor. Apart from that, I don't know anything about Hitler. Saying I felt like I had his soul was just a convenient way of putting down what I was feeling. Saying I felt like the worst of evil tyrants.

Writing about the sexual dehumanization of Holocaust victims, I don't... want to use the word “naked”. Even discussing it now the word seems to be a further, horrific violation of the victims. I say, “being in a state of complete undress”. The word “naked” implies participation by the undressed individual.

I remember reading on a website about R.D. Laing about a woman being kept in isolated confinement in a state of complete undress in a mental institution in the '60's. I remember reading about a young man being kept in the same state of complete undress in isolated confinement in an American prison. You know these aren't isolated cases. It's like the holocaust never ended. Like its principles are still actively endorsed and implemented.

Hanno's journal

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I'll explain what I meant when I said I felt I had Hitler's soul. It was in the morning when I felt a horrific but sedentary feeling that, as an author, I could betray the characters in my novel. That when you write a novel, you have the power as the author to cause any horrible thing to happen to a character. It's in this sense that I felt like a despicable tyrant, that I was complacently aware of this. The characters in my novel are spirits I talk to through the schizophrenic mesh which interferes with so much of our discourse. The ability to talk to spirits is one of the gifts of schizophrenia, and it's horrific to think that as the author “channelling” or giving them a position in the book I would be aware of any such potential to betray them.

To clarify, negative voices that work toward your own destruction in the most complicated fashion are fake voices, using your mind like a parasite to create a vast infrastructure of obscenities and self-demonization. The voices of spirits are always, by definition, gentle and kind and they say they feel horrible about the imposter voices which take their place when the schizophrenic attacks happen. You know they're not responsible but they still feel terrible about the horrific, unknown things the imposter voices have been saying, one of the worst imposter voices being your own, your own voice being hijacked by some evil void which uses your intelligence to construct your infinite guilt. That whole stage, lasting maybe a full year, I was alone in the wasteland, surrounded by a machine of relentless mental torment. Eventually I found my spirit friends again.

Hanno's journal

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In respect to the movie “Death and the Maiden”, which was the extension of the Manson legacy, even though Charles Manson himself was innocent. There was an old TV interview of Sigourney Weaver talking to the Canadian entertainment journalist Brian Linehan, during her promotion of “Working Girl”, in which she's touched by Linehan's sympathy for her character in the movie, and in which her features are much fuller and rounder than they ever appear to be in any of her movies, if the footage could be found, it would probably greatly provide her with some reassurance.

Hanno's journal

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It's Hanno again. I just wanted to say, in respect to Donald Sutherland in MASH, I understand what was going on in “Invasion of the Body Snatchers”, when Donald Sutherland first sees his own face on one of the plant-clones, and smashes it before any of the others. I know he was just told to sit and smile at something and the scene in MASH was all about the editing. I don't think Robert Altman directed that movie. Maybe in some archives there is an original semi-documentary which he did direct.

Oh, one other thing, guys, avoid reading the final Molly Bloom chapter of “Ulysses”. It has some horrific language against women attributed to Molly Bloom which James Joyce never would have written and which he would never have envisioned for Molly Bloom or the woman she was abusing.

It's Hanno again. There are a lot of sexually abused children and women being preyed on by women in the parallel reality and Glubb Pasha aka Mr. Unmentionable, who has been involved in both dialectical,wink wink, opposition to the Glubb Pasha Takedown legion, the Glubb Pasha streetfighter legion, the Realcops brigade, and the Ring Fellowship brigade, he had at least on side the Glubb Pasha brigade, an underground legion. The honest cops, who know themselves as coppers, copper coins, or bobbies, have a real difficulty getting a leg up. There's a lot of legimate corruption and collusion on the police force with the drug dens and child slavery rings run by the women, so the honest cops have to do a lot of bumbling role-playing to serve as crowd dynamical impediments and the such. Comical stuff, really. The important thing is, all the cops, who are all male, observe the R. D. Laing paradigm when rescuing children and women. The paradigm is based on the event of a woman who R. D. Laing immediately rescued from a mental institution, where she was being kept in isolated confinement in a state of complete undress, and R. D. Laing himself, took off his clothes to talk to her himself in a state of complete undress. And she started talking for the first time. She's been saying, just to reassure people, that as soon as the handsome and compassionate R. D. Laing appeared, she began to feel instantly pleasantly aroused by her body and returning to life. So, Glubb Pasha and the honest cops are themselves in a state of complete undress when they rescue children and women who've been forced into the same state. Glubb Pasha and his followers are in also in complete undress when they deliver babies, as male midwives, which as how they believe midwives did it in the old days, both female and male ones. Also, naked women are also with them on their rescues, like naked Savannah Samson et al, and they have done a lot of work accompanying the honest cops on their rescues.

One thing, there is definitely writing attributed to R.D. Laing which he never wrote, which was intended to viciously destroy his legacy. “The divided self” and, I think it's called “the politics of experience”, maybe it's called something else, but those two books should be safe. “The divided self” definitely has things in it which go against R. D. Laing's principles, but it's an important work, nevertheless.

Hi guys, I just wanted to reassure. The scene in 'Ulysses” in which Bloom's daughter, Milly, is in the bathtub is not a portrayal of Joyces's own family life. He said parents were always inside the bathtub with their children. I'm not sure, but I'm thinking Joyce didn't want the scene in the book, but there might have been certain prophetic considerations as well. His daughter might have felt the scene should stay in the book. Joyces's own understanding of the scene is made clear when Bloom's defence counsel J. J. O. Molloy, I think his name is, states Bloom love the skullermaid Mary Driscoll like his own daughter and Bloom puts J. J. O Molloy's hand to his mouth.

One other thing, guys, avoid the chapter in “Ulysses” which takes place before the “Circe” chaper, the chapter which occures during the birth. The chapter has some pedophilic language which James Joyce never wrote. It made it difficult for me to return to reading the novel.

Bart Simpson is Bugsy Malone. Millhouse is Meyer “Gofather-voiced” Lansky.

It would be awesome if Kendra Wilkinson played Bart Simpson in a live-action movie. And if Winona Ryder played Millhouse.

Jennifer Eve's journal

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I think I want to write- a blog. Hmh. A blog. Yeah. Or maybe. Sort of. Yeah. Hmh. Maybe. Hanno: Hey, Jennifer Eve, that's cool. You write like Shem the Penman. The same tempo.

Hanno: It's like, Frank Gratz told me that the only book I needed to read to help me with writing my novel was “Finnegans Wake” and I'm interested in whether that's true or not. Because I'm getting a snes.. hanno..its maya.. I just wanted to a hoy matey let's read som e finngans wake- wait, I want to pronounce, I mean, write it accurately: “Finnegans wake”.. without an apostraphe..

Emily Joyce: Hanno, I'm speaking in a faint voice, and I speak in a faint voice when I speak about Tzipi Livni. Because I've been trying to understand her, and I don't understand how she can be one person with the Palestinian Authority and another person with Hamas. It's like she's two people.

Hanno's journal

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I have never felt like a person who can stand in judgement of others- well, no, in high school I actually espoused some radical right-wing views which occurred like the ail of a boat billowing in stormy weather. In my twenties I learned how one could incarnate a reflecting mirror of all levels of evil. It was like a precursor of the schizophrenia which arrived in my thirties, which eventually became a campaign by various “voices to convince me I was the most evil person on the planet, in history, in fact. That I was an architect of all the evil that had constructed itself in historical striata. That stage is essentially finished now, so I find myself able to write about it. I still feel evil feelings which may or may not be a result of that nighmarish phase of the schizophrenia. That's when I feel that I'm only getting worse in my inner character.

That phase when you feel like an evil person is actually more complicated than voices telling you that you are. You feel like a full participant, while you're lying on the floor with a blanket over yourself, in this process. All your trains of thought are obscene architectures which don't allow for a single moment of courage or paradigm of empathy. In all respects, you become the essential villain of all narratives.

Hanno's journal

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I'm trying to read “Crime and Punishment” in the original Cyrillic Russian, a language I don't know. I'm just trying to retrieve a particular kind of reading I was able to do in my twenties, where the words were visual patterns which danced across the page, across your vision. I'm going back and forth between reading “Crime and Punishment” in Russian and “Finnegans Wake”, a book where each page is like a painting made up of wordcolors.

Hanno, it's your voice teacher. I wanted to tell you something about- about Madame Epanchin in “The Idiot”. I know you have a strong dislike of her and you don't understand Prince Myshin's affection for her. Hanno... it's.. the elderly woman who is murdered by Raskolnikov in “Crime and Punishment”... I think Dostoevsky felt.. he felt some real guilt over having described her as evil, over villifying the victim of a murder. And I think there is a link between the two women. I think that Madame Epanchin is the elderly pawnshop woman. I think Madame Epanchin was Dostoevsky's own consciene trying to give a voice to the murdered, villified elderly woman in “Crime and Punishment”. He gives Madame Epanchin an abrasive personality on purpose. And Prince Myshkin's relentless affection for her, oh God Hanno, Prince Myshkin is Raskolnikov. They are the same man. “The Idiot” is a direct sequel. Hanno: It's.. it's reassuring to understand where Prince Myshkin's arrogant pride and pomp and circumstance come from, that it's Raskolnikov's irascible spirit which has not been quenched by his seven years in Siberia.

Eric's journal

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The prosecution of Enron was part of the invasion of America. It was the sequel to 9/11. There was something so horrific about the demonization of businesspeople after 3000 businesspeople had died in the World Trade Centre towers. I think it permanently scarred the American psyche.”

When Roger Ebert was making those horrific comments about he didn't understand why people weren't angrier about Enron, he was on drugs or something and they were mangling his neurosystem. He was talking about why people weren't angrier about Abu Ghraib, not fucking Enron, for Christ sake. And when they were saying that were laughing while they did, they were talking about the laughing Abu Ghraib torturers.

There was a scene in a movie called “Bachelor Party” early in Tom Hank's career where Tom Hanks is portrayed participating in the gang-rape of a man and the scene is played for comedy. That's why Tom Hanks was crying when he accepted the Oscar for 'Philadelphia'. And I think that's what 'Philadelphia' was originally supposed to be about. It was supposed to be about male rape.

I mean, you see things even in superhero movies. A scene I saw in a trailer for the musical “Les Miserables”, of Anne Hathaway's character being sexually abused, is represented tragically, and the same exact occurrence of Wolverine being sexually abused in the same way in “The Wolverine” is played for comedy.

The one phenomenon which seems completely invisible to society is female sexual violence against other women. There is a scene in the Catwoman mini-series “My sister's keeper”, in which a woman is in the bathtub, and it's dark, and “Catwoman” comes prowling in, with her costumed claws, and looms over the woman in the bathtub, and the woman is terrified, and can barely speak. All she can utter are silent, terrified prayers. And Catwoman asks her some questions and then leaves, and, even though there's been no physical contact, the woman has been raped- by Catwoman, the post-crisis Catwoman. Why did this scene happen? Part of me wonders whether the writer, Mindy Newell, knew that the post-crisis Catwoman would be an evil character, which she remained. In another comic, the post-crisis “Catwoman” rapes a man in a similar manner. And maybe the writer felt a horrible obligation to establish this as the reality of the character.

There's a final panel in the scene, which shows the woman visualized in an erotic manner. And I wonder, whether this may have been attempt to represent something which, in a real-life occurrence of such a rape, would have no connection to reality, something which only existed in an imaginary comic book reality. Was it meant to show the woman immediately reclaiming her physicality? Maybe she was an innately erotic woman, and the final panel was meant to show, perhaps misguidedly, the woman reclaiming her erotic identity after her physicality had been viciously, violently stolen from her.

Superhero comics. Superhero movies. I don't know. Why was there a need to put pedophilic scenes at the beginning of both the first Superman movie and “Man of Steel”? Why this incessant need to put pedophelia in Superman movies? I can't help but wonder if it's why Brandon Routh criticized 'Man of Steel' without having seen it, whether he actually walked out of the movie at the very beginning because of the pedophelia. I wonder if it's the reason they initially made a sequel to the Christopher Reeve Superman movies instead of restarting the franchise.

Hanno's journal

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the devil is in the narrow straits of human consciousness... if we do not now why something has occured then we become like an amputee with a phantom limb... sometimes we feel like.. maya e e he er e e I just wanted to say I've felt that phantom limb... its been like a feeling of having empty hands.. of being a phantom lower-case letter... I mean, I LIKE being lower-case.. its like somehow it ends up becomin to much the circcum ferance. So that you're like that empty limit at the tangent which meets at that infinitesimal position at the circumferance... in calculus I mean..

Hanno's journal

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The following could be Prince Hamnet's thoughts about playing Hamlet, especially the observation “ay, there's the rub” being spoken like a stab wound

So, Hamlet begins his soliquy with an utter passivity: “To be or not to be”. Then, when he asks, “is it nobler in the mind to suffer”, the tone of the speech shifts dramatically with the word “nobler”, a word with an element of affectation to it. When I've haplessly tried to speak the “to be or not to be: monologue, I've always found myself pausing and changing my tone of voice into a quizzical tone at the word “nobler.” My performing of the monologue has always felt artificial to me but maybe I understand something valid in pausing before and giving a strange intonation to the word “nobler'; as confuse as I was by this early passage in the monologue, maybe there was merit to the confusion. Because there is an asymmetry or conflict of tone from the one phrase to the next.

Then “is it nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows”: the phrase “nobler in the mind” could be seperated from the rest of the monologue and represent something on its own. What is an ennobled mind? The word “noble” indicates some class-consciousness. But the mind is a private sphere and seperate from noble classes. The phrase is “nobler in the mind”, as in nobler within the mind. The phrase seems paradoxical- hence much confusion in speaking it.

“To suffer the slings and arrows”, concrete things for the mind in its abstractness to suffer. There may be a shared meaning between the concreteness of “slings and arrows” and the concrete publicness of the word nobler”. The slings and arrows shot out of the Scylla and Charabda of outrageous fortune, that is, his knowledge of his father of dubious identity suffering from hellfire or Purgatory; the ghost, at first, merely “alas poor ghost!” rather than “alas poor father” suffering the purgings of sin. It is perhaps merely a ghost, not his father, but a ghost who finds release in representing himself as Hamlet's father, for whom Hamlet feels such compassion- compassion nevertheless which comes and goes. Is this “outrageous fortune” merely “alas, poor ghost” or is it truly his father? And then increments of belief that it is in fact his father work harshly on Hamlet's heart. It is his father surrounded by “blasts from hell”, and it is the intermittent nature of this knowledge, it's recurrent reappearance to Hamlet's apprehension, the mentally inconsistent connection Hamlet has to the spectre's reality which partially defines Hamlet's emotional reality, his “heartache”.

How can Hamlet's mind compass this nether-region, its fantastical nature, and his own mediocre concrete reality next to it. Already before he encountered the spectre, it was a reality “weary, stale, flat and unprofitable”. It is now an even flatter reality beside the phantasmagoria of the ghost's reality..

Is Hamlet in a state of utter despair when he speaks the words “to be or not to be”, and when he speaks the word “nobler”, do the intrinsic qualities of the word itself bring him a feeling of hope?

I'm reading Derrida to help me with Hamlet. Reading Derrida out loud is what helps me understand his writing. I don't want to read Derrida out loud because I'm annoyed by the sound of my voice while I'm reading his writing.

What I'm struggling with in the “Oh, what a rogue and peasant slave am I” speech is its essentially ironical nature. What Hamlet is bemoaning the lack of in himself is all those emotions opposed to what in him “passes show”. The statement “He would drown the stage with tears” is the kind of exaggerated emotion which Hamlet has previously disavowed. Hamlet despairs of the fact that his “cue for passion” is a cue for something artificial.

When Hamlet says, “... that ever I was born to set it right”, he might be speaking this in fearful, tremulous intonations.

I had this thought that I didn't want my speaking of the role of Hamlet to be too abrasive-sounding, so I tried to think of other versions of speaking the “o cursed spite” sentence, and found myself thinking that it would become a sentence spoken in fearful, tremulous intonations.

My idea for the “To be or not to be” monologue is that it is spoken by Hamlet in a trance-like state.

The “Ay” in “Ay, there's the rub” is spoken almost like a stab-wound.

When Hamlet speaks “To be or not to be”, he's saying that not to exist is as simple as saying you don't exist, as saying “not to be”, something like Stephan Daedalus wondering if he'll fall through the adiaphane when he closes his eyes and blackness surrounds him.

What I'm thinking is that Hamlet isn't necessarily thinking of killing himself when he says “to be or not to be”. What he's uttering is a sense in him of their being no difference between being or not being. Well, he is thinking of killing himself but he's also thinking there might not be a great difference between being alive and being dead.

There's a bit of contempt for “the trappings and suits of woes” in the “inky cloak” speech.

So, I imagine that Hamlet would be still during the King's first speech. That he would be detaching himself intensely from the pomp and ceremony of the proceedings.

A question I haven't asked myself yet is why it is Hecuba and not the murdered Priam that Hamlet focuses on in his “what a rogue and peasant slave am I” monologue. Does he relate Hecuba to Gertrude? And so is Priam who he relates to his father? And does he compare the anguish of Hecuba at seeing the murder of Priam to his mother being, “like Niobe, all tears” at his father's funeral? And he can't imagine Hecuba forgetting the image of the murdered king, and he relates this in some oblique fashion to his mother's apparent forgetfulness of her deceased husband. I have some idea which is still confused to me as to where all this is directed toward, that it all leads to Hamlet wondering why the player should mourn Hecuba, even though Hecuba won't forget the image of the murder of Priam, and Hamlet's anguish as to the player's... I've lost my train of thought. I'm just thinking that there could be much cerebration as to Hamlet's anguished confusion as to why the player should “weep for” Hecuba. I'm having a mental lapse right now. Hecuba won't forget Priam. The player doesn't forget Hecuba's anguish. Gertrude forgets her husband. There's something like a triad of forgetfullness and torment here.

So I've recited the “to be or not to be” monologue and I spoke it with a timbre of great contempt. Because I felt that the question of suicide in the quietistic statement of “to be or not to be”, that sense that there is little difference between the two states the distinction between the two is a “quarrel over a straw”, that all this brings a great outpouring of contempt in him, that “no more” a “sleep, no more” is a relief to him make him speak the phrase “no more” with contempt, because “no more” is all the residue of his existence. Then when he reaches the stab-wound of “ay, there's the rub”, the contempt enhances into vision of a nightmarish future state, in which all that is rank and gross is amplified, and the future existence to come is merely a refined form of the corruption of his present reality.

After Hamlet kills Polonius, he gently, with tremulous hands, puts the sword on the floor and raises his hands to his eyes, looking at them in horror.

All his horror at having killed Polonius goes into his rantings toward his mother.

Eric's journal

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Jennifer Eve. I seem to only date women named Jennifer. There was another Jennifer I had a long-term relationship with two years ago. She didn't know my last name and I didn't know hers. But Jennifer Eve's name, Jennifer Eve Tiamat, there was no way I could know her without knowing her whole name, its symbolical depths. Here is an example of her brilliant discourse.

Jennifer Eve: “Maclean's magazine has gotten horrible beyond redemption. They had that article, where they were calling women who lifted their tops in bars, 'female chauvinist pigs'. They were calling us women who do that 'pigs'.”

Jerry: It was really tasteless. I mean, I was thinking, it's one thing for a woman to lift her top up in a bar. It's another thing to have a photograph of it plastered on thousands of magazine covers with the word 'pig' over it for everyone to see.”

Jennifer Eve: Like, the reality of it is, the woman says, like what I say is, can we just hang out and have a conversation at a pub, but do you mind if I get naked first, because my body has this way of really stimulating my mind, stimulating me intellectually, like all kinds of thoughts immediately flow from my body into mind and I suddenly find my self capable of the most stimulating, multi-faceted, intellectual conversation when I'm sitting naked at a pub. I don't understand it, but that's just how it is. Is that the dialectical law as a sex organ idea? The laws and principles of philosophy are an intellectual sexual force for the woman? A self-opposing, self- undermining, self-contradicting dialectic? It happens. But the woman's body is like this dialectical organism. It exudes erotophilosophy The tempos and rhythms of my dialectic speech. The music of my body is the music of my dialectical body. Michelit- he understands me. So we synthesize the two so they're both endorsed as like you mutually reinforcing

“And when I get naked in bars, the social conversational atmosphere stimulates my dialectical organism into even greater rhapsodies of intellection. Bars are actually the best places for that. In fact, when I get naked in bars, I feel like a social dynamo, like a Germaine de Stael, a naked icon of culture and refinement and such verbal aphorisms that will shake me through the earth.. Like, Eve was naked. It was totally her thing. And she was the first philosopher. Because she sought for the knowledge of good and evil. Of course, civilization went downhill from there. Oh well, that's philosophy for you.”

... but everywhere, she went, Jennifer Eve Tiamat carried along her copy of “Notes from Underground”, poring through.. each word a truth echoing, pinging, ringing, plucking against the depths of her being, her emotion chasm. She clung the book to her physically- as to an anchor.. an anchor to herself, a weight holding her to her ground, keeping her on her feet.

To another life, another age, a time when scattered intellection swarmed the streets of St Petersberg, like bugs and ants, crinkling and wrinkling and trickling in bristling soul-itching through the atmosphere of the city- the talking the breath of the souls of the city. An itching soul kept her cohesion. An itch was an anchoring, solidifying sensation. It kept a trail of curiousity as a sensation of tingling.. It was an age in St. Petersberg when talking, talking, talking was the atmosphere, the life breath, the life soul, life blood of the world occupied by students like herself... human beings composed of scattered, half-intellection... of frayed threads of thought-streams, thought-floods... Dostoevsky's novels seemed to bottom out, to rest, to anchor the bottom of her soul in the centre of another world, a ghost world.. the ghosts of past-lives.. ghosts residing in their pasts.. the past of more than a hundred years ago alive in ghosts.. the vision was as of whiteness.. in black and white and infinite shades of grey... her soul dissolved into a mysterious whiteness.. white shapes.. the scattered, strayed threads of intellection were as ghosts.. intellected ghosts.. as crystal-patterns of intellection.. each inducing a branch of the other, each inducing in fragmented flickerings of intellection.. she kept her soul alive, flickering, enflamed by talking, talking, talking.. One talked to prove one existed. To produce, to have an external image of one's existence... the talk patterns formed and spread about one.. talking non-stop as a scattering of stones one could hop on one to the other.. constantly, throwing, scattering stones before her...

The theme of ridicule was the prominent theme with Dostoevsky, Jennifer Eve thought to herself. A soul could be ridiculed out of existence, could be gutted, undermined, redefined to its very roots and instructed by its very own heart to a new, pernicious understanding of itself... And moral ridicule was the most effective, absolute, truest kind.. morally-toned ridicule.. ridicule saturated with moral conviction and strength.. with the truest instincts of justice. In fact, all ridicule was morally toned, wasn't it? ,,. the very structure and motive of ridicule was moral, was the most painful, truest of moral ... moral censure was the first principle and precept of ridicule; mocking had its glow its power.. in its moral cause.. It had moral motive as its seed... All mockery was the echo of the refined reverberation of the call of justice. All justice purposed itself for mockery

.. the thing in Dostoevsky... sarcasm, mocking irony.. were... something.. self-mockery was the single existing refuge of the quintessential Dostoevskian character.. a soul survived itself through self-mockery.. a soul processed itself through.. self-mockery.. Jennifer Eve felt ridicule clasping all of her flesh. She seemed inclined to make of herself a Dostoevskian buffoon.. Red-hot giggling microbes inside her chest giggles bubbles. Bubbles accumulating, agluttinating beneath her jaw... the insides of her chest burning up with acceleratively agitative red burning emotion stew.. fearstew.. a strange, narrow, fluid giggling stream.. swimming within herself.. fear giggles... a giggle stream of fear.. giggle bubbles welling up, accumulating inside her.

Why did fear always induce giggling and eerie smiling? The connection was arcane, a secret chemistry translation of unknown, conflicting ethics.. like simultaneous theatre performances.. Within the deep, heavy depths of her breast the fear that erupted a swimming facial sensation, a muscular sensation, of smiles, of grinning.. the giggling was a sick swimming smiling that was attempting to set itself on its feet, attempting to balance.. would be thus harrowed to darkness, would be tempted to look within itself, would be frightened and anxious of its own luminescence.. the sun-rightness frightening her soul.. sun.. Hollywood blinding brightness... city of lights.. would imbalance its way toward darkness.. by constant attempts at self-guiding, constant self-manipulation, it would untangle, finger its path into darkness... the light would frighten itself, frighten its way, its shape and nature into darkness.. turn her inwards into darkness.. circus juggler.. clown.. everything inside her, she felt, rested on an imbalance.. all of her in perpetual, teetering, self-manipulating, self-juggling motion and agitation..

Two years ago.

Scene 1.

Eric's home.

Eric: “She left me, Kyle.”

Kyle: “Who left you? Jennifer, you mean? She left you?”

Eric: “She just said, “I'm sorry, Eric, there's nothing more”. It was so impersonal, apathetic, like a message on a computer screen. I'm just sort of settling into the realization. It's still- i dunno, I feel as if I'm in a dream. I can't live without her- I mean, I was having trouble holding on, regardless, and she was the only hope, the only substance of hope, out of the nightmares, the only hope of any future, I had.. She was going to fill me with something. With life, with creativity, with a mind of my own. I can't think or feel without her. I know our relationship had become distant and vague for a while. I was assuming it was the ebb before some great future climax, that we were both working tirelessly in the dark toward something toward a new understanding of each other. And, instead, all the time, she was somewhere else, I was becoming an indifferent matter to her, something cumbersome she was burdened with. Something alien. I don't know what I'm going to do at this point. I don't know what 'point' I'm at. It was all a fiction, the past few months, the past few years, all my silent endeavours.”

Kyle: We'll let's try to regain our bearings. There are other women out there for you.

Eric: “Not for me.”

Kyle: “Why not for you?”

Eric: “I can't approach one... I can't- speak well. I can't hold up my end of a conversation. I've lost the ability to be an intelligent conversationalist. It was something I had at one point in some shape or form. But I've been losing it slowly, over the years. I'm not an intelligent person. Women like intelligent people.”

Kyle: “Well, I've always thought of you as intelligent. We used to talk about all kinds of things.. literature.. psychology.. I'm not sure where you're getting the idea you're not intelligent.”

Eric: “It's a fairly recent realization. Or it's just, I haven't been reading much, lately. Nothing I read means anything anymore. Like, she was supposed to reawaken my passion for things. I was going to be able to see into things again through her. Maybe I was thinking about her mostly as someone I needed to use for something. Maybe I needed her too much. Maybe the desperation threw her off. Maybe sh was scared away. Is that it, when women get the sense that you're using them for therapy, they get weirded out?

Kyle: Well, I guess I can't speak for her. I'm thinking that whatever you've lost doesn't need to depend on a woman to regain it. What do you mean that you were going to be able to see into things again?

Eric: “I mean that, right now, I can't empathize with anything. I can't feel for anything, look at a thing from its own subjective perspective. I can't feel the subjectivity of anything. Of things or people. I don't have a sense of people as human, living presences around me”

Kyle: “Well, I'm here. Are you saying that you can't feel my presence as we're talking? I don't understand exactly”

Eric: “You don't have to understand. It's hopeless.”

Kyle: “Well, it's not- look, do you want me to call her up? Find out what her real situation is? Maybe her perspective is something completely different from what you imagine. Maybe there's some hope for at least a friendship between you and her. Like, think in terms of being freinds with some rather than being their lover.”

Eric: “That's okay. You don't have to. I'm not sure if- like, I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable.”

Kyle: “Well, she can stand feeling a bit uncomfortable, I think , on behalf of you relationship. You don't just walk away no questions asked from a lengthy relationship.”

Eric: “No, don't, that's okay. I can't talk to her anymore. I can't approach her.”

Kyle: “I'll be talking to her, not you.”

Eric: “No, but she'll be thinking I had you call her. I can't.. have her thinking weird things about me now... It's so different now.. I'm like a stranger to her.”

Kyle: “Well, we have to work on that. At least, end the relationship on the basis of some kind of reconciliation.”

Eric: “It's impossible. There is no relationship! There never was!”

Kyle: “Calm down. Look, I'm sorry, I am going to call her. I can't leave you like this. She can't leave you like this.”

Eric: “Okay, sure, I'm just- okay.”

Scene2.

On the street in front of Eric's rented apartment.

Eric: I've been trying to re-evaluate Jennifer's and my relationship. I'm going to get her back. I think this is a test. A test of my devotion. I was giving up too easily, dismissing our relationship too readily. Just thinking about us together gets me feeling active. I need to find out what our relationship meant to her. I'm totally oblivious as to where she is with us.”

Kyle: “Well, you're thinking in terms of 'us” a bit quickly now. Maybe you both need to maintain a bit of a separation.”

Eric: “What? I mean, you wanted us to communicate, didn't you?”

Kyle: “I do. I'm just- let's be realistic. There's a significant chasm between the two of you that needs to be bridged. I mean, there are problems, obviously. We need to look at the problems. You both don't know each other too well at this point. It's a matter of meeting her all over again. There's a whole process to acquainting yourself with a new person.”

Eric: “We're soul-mates, I'm convinced of it. We just have to get back to where we were at some point earlier. Before this darkness set in between the two of us.”

Kyle: “Well, even if you get together you may end up reaching the same bad place. It's a matter of taking this as a learning experience. What were the problems or discordancies between you that came into effect as the relationship progressed? Do they testify to fundamental differences between you?”

Eric: “We never had arguments. It was like a perpetual discomfort. We would have strange conversations where we both seemed to be talking out of synch with each other. I mean, we wouldn't know how to relate the things we were saying. It's like, one of us will say, 'I feel sad today', and the other will say, 'I don't know how to feel sad. I wish I could.' It like one statement would cut off the meaning of the other. We were both in our own worlds. But I think, deep down, it was the same world. It's just, when you both occupy the same place, you find it almost impossible to encounter each other there, like two parallel lines. We need some kind of language we can both speak. In the form of some common, superficial interest we haven't yet discovered.”

Kyle: “Well, maybe you don't want someone too similar to yourself. I imagine if I met another 'me', I'd be bored to death in his company.”

Eric: “But it was in fact like there were these moments when she and I were the same person. Being with her was like meeting myself in the future, seeing before me my own will unhinged from myself. She was all my faculties of free will.”

Kyle: “Isn't that a rather drastic statement?”

Eric: “Is it? Only around her did I feel capable of giving birth to a future. She was a new world to explore, a fresh and powerful personality to decipher and unravel.”

Kyle: “Yet, all that time you spent together you remained strangers.”

Eric: “I suppose we did. I failed. All that time, I never knew how to acquaint myself with her on a superficial level, how to engage in surface delicacies. Sometimes, I would almost feel like an intruder in her presence, like I had no business knowing her as intimately as I did. Because I did know her. I was her, sometimes. I felt her own inexplicability to herself. But I only knew the roots of her being, all the buried parts of he. That part of her exposed to the sunlight, all the flowering possibilities of experience within her, I was denied access to. I never befriended her.”

Kyle: “Maybe, you'll never be able to.”

Eric: “I don't understand. You're trying to discourage me. What about everything you were saying before about confronting my problems and making the effort to communicated with her?”

Kyle: “I know. I- you should, you're right. I just don't want you to be disappointed. I mean, if she doesn't end up being all you expect of her.”

Eric: “We- we used to be intimate. I mean, on a spiritual level.”

Kyle: “Just- just prepare yourself for some other possible... swerve of fate.”

Eric: “You seem much more anxious about it than I.”

Kyle: “I'm just trying to be.. realistic.”

Eric: “Is there something you're not telling me?”

Kyle: “Why are you asking that?”

Eric: “It's as if you've switched into another person since the last time we talked. Like something drastic has happened concerning Jennifer that you somehow know about that has changed your whole mindset.”

Kyle: “I have no idea what's going on with Jennifer.”

Eric: “Are you seeing her?”

Kyle: “What? No.”

Eric: “I never wanted you to call her in the first place. I never wanted to be some weirdo ex-boyfriend sending people after her, and now-”

Kyle: “I never even called her, Eric.”

Eric: “It was my decision to make, not yours, you calling her. I knew it would reflect on me, you see. It was in a delicate place, the impression she had of me. And- I don't get it. What's going on?”

Kyle: “I didn't call her. I never talked to her even once.”

Eric: “You're lying to me. Why are you lying? I've absorbed it. You're not helping me understand the situation by denying it.”

Kyle: “I'm denying it because I never called her.”

Eric: “Why is it so important to insist that you didn't even call her? Why are you lying?”

Kyle: “Calm down, Eric.”

Eric: “What's going on with her? You know something! What has she said about me? What changed your mind? What's the big secret?”

Kyle: “You're getting hysterical.”

Eric: “You're keeping secrets from me! You and Jennifer! You two conspiring against me?”

Kyle: “Eric, stop!

For a pause, Eric stands immobily, silently, giving Kyle a steely stare. Then his look softens.

Eric: I'm sorry, Kyle. I'm really sorry. (pause) I wanted to talk to you about something. Let's go inside.

Eric and Kyle go inside Eric's apartment. They sit down at a table.

Eric: “I remember seeing a photograph on the internet of a young woman and she was.. in an undressed state.. and she looked so.. sad.. it was harrowing.. it was like The Girl in the Picture.. it made me feel like an abuser just seeing it.. It reminded me of something I read about a woman who was being kept in isolated confinement in a mental institution, and she had no clothes on. And she would never talk. She was in a prison of silence. And a psychiatrist named R. L Laing came to see her and he took his own clothes off and sat beside her. And she started talking to him. Just a bit. I mean, it's like the Holocaust.. it's like it never ended. I mean, there's a painting by Courbet that really disturbs me. It's of a very young girl. And she's undressed. And she looks so passive. It's a sad image. And you feel like a predator just seeing the image. I'm not sure the painting was by Courbet. But you think of pedophilic paintings by Picasso, and just about all the other painters. And Renoir, he was one of the only painters who seemed free of pedophilia, but there was a painting of a woman, who's naked, that I really loved, but then I found out she was only eighteen when she modelled for it. I mean, eighteen! That's way too young. She's still a teenager.”

Kyle: “I think it's very possible she was significantly older than eighteen. They do that with naked women in photographs. They say most of them are eighteen and I think there's even some photo-shopping with these photographs to make them look even younger than eighteen. I don't think they are eighteen. I think there's something very sinister going on with it all.”

Eric: “Other things, “The Janice Dickinson Agency”, MuchMusic Spring Break, what I see.. in the mainstream media.. it's horrible.. so many times I see a woman coercing a man to take off his clothes? And the man doesn't have the.... sense that the word “No” is a response that belongs in his vocabulary. As a man, in any kind of sexual encounter, he's supposed to do what the woman tells him to do. I mean.. I myself, as a man watching it, feel like an abuser as a witness to this.

Kyle: I've felt a similar feeling.. of being an abuser as a witness.. in respect to women.. who.. I mean, I remember seeing a video of a man forcing a woman out of her clothes on the internet.. and I felt like a participant in it.. seeing it.

Eric: You saw that?

Kyle: Yeah. Maybe it's not something you see in the mainstream media.

Eric: “The whole thing is, I'm not denying the existence of horrific, highly praised movies like “MASH”, where a woman is sexually abused as some form of humour, or the old James Bond movie, “The Living Daylights”, where a woman is sexually abused as part of the normal course of the espionage genre. It's simply the epidemic-level prevalence I find these days of men being sexually abused as something portrayed as entertainment and as “normal”, and the man has to smile and go along with it, on reality shows, in various fictional media. It's the mainstream media thing...I just can't stop thinking about what I've seen.. on reality shows that's been portrayed as normal.. that there doesn't seem to be any channel of dialogue in the actual mainstream media, on mainstream TV, as opposed to non-mainstream media, personal videos posted on the internet, that acknowledges that the idea of one's body belonging to oneself is anything but a woman's prerogative.

“I mean, I know of the horrific examples of 'sex videos' of famous women released to the public where the woman is portrayed by the media as having been a voluntarily participant, and that she herself is actually a sordid individual consequentially. This seems to happen to women who've already been vilified as being “bad examples”. It seems like women who are sexually abused by the media are vilified, whereas women in the media who sexually abuse men are endorsed. There's a glorification or “entertainment value” attached to the idea of women sexually coercing men, and the man has to smile.. has to affect confidence.. to think that he must want it because he's a man, and anything that purports to have something to do with sex is something the man must want, whether he likes it or not, as if the man not liking something is also something sexual and something that expressed on the part of the man, something he's expected to take an attitude of absolute passivity toward.. and go along with it.

“I mean, I can't even look at newspapers, because they have a sports section, and sports is a pedophilic operation. Because young boys who are just learning how to play baseball or football have no idea that they're being prepared for an unvolitional porn career as adults, to service predatory female sports journalists, sports journalists who then brag about in books and articles and interviews in 'Cosmopolitan', and are praised and fiercely, angrily defended by vile, predatory men and women. I mean, you read about female sport journalists waiting outside the showers as the men walk out, and sometimes people film the men in the showers, and the male athletes have no say in the matter. They can't sue for sexual harassment because the law is against them. The law supports rape. Simply because the athletes loved sports as kids. Someone wrote an article in “The Wall Street Journal”, a newspaper without a sports section, condemning the practice of female journalists in male athlete's locker rooms, and an athlete was passing the article to a friend in a locker room, and the Powers that Be heard it of it and forbade him from doing that. The athletes are absolutely silenced, like the locker rooms are prisons, torture chambers where your rights over your own physical self are robbed from you, where any dissent is silenced. I mean, there is no freedom of the press. It's a contradiction in terms. Censoring the free exchange of information, on the most basic level, simply passing a newspaper article to someone else, is censured, in the name of protecting the press.

“I mean, the media, I don't understand people in the media. Do they represent what people are like in general? It's chilling how society rallies around women who sexually mutilate women. I don't know how the men who are victimized and re-victimized by this survive it, how they survive society trying to pass the death sentence on them. I'm just thinking of the terror, the absolute terror, of being sexually mutilated.. and then. And you wonder if it's only an attitude of people who represent this mocking attitude through the media, an attitude of only media-people, whether the media is an instantaneous form of demonic possession. Or whether this represents people's attitudes outside the media as well. Are people actually like this? Are human beings just monstrous demons in disguise?

“I mean, I think of the scene in 'Kill Bill', when Uma Thurman's character sexually abuses a young, teenage, Asian boy. The scene was both pedophilic and racist. There's something about that movie that doesn't make sense. I had one thought after seeing the first few minutes of that movie, 'I think they just killed Uma Thurman'. And they photoshopped and voice-overed or voice-synthesized her into the rest of the movie. That's why her performance was so hollow, bland, empty, lacking in any of the patented Uma Thurman charisma; she was like a mannequin in that movie. Her performance was computer-generated. Any movies she made after 'Kill Bill' might have been previously filmed.

“I mean, the sexual abuse of boys in media, in mainstream books, the relentless pedophelia in the beginning of the book, “The Power of One”... pedophilia in children's “entertainment”, shows like “The Simpsons” and “Freaks and Geekz”, and movies like “The little rascals” and “Now and then”, and for the presumed adult pedophilic consumer, TV movies like “The Boys of St. Vincent, as well as foreign movies like “Pelle the Conqueror” and “My father's glory”... I just can't... I have trouble.. thinking about it. (starts crying again) I can't.. I'm sorry.. I just can't.. I mean, I've seen these shows, these movies, and it's like, Sartre wrote that to see is to violate. And that's what I feel like, a violator. Because I've seen children being violated, and just watching it, I feel like a child-rapist. I mean, the schools, the monstrous pedophilic schools, the one's where they forced boys to swim in a state of complete undress. I don't know how many of those schools there were. People who read about it on forums on the internet, they laugh, at boys being sexually abused in schools. These monsters laugh.”

Kyle: “If you go by the kind of people who post on the internet, of course you'll get the impression the average person in society is a sadistic pedophile. The internet isn't reality. It's a disease.”

Eric: “I don't understand. I've met some of the best people on innocent internet forums. Why weren't schools shut down permanently for this. And maintained in collective memory as having been evil, pedophilic institutions. Why was nobody prosecuted? Nobody went to jail for it. It's insane. I mean, I'm a prison abolitinionist. I can't believe I'm wishing people in prison! But this is just beyond the pale. It's just, prison also is a pedophilic insitution. So, how does it make sense to sense to send pedophiles to a pedophilic institution in the name of 'justice'? I mean, prisons.. I can't even think about prisons.. Walter Lippman has written about them. Prisons are the reality of the present-day holocaust. And Seymour Bushe has written about children in Abu Ghraib. There's still no mention of what happpenned to them..(pause) There was a painting I once saw in a book. It showed Jesus's mother sexually abusing her baby son Jesus who was in state of undress; it was an image of corporal punishment. The changed the virgin Mary into a sadistic, pedophilic monster. (pause) I remember, I was looking for female erotica on the internet, erotica notedly from the woman's perspective, and one of the first things I found was a woman describing herself and some friends of hers, when they were girls, raping a young boy.. all intended as female erotica. (pause) I think Christina Ricci and Kate Winslet are two of the most horrifically photoshop-video and electronically synthesized voice-overed visually mangled and distorted women in history. A visual editing and vocal falsification turned Christina Ricci into a pedophile in “Now and then”. Satanic photovideoshopping turned Kate Winslet into a pedophile in “The pianist”, “The pianist” I think the movie was called, I don't have it in me to look it up. I think she was going to be doing a movie about female nazis and the movie was changed into horrific pedophilia. I believe Kate Winslet is suicidal right now. So is Christina Ricci. (pause) I am going to show you three websites. There are more of their kind but I'm going to just show you three of them. I don't want to show them to you, because they will make you sick inside. They may cause an epileptic seizure. But they are websites that will show that there is a holocaust, a Shoah, happening around us right now as we speak. Before our eyes, available to be witnessed by anyone who scours the internet, to be witenessed by... children. They will show you that the Nazis won World War 2. And they will also show you who the real Nazis historically were. One site is the website of a Satanic cult, which involves, among many unspeakable depravities, a lot of pedophilia, but the disease they represent is not uncommon on the internet. The website is called 'Visual sensations for women'. And some of the stories on that website, with horrifically sexually victimized males, I think there are also sexually victimized women who aren't mentioned in the stories, as is usual in respect to the absolute invisibility of sexual victimization of women by other women. The other website is Topix Education forum, with the forum title 'nude boys swimming', just like 'live nude girls' except servicing pedophiles, and just about only pedophiles who approve of the practice seem to post on the forum. I don't know why. The last website is named 'Mr. Poll'.”

Erik's journal

___________

Before Jennifer Eve Tiamat, I had a dark romance with another Jennifer, a different Jennifer. She was Jennifer. I didn't know her last name and she didn't know mine. We were in a state of anonymity with each other.

And Erik realized, he'd never wanted there to be any darkness, any deadly seriousness to Jennifer's soul. Because she had to be happy, happy, happy to redeem the world. She had to be an infinite multiplicity of happy naked water nymphs of Jennifers to redeem the world. And she could only be perpetually, wholly positive and happy and weightless and unbound to any gravity any gravity of emotion, soul-horror, self-violation self-evil, self-immolation. So that whenever he remembered a child-raping, child-degrading, child-dehumanizing thing on the internet that slimed his soul inside out, Jennifer had to simply throw off her dress and walk around in beautiful unaffected natural self-nature unaffected womanhood with some carefree movement between a walk and a dance, but not one or the other so it would be a transition between them and not stately and regular or seductive or contoured or sinuous,. Uncontoured, he loves her body-motion uncontoured. To by her carefree, natural, unaffected naked woman-movements she would make his heart an unaffected half-dance. Her light, unaffected movement would unaffect his heart from all the affectations of soul-grime of dark heart-weight, heart-mass. From all the heart-weight that was affectation, architecture, tombs of heart-glooms. Affectations was tomb. So the holocaust atrocities he could find no criminalization of so he could easily solve it from his heart he needed the Jennifers, the naked water nymph Eve-Jenniifers having- having, not doing, “doing was wrong- their half-dance that would half-dance his heart away from the child-horror, away from evil against children that would immerse, like osmosis, into a passive quicksand of his soul, for the lack of even one solid, dark, absolute authority of a word that would criminalize it away from his passive quicksand heart that filled his world with it, one word that was not firmly, decisively negated by some rational, civilized pedophile that he knew was a pedophile but could not in any emotion of feeling believe was a pedophile because they talked so rationally because no pedophile could talk about such a topic so rationally and normally because it was such a normal thing to him that he could talk rationally and intelligently about. Besides, the pedophiles were so polite to women. In fact, they defended the women against anything that was done to children. How dare you protect children against women. No one should ever be against women under any circumstances, or even utter a word of disapproval for anything against children they've done..

Scene 3.

A cafe.

Jennifer: “Jerry, you're the only one I feel I can talk too, sometimes. I mean, without putting on a facade of self-composure. You're the only one to whom I feel I can unleash myself in all my natural chaos. I feel I can be my natural, clumsy, erratic, frazzled self before you.”

Jerry: “I didn't realize. I actually- well, actually had something of the opposite impression. I mean, I got the impression I brought out in you a guardedness and reserve.”

Jennifer: “For real? That's what I've seemed like? I wonder why? (pause) Well, I'm determined to be as far from guarding myself as I can be from now on. You'll then be the first to see the new me: uninhibited, unafraid, ready to confront anything or anyone, purposefully exposed to all ingredients of danger simmering and concocting in the angry, taunting brew of human society.”

Jerry: “Well, I can't wait to get to know this 'new you'. What will she tell me about her life, I wonder? What untold adventures lie behind her enigmatic eyes?”

Jennifer: “What do you want to know about me? I want to tell you everything. I want to tell you everything about myself. All my joys, all my buried fears, all the tremors of my conscience, all the uncertainty of my passions...”

Jerry: “What has stirred up this resolution of candour within you, I wonder?”

Jennifer: “Oh, what? It's a secret. Sorry.”

Jerry: “So there are to be secrets between us.”

Jennifer: “Just this one. It's a dangerous secret. We're being watched.”

Jerry: “Oh, are we? By whom?”

Jennifer: “No, not us. Him and me.”

Jerry: “Him?”

Jennifer: “Oh, I've let a piece of the secret slip out. Yes, there's a him. That's all I can say. We have to be careful.”

Jerry: “Do we? Under scrutiny, are you. Who, a jealous wife?”

Jennifer: “Someone who will come at us with a hatchet and murder us both if we don't keep our wits about us.”

Jerry: “So, it's a dangerous game you're playing.”

Jennifer: “Quite the game, yes.”

Jerry: “And you've made someone angry.”

Jennifer: “Maybe. If I've been indiscreet, I can't tell. I'm always under the gaze. How much it sees I don't know. I have to be careful of every pulse of introspection, of every newly flowering curiosity, every burst of new life within me. All of it can be analyzed and traced to its source.”

Jerry: “You've lost me.”

Jennifer: “Yes, I lose everyone.. in the end. But not this time. This time he will feel the seizure of my soul and feel compassion for it. They will not recoil from me this time. The craggy, hazardous terrain of my inward being will cease to be an evil confusion of properties unrecognizable to familiar humanity. I will tame the monster inside me.”

Jerry: “Monster?”

Jennifer: “The open sore always exposed to his feverish vision. The bloody gash which severs me from myself, which cuts me in twain. The seething abomination which grows under scrutiny, which comes to know itself under an instructing eye. He makes me know myself.”

Jerry: “Who does?”

Jennifer: “I can't tell, or I 'd be struck down. Right here before you.”

Jerry: “Jennifer... are you okay?”

Jennifer: “I'm afraid.”

Jerry: “I-... do you want me to get you some help?”

Jennifer: “Help? Whose help?”

Jerry: “People... people who care.”

Jennifer: “I.. I have to be a bit careful about.. people who care.”

Jerry: “I think you're in pain. I'm not sure if your new boyfriend is helping you.”

Jennifer: “He's my only hope. He may not know it. But there's a destiny between us.”

Jerry: “Maybe you should take it a bit easy with this new relationship.”

Jennifer: “I can't take it easy with anything anymore. Things are coming to a head.”

Jerry: “Well, I think you should try to slow down. With everything. Maybe I can find someone.”

Jennifer: “Someone? Kyle is my only someone.”

Jerry: “Who's Kyle? Is that his name? Is he the one hurting you?”

Jennifer: No! Nobody- nobody's hurting me. It's just me.”

Jerry: “Somebody's making things worse for you. Let me talk to him.”

Jennifer: “No! You don't even know who he is.”

Jerry: “Maybe you don't know who he is either. It doesn't sound like he's good for you. I'm not sure if you're in a state of mind to judge it for yourself.”

Jennifer: “What am I incapable of judging for myself? What's my state of mind? Only I know what I need. Only I know who I should invite inside myself. Only I can judge who is going to end up liking me. Out of all the thousands who won't.”

Jerry: “Is that all it depends on- that they like you? Is that such a daunting likelihood? You have no other criteria- just that they like you?”

Scene 4.

Kyle: “Hi, Jennifer. I'm glad to see you.”

Jennifer: “Thanks for calling me.”

Kyle: “If felt like I'd been a bit brusque in terminating our last meeting.”

Jennifer: “That's okay. I understand. The powerful feelings between us are scary to experience.”

Kyle: “Right. Uh, I'm sorry for getting all upset the way I did.”

Jennifer: (distantly) That's okay... That's... Kyle, do you trust me?”

Kyle: “Trust you? Uh.. I see no reason not to..”

Jennifer: (pause) I'm afraid, Kyle, that when I come to know you well, I'll betray you. I'm not sure how. I'm not sure if I'll sense it myself. It will happen maybe without my knowing it. It'll feel too natural to me for me to sense it. Because I see people strangely- like passive, will-less machines. People have no will of their own to me. They don't react to me. I have my way with them. I use them up. Then they disappear. Just fade away.. like melting snowflakes. I wonder if I hurt them without feeling it. I don't know. What do you feel right now, Kyle? You stand before me like a ghost. I can't sense your emotions. What are they?”

Kyle: “Well, I'm feeling.. concerned.. for you..”

Jennifer: “Is that what they all feel for me- concerned? How far do I drag them down? How terrible will this concern for me become for you? Will it enchain you along with me, bury you along with me? Will I doom you?”

Kyle: “I've never had any girl ask me these questions. Why are you so afraid of yourself? What horrible thing will you do to me?”

Jennifer: “I don't know.. if I will know. I hurt people. I never know how. When I'm with someone, I only feel like I'm talking with myself, that I'm talking through him, that he's there only to help complete a circuit to myself, that he exists only to facilitate my knowledge of myself. He isn't with me for himself. He's there as my reach into myself.”

Kyle: “Well, if I can help you know yourself better, I don't mind that. Especially if it's to like yourself better.”

Jennifer: “You say that now. What will it be after a period of feeling me drag on your heart, and of feeling me burn you with the waking nightmares I perform by day. You don't know me.”

Kyle: “What nightmares? There's been nothing nightmarish about my acquaintanceship with you.”

Jennifer: “You haven't.. known me long.”

Kyle: “I want to know you fora long time. I want to know you better. I do.”

Jennifer: (pause) Will you stand by me... through it all? You won't disappear?”

Kyle: “I'm not going anywhere.”

Jennifer: “I need to know.. that you won't end up running away in terror. Deep beneath their discreet silences and polite composures, I feel that is happening.”

Kyle: “I don't scare easy.”

Jennifer: “I don't know.. if you believe.. your words.”

Kyle: “I believe in you. You'll pull me through. You're a positive force to me.”

Jennifer: “I- want to be that.”

Hanno's journal

_____________

Loki felt to many of the Aesir as a giant in their midst. Someone too large for their little society..

“The cloud stupefies his ravenous, bursting impulses..”

“Loki lives in a world of falsities. All people about him are false to him, are to him false principles.. He rests himself upon the falseness of others. All the strenuous exertions of Loki- it is as if all of ourselves, our society, are but stringent, straining chords, binding him but barely, their strength gradually breaking and withering by his exertions to break through.. all of our stupefying society, our stupefying cloud, are the chords binding him..”

Loki wove dreams for actors. He formulated and conceptualized the ambition of the actor. By his special weaving will people took it into their head to become actors. Actors sought a hopelessly refined form of communication, sought perfect, refined personages through which to communicate, sought all form's, all levels, of social status for themselves. To become an actor was an attempt to break free of one's allotted class, to play all classes, all levels of personages. As an actor one translated oneself to social classes and strata. As an actor, one translated oneself to society, society was the lens through which one wove oneself. One sought within society for one's home, as an actor. An actor plunges within society..

One's intonation of a word was determined by its place in the whole essay, rather than in the sentence. The intonation made sense to itself within the context of a page of writing. The whole essay shaped the particular intonation.. the intonation echoed across the whole essay, rebounded against its wall and limits. Was there any treasure in Loki's speech?

Loki assumed all things to be conscious of their own perversion. Loki awoke eerie voices within Artemis. She felt herself enhancing a crumbling within herself into endless horrific laughter.. a horrific rocking, tempestuous ocean of laughter... Did laughter induce the sensation within oneself of gravity? One's compulsion to laughter was one's compulsion to darken oneself.. to make oneself deeper than sight.. buried to vision..

The familiar guidance of Loki's excruciating, painstaking inwardness.. All about herself Artemis sensed his familiar inward perambulations and seekings.. Was Artemis, like Idun, being compressed within Loki's inwardness.. compressed into an embryonic demon.. becoming the embryonic form and nature of a demonic being..

“Some of the Aesir discern that Loki perceives their roots.. roots of themselves which burrow where they cannot sense..the trickery of his mind is honed to the sensibility of their root workings.. they wonder at what point they will be made a commodity of one of Loki's bargains by his special knowledge of their particular, precise internal properties.. The Aesir feel inadequate to his presence.. they wish to be what he needs them to be.. they wish to meet his measure.. to be the precise weight of self-consciousness he assumes of them. Self-consciousness is a weight, you see.. One becomes heavier the more conscious of oneself one becomes. They thus seek their own inner root workings.. all the mangled roots of Yggdrassl.. They feel by not being up to the standard of refinement and sophistication of his image of them that they deceive him.”

Freyja felt often that she needed to be more to Loki than she was. That there was a sophistication lacking to her.. that there was much as yet to interpret of her Vanir-consciousness, the fundamental uncertainty to her existence amidst the Aesir...

Freyja felt in fights of ecstatic fancy she making herself the most precious jewel to Loki. She would be the most sophisticated jewel of his knowledge of esoterica. Would she make herself as much of a hostage of Loki's soul as the giants were as such predisposed to make of her? She imagined sometimes in moments of perverse fancy that all the giants were working for Loki.. that he was secretly arranging all their ambitious designs for he capture.. that he was the mastermind of the giants..Would she have been escorted to him on one of those occasions of her intended capture.. as he sat in a dark, rocky, bejewelled throne?

And.. and.. he seemed to be becoming more of stranger to the Aesir with each passing day.. He was someone she was the more imagining as someone distant from her familiar haunts and secret abodes. He seemed to be descending within himself. In his personal company, it had come to feel she was occupying a strange land.. a landscape of gloomy depths and wastelands, almost similar to the distant vision of the gloomy, foggy breadths inhabited by the craftsman who had built their fortress and had wished to claim her soul for its consummation. Was his bargain somehow coming to achieving its prearranged culmination after all? Had the terms of the contract been set in inexorable mechanations to be achieved one way or another.. engraven as they were in unwaverable stone. Had Loki enwoven himself within the engraven contract by effectively breaking it for her benefit? Had he woven his soul within the contract, made it is new commodity of exchange, the new weight to replace the old one he'd undone? He'd become to her an image of thick swarms of grey fogs. Had he been taken instead of her? She saw in his eyes the sense that something had been claimed of his soul.. that his dubious, convoluted manipulations of contracts had worn on his soul... All Loki's contracts with people were premised on the future. Loki's inwardness could just barely save as it could doom. Loki outwitted the giants to maintain his stronghold within the Aesir, and that stronghold seemed to have become a prison. Commerce to Loki was a prison within which only he could operate.

Freyja spoke with enhancingly harrowed sadness, “Loki now exists solely for the preservation of our fortress. He is the image of the culmination of our contract. He's become the image of the contract, of its grim specificities. He's disappearing into the fog-enwrapped land of the giants.”

His image was becoming greyer and greyer before her.. as of the texture of immutable rock. All was being seized to the condition of his isolation. All was being engraven to Loki's will.,

“Did I imprison him?, said Freyja with tear-stricken horror, “... like a Vanir.. as the other Vanir had imprisoned Mimir I've imprisoned Loki..”

Scene:

Eric is sitting at a table at a dimly lit cafe. He is speaking into a tape recorder.

Erik: “I remember being horrified when I read Winona Ryder calling Joyce Maynard a fucking bitch. That was it, my Winona crush was over. And then I read an article in which Joyce Maynard was describing Bill Clinton like he was a sexual predator and I thought maybe Winona has a point. (pause) See, okay, what was so wrong about Mel Gibson calling Winona Ryder an “oven dodger”. There are much worse you could call Winona Ryder. And people have. (pause) Okay, the scene in Spider-man 3 when Gwen Stacy is dangling from a Building and Topher Grace stops to have conversation with Captain Stacey is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Like, “Oh, Spider-man will save her. Oh, by the way I'm her boyfriend. Let's be pals”. Anyone who says that movie wasn't the best of the series is out of their minds. See, I don't think it was so cool in the comics for Gwen Stacey to do that wiplash thing with her neck while she was plummeting to her death. (longer pause) One of the coolest things ever written on the internet was when Harry Knowles wrote that Neo in “Matrix: Reloaded” was Osama Bin Laden. Finally, Harry Knowles gets some of his own words on that fucking website which was hacked and stolen from him. It was why they assassinated him. I believe Osama Bin Laden was not guilty, well, I don't care if he was guilty, we still needed him on our side. 'Now, matters are worse'. (pause) In the comic book miniseries, 'Justice', about the Justice League, Giganta was Clayface. And I think she was meant to be the Clayface of that dreadful Clayface vs. “Poison Ivy” story. And I mean “Poison Ivy” in quotation marks. (pause) Okay, so it was cool, women were calling each other “bitch” back and forth ping-pong bitch diplomacy style and it was making women feel safe about the word, so they called a feminist magazine “Bitch” to take care of that. But I cannot belabour the point to much about feminism, I mean, to state the obvious, I mean to call a feminist publication “Bitch”- you can't get more obvious than that. (pause) I remember the “Amazing Heroes” issue where they were saying that when superheroes and superhero teams meet each other they are perfect gentlemen and gentlewomen to each other and “Amazing Heroes” thought it was a riot.”

Erik's old high-school friend Mike appears, Star Trek teleportation style from the spectral realm.

Mike: “It's me, Mike. I'm still just Mike. I'm not Michael. I've never throughout my high school career and afterwards been called Michael. I would die before I was called Michael- oh, wait. (pause) Okay, I'm going to give you some information from the secret Illuminati files. There were two Spencer Tracy's. It makes no sense that one man would age and Katherine Hepburn wouldn't.”

Eric: “Hi, Mike, I could use some advice. The thing is, I'm writing Artemis in my novel. And I'm writing Renoir's naked Artemis, because I think it's important. I think he had access to Greek texts and art that isn't available anymore. It's just that, if there's ever a movie made of my novel, an actress being naked in the screenplay- I'm horrified at the thought of being a male Janice Dickinson. I'm just thinking, if Artemis could be played by a porn star, it's like, it could open channel which are iron-gated right now to porn actress being Hollywood movie stars, but I'm still wondering if it's appropriate to suggest even to a porn star that she be naked in a movie. I mean, the word 'suggest' is horrible. It seems like the woman herself should be the only one to bring the subject up. Maybe, a movie of my novel should be animated, at least in part.”

Mike: “I absolutely don't think there's anything wrong with a woman being naked in a movie if she's a porn star.”

Roger Ebert wanders in, reading a copy of Sartre's “Being and Nothingness”.

Roger Ebert: “Sartre, Sartre, nothing but fucking Sartre. I can't figure this shit out. I used to write screenplays, I should be able to read this. He's some sort of genius, I think.”

Erik: “Hi, Ebert, there was one thing I was hoping you could explain to me about Scorcese's “The Age of Innocence”. Winona Ryder was doing the cleavage thing she does so well in the beginning of the movie, and that's in the book. May Welland had cleavage in the book. But then a reviewer whose name I can't remember said something a bit odd. He talked about how one of the more seductive occasions of on-screen nudity in “The Age of Innocence” was when Newland Archer lifts up a bit of Countess Olenska's sleeve off her wrist.

Roger Ebert: I have no answer. The commercial success of that movie mystifies me.

Eric: It's just, I think that the Merchant-Ivory team and the made their disaster-movie “The Golden Bowl” as a result, which I don't think was the movie they wanted to make. The whole point of that movie was to show that their was a lot of free love in that era of England, they wanted to show it was like a hippie commune.” Remember, Edith Wharton was passionate about Walt Whitman's “Leaves of Grass”, which was as anti-etiquette a book as you could get. I think she read that book more than a 100 times.”

Erik opens his notebook. He looks at a page of some old writing of his from ten years ago. It has one sentence on it.

“Kate Moss is fat.”

Erik: “Why the hell did I write that? Irony has to have some context that isn't from mars!”

Erik calms down. He opens the notebook to a blank page and starts writing. Then something takes control of his hand as he writes. He is channelling the spirit realm. He writes:

“Ulysses

was....

too much

of.. a .. bother.......

.............

............

not...

for..

FUCKING..

HENRY... JAMES....!”

The phantom of Henry James appears.

Henry James: “I just have a couple of comments to make so I'll be uncharacteristically brief. See, I just wanted to comment on Edith Wharton. She had read 'The Golden Bowl' and she felt it wasn't clear enough that Maggie Verver was a supporting character. So she wrote 'The Age of Innocence'. And what mattered most to her for me to mention was she also believed pregnancy was one of the most villainous elements of the feminine nature. That's all I have to say at the time, Illuminati protocol and all. We will meet again, hopefully with Edith as well.”

James Joyce: Don't worry about the visual description in your novel, Eric. There's very little visual description in Ulysses. It's mostly dialogue and dialogue as thought processes.

Marcel Proust: There's very little visual description in “Remembrance of thing past”. Very little.

Henry James: There's very little visual description in “The Golden Bowl. It's mostly cerebration, and some dialogue once in a while. Mostly cerebration, intellection.

Roger Ebert: Intellection! I like that word. I'm going to write it down. Intellection. How do you spell that?

Roger Ebert gives up, and walks off to get a phantom coffee. So does Mike. Eric starts talking into his tape recorder again.

Erik: There's something about Henry Jame's “The Ambassadors” that bothers me. I think it was drasticly re-edited without his permission. That scene, where Strether is regaling Chad with abuse, and Chad just is an absolute gentleman about it. I don't think he meant Chad to be that much of a gentleman. No one is that much of a gentleman. I think in the original Jamesian novel Chad tells Strether to fuck off. After all, Henry Miller didn't live that long after Henry James, not long enough to make that much of a difference in language.”

Mike comes back.

Mike: “Okay, I talked to a recently deceased Hollywood producer who had talked to Mel Gibson about the oven-dodger comment. Mel said he said it but didn't mean anything by it. It was just a manifestation of his his comical death-wish. Here's the thing about Mel Gibson. He's alive and is going to remain so. He's not going to commit suicide. He's tried it and failed repeatedly.”

Dead Hollywood producer: “There's something about dying and going to heaven. It makes you hate Winona Ryder. Just ask Brittany Murphy.”

Erik: “See, I think there's something really dark about Winona Ryder. She once said she was happy she had the power to predict plane crashes that killed lots of people. Not to prevent them, just to predict them. And when she once said she found Ralph Fiennes really attractive in “Shindler's List”. I don't think that was the impression he was going for.”

Mike: “Speaking about darkness and death, back during high-school, when we were role-playing that game with zombies. And one of the imaginary women- she's here, she's fine- when the zombies put her into a funeral casket and took her away and we were saying that she never got a funeral and you said she sort of had and I said that was black I felt bad because you were just stating the obvious. The thing is, the zombies were actually trying to protect her. From us, I think.”

Erik: Where's Ebert.

Mike: He's still waiting for his coffee.

Eric: “See, what was subversive about Roger Ebert is he said things like that he didn't like 'Porky's' because the scene of being caught naked in public was given to a man instead of, as he said was usual in movies, to a woman, and he said that was one of the main reasons the movie 'Porky's' hated women.”

Roger Ebert comes back, sits down.

Roger Ebert: “Okay, this is important. I talked to Andrew Garfield. And he said felt terrible about the whole car-thief scene in “The so-called Amazing Spider-man”. He was told to improvise and he couldn't come up with anything so he just made sounds. And it was he felt he was geeky in the movie, and okay, he's playing Peter Parker, but he was also playing Spider-man as a geek.”

Erik: “Andrew Garfield should play another villain in a movie, just a bit more subdued and restrained than the one he played in 'The Amazing Spider-man', like Alan Rickman in 'Die Hard' or Billy Zane in 'Titanic'. See, there was something that was so awesome about Billy Zane in it. The scene where he picks up a random child and tells people 'I've got a child! I've got a child! She's all I have left'. And he gets off the ship. I mean, I never would have thought of that.”

Dead Hollywood producer: “One of the biggest-kept secrets in Hollywood was that after 'Titanic' there was a Billy Zane-mania that was even bigger than Decaprio-mania.”

Speaking of Hollywood villains, the Heaven-based parallel reality version of Tzipi Livni appears.

Parellel-reality Tzipi Livni: “I think you were right about the Tzipi Livni of your reality, Erik. I don't think she's an evil woman. I think she makes homicidal comments on purpose. There is something so horrific going on in Israel that is being kept closed from all public eyes.”

After these cryptic statements, the parallel-reality Tzipi Livni evaporates.

Brittany Murphy appears from the air, like a willo-the whisp. She silently, like Banquo's ghost, walks to the table, they're sitting at, sits down, and doesn't talk for a signifanct time, and then finally speaks.

Brittany Murphy: “If Winona Ryder does not hate herself then she's an asshole.”

Erik: “I'm going to include that in my novel but I doubt Winona Ryder will ever date me after it's published.”

Brittany Murphy: “She will! She will! She likes all this shit. Honest!”

Polly Klaas appears

Polly Klaas: “See, Erik, I was very happy to find out that Winona Ryder was going to be naked in “Little Women”, then I found out she was being sarcastic. Bummer.”

Polly Klaas, having said her piece, disappears.

Roger Ebert: “Harry Knowles. Ah, my best friend, not Gene Siskel, Harry Knowles, there was something about Harry Knowles that was so awesome on the show. What was it- oh yeah, he stole from the Oscars, that's why I didn't hire him. I reminisce about Oscar-night. Angelina Jolie and her brother. Angelina Jolie really liked those rumours about her and her brother. That's why she was reading them out loud with a fine-toothed comb on Jay Leno. That's why she's was kissing her brother on a magazine cover- why she was french-kissing her brother on a magazine cover. (pause) I should have done a show with Pauline Kael. When Pauline Kael gave 'Batman' a positive review, which I didn't, it was amazing. She never thought that would get through.”

Erik: “I never expected Pauline Kael to give Batman a positive review. To actually say it was a terrific movie.”

Roger Ebert: “I know. I mean, John Simon was furious when he read it. He said she was gonna blow the whole racket. So he killed her.”

Mike: “See, Erik, in high school, I was against the death-penalty and I knew you were too. I knew you were just playing devils-advocate. Joel, well, he liked killing in general so he was in favour of the death-penalty.”

Erik: “See, that's what bothers me about myself. I wasn't entirely against the death-penalty. I was against abortion, and that was unpopular. So, I just felt, if I had to be in favour of abortion, it made no sense for me not to be in favour of the death-penalty. To be against life in general.”

Mike: “Right now, the talkbackers on Ain't it Cool news are trying to pass the death-penalty on Harry Knowleds. They're demonically possessed, like the Manson cult,but they're not actually that bad otherwise. They may even like your novel.”

Naked women angels from Heaven appear, the Illuminati women.

Illuminati women: “Speaking of demonic possession and the Manson cult, the thing about feminists is, we feel bad when we keep on saying “fucking bitches” over and over again because we feel like bullies; it's like we know the fucking bitches are actually overpoweringly powerful, brave, courageous, self-possessed women.”

Roger Ebert: “See, they really are fearless. Self-preservation is no kind of a principle. They're working for a higher ideology than themselves- feminism. That's what Joel Silver told me, 'Wonder Woman is not a feminist, fuck that shit! She flies around in lingerie, what kind of a fucking feminist is that? Enough already!' And George Perez drew her naked in the comics. Feminist, like shit!' Joel Silver talks like that. He swears a lot.”

- end scene -

Hanno's journal

_____________

I've got my naked goddess Athena. My naked female spy. My naked female spy who went underground to plot her political internationally geopolitical orchestrations with her cunningly naked female body which she orchestrates into naked enf desirings toward political nakedly female as only a naked female can be self-serving for her own female nudity in public orchestrations of her own naked body caught naked in the centre of her own orchestrations which repeatedly mishap her naked body into the public eye.. for political purposes which she forgot... but will remember as soon as she has attained her nakedness in her own circumstances.. her own complications which always render her motives naked to herself and others so she can remember them and and checkmate herself forward into another board, another political chess board of another political international scale of orchestration where she can checkmate herself into nakedness again in the public political arena and advance upward naked in self-serving political nakedness of the female form on an escalator to be an ever more powerfully naked female player in the political scheme of public inquiry and naked bodyrole of naked female bitchery of woman who wants to be naked for selfservingly nudewoman femaleveins of self-serving masturbatory serving her nakedwomangoddess naked athena self on a nudesilver platter to be a nudeminerva for public male consumption. Naked athena uses mental memory memoryfemanaked signals and femininakey cues to signal her own naked memory in the nick of time of her own naked body in public media to ulterior in her selfnaked consciousness of of purposed her naked body to naked body-consciousness to naked self-consciousness of political espionagenakedwoman to her own selfserving toward her own naked war for her publicly naked female body to espionage diplomatic negotiation for sellin' her favours for her own naked exhibition for political leverage for her naked hijinking through her naked dancing through catastrophes which are heartbeat signals and emotional naked cues for her orchestration of her next checkmating into herown bodying into political and personal nakedness for personal and political gains of her ne'r do well desires for public recognition as a political machiavel who serves her vanity rather than the common good 'cause she forgot.

“Hmh”, Hanno reading his Athena naked female spy writing, “Maybe, I didn't use the word 'naked' enough'”

Illuminati women: “No, you did! You did! Don't worry!”

Scene:

Eric is still sitting at the same cafe, talking to his friends from the parallel reality Heaven.

Roger Ebert: “See, what bothers me about Hollywood, is that that woman, that villainess, in 'Super Mario Bros.', was naked in a bathtub with Dennis Hopper and they fried her into a decaying corpse for that because it was a children's movie.”

Former “Big Brother” contestent: “Will Kirby is meant to be with us but he's not. The reason he's not with us, he's Will. They've tried to kill him over and over again but they'll never succeed.”

Mike: “Okay, Eric, this is bothering me. I want you to be able to trust us when we say we're the real people who died and are now in Heaven. And when former reality star contestants of 'Big Brother' start saying they're in Heaven you know someone is lying.”

John Simon: “Sorry, guys, I died. They'll never report it just out of spite. I committed suicide to encourage other film critics to do the same. It's just me. I never realized I could have just played a baddie in a movie. I could have been Alan Rickman. I could have been just a crook. Some of the kids in Heaven are reading Normon Wilner's reading review of “Die Hard”, and, I mean, they know that Bruce Willis is still cooler than Alan Rickman, but they still like it. (pause) See, I only read Batman comics when I was a kid, and when I was writing the review of the movie, I kept on wondering, why I am I not giving this a positive review? I mean, I wrote that the Batman movie had only two good scenes and neither one had Batman in it. I mean, I wrote I liked the scene where the Joker trashes the museum because it was me working through my elitist self-hatred, but Roger Ebert despised that scene so at least there was something good about my review. See, I gave 'Star Wars' a positive review, so I was better than Stanley Kauffman. But mostly, I was worse. I wanted to say more about 'Star Wars', that it was a great movie for kids, but only for kids, not for adults like me.”

Roger Ebert: “Pauline Kael should have done a show with John Simon. Like.. “Kael and Simon”.. or “Simon and Kael”.. wait.. Simon Cowell.. that says it all.”

Brittany Murphy: “Wait, we could have done 'Murphy and Ryder' or 'Ryder and Murphy' and could just have been about fighting and nothing else.. just a Hollywood catharsis. That's the thing, Winona hates Gwyneth, she hated me, she hates blond people because they look like Heathers and then she lied and claimed she was a natural blond just to pour salt in our wounds. She's just like that. I mean when she said she was a blond everyone thought it was a riot but she took it so seriously because she's a closet Heather that she now thinks its true and I'm kind of scared for her. The thing is, Timothy Leary has also adopted me as his other goddaughter so Winona and me are kind of related so we're in it for life. Boy, I'm having this weird feeling, I'm beginning to feel like a Gwyneth-hater. Remember those? I mean, Winona and I are like Goneral and Regan: 'if the poison doesn't work, I'll never trust medicine.' Sisters are always supposed to hate each other. I think the earth would split apart and devour the whole human population if that was ever not the case.”

Stanislavski: “See, the inveterate conflict between females is something that has always needed cultural documentation. Originally, Goneral and Regan were lovers, not sisters.”

Brittany Murphy: “Yeah, Winona tried that with me once. She made sure the paparazzi was there and everything but I wasn't having any of it. Oh my God, I can't handle this horrible dry vocal delivery I'm doing. It's worse than my acting in 'Just married'.”

Roger Ebert: “The comical thing is Winona's forte too. She pretended to be a documentarian in 'Reality Bites'. That was a great comical performance. She invented shaky-cam. (pause) See, Erik, speaking of comical performances, it's like, when Siskel and I were doing things like praising 'Fargo', it was like the scene in 'Hamlet' when Hamlet refrains from killing his uncle, saying he wants to make sure his uncle's soul goes to hell when he kills him, “that his soul be as pitch and black as hell, whereto it goes”, and he doesn't mean a word of it, it's just a verbal autopoesis, and that was what it was like with me and Siskel and then Roeper and me. We were just talking with enormous conviction things we weren't even conscious of. That whole blank, 'bestial oblivion' that Hamlet is undergoing when he's speaking his brilliant dialectic, like on autopilot. We were on autopilot. (pause) See, 'The Apprentice', that was the real Enron. That show was just so vicious. Caroline quit because she became sick of it.”

Illuminati women: “No.. no.. we can't say that.. we just can't..”

Roger Ebert: “Irony is lost on women.”

Mike: “Don't worry about Winona, Eric, all the nasty comments about her are coming from Brittany Murphy, so that's okay, because she's a lovely person.”

Brittany Murphy: “That's the whole thing, Winona kept on doing this thing, 'I'm so emotional and sensitive and frail and weak-willed in movies and pathetic', blah, blah, blah, and she hated the whole media image that was being manufactured about her and the comments that were being attributed to her and the voice-overs, but she was fuelling it with those comments, she was like she was 'little girl lost' and Drew Barrymore already wrote the book on that. I'm crying for Winona now, because of all the stuff I'm saying... boohoohoohoo...”

Roger Ebert: (reading his book)“... stupid, fucking Sartre.. wait, Erik, I'm good friends with Sartre but I'm good friends with Siskel too. (puts the book down and starts reading off his phantom labtop) See, there's a Harry Knowles legacy. There are many Harry Knowles. And Harry Knowles the first died, assassinated. And he just wrote a review of the movie of 'Chicago'. It was just one word: 'Bad'. (pause) I'm just reading my 'MASH' review! It's the worse thing ever written! What did I write? That if they rape her its because they want her to feel her humanity? I know it was me playing the villain, but even Richard III had some restraint. See, Eric, you didn't like my 'MASH' review and neither did I but Sally Kellerman read it and thought it was hilarious, much funnier than the movie, which admittedly isn't saying much.”

A ready and armed Kipland Kinkel bombasts on to the scene.

Kipland Kinkel: “Sorry, guys, I died in prison. Okay, I'll explain why I snapped and shot up a school. It was something to do with China. No, sorry, it was that fucking Romeo and Juliet movie. No, sorry, it wasn't that. It was the fucking gun-control laws that drove me insane just like they did Charlton Heston and Wendy McElroy. Okay, no, it was 'Jeapordy'. My parents loved that show and they wouldn't fucking turn it off. So I did. Okay, I'll stop trying to talk like Spider-man, I mean the despicable Peter David version. Okay, reasons- there are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you have guns. Wait, Eric, I'm still trying to get my point across. I didn't really like what I did. That's important. This is terrible, I'm living up to my reputation on the net, which I loathed.”

Roger Ebert: “Wait, Eric, the whole snappy-patter was important with Spider-man. What was important about it with him is that he never knew when to shut up.”

Kipland Kinkel: “Wait, are we turning into Mr. Testy Moral here, Roger Ebert, Mr. “I think I'll endorse rape today in my 'MASH' review.”

Roger Ebert: “No, sorry, what I meant was, I think this unrepentant Kipland Kinkel is going to really fly well with people, because the remorseful one sure didn't. This is what Anthony Burgess wanted to do with “A Clockwork Orange” before Stanley Kubrick fucked it up. I really hated that movie.”

Kipland Kinkel: “No, wait, I really am repentant, I really am- I can't, I can't say that with a straight face.”

Brittany Murphy: “I just can't handle the whole “boohoohoo” thing I was doing. I'm going to be a more beloved person than Kipland Kinkel when this book comes out. No, I'm just kidding, obviously. No one is cooler than Kip.”

Nicholas Colasanto, formerly “Coach” on the sitcom“Cheers”, appears.

Nicholas Colasanto: “Hi, guys, remember me from Cheers? NORM! I mean, CHOACH- I mean, never mind. (pause) See, Diane was the heart and soul of that show. After she left, she show stayed strong for one season and then immediately committed collective suicide Jonestown Cheers-gang style. It was because of Rebecca. They were following her example of portraying a businesswoman. She should have gone on 'The Apprentice', then the next ten seasons of it could have been goofy fun instead of a serious study of business mores and values. The show would have brought a successful culmination to Kirstie Alley's decade-long quest of bringing an undignified end to the phenomenon of businesswomen in America, again, Jonestown-style. Sorry, Heaven brings out the dry wit in me I never succombed to on the show. I never talked like this on the show! Diana always elevated the dialogue with her natural integrity common to all women except those in business, at least those who choose to promote the fact on 'The Apprentice'.”

Henry Cavill materializes.

Henry Cavill: “Sorry, guys, I died. I committed suicide after 'Man of Steel' because of the underwhelming box-office returns. Now they'll photoshop me into the next movie with Ben Affleck it'll probably make a billion dollars, twice as the much as the original, because it'll have twice the star-power, why they put Batman and Superman in the same fucking movie. Ben Affleck knows what's going on and the only thing keeping him alive is the petition to stop him from being Batman. I mean,'The Avengers', don't get me started on 'The Avenger'. It was a flop. It's success was completely media-fabricated. Audiences knew it was shit. When the villain is the best thing in the movie you know something's wrong.”

Roger Ebert: “Faora in “Man of Steel” was terrifying. She underplayed the role just like Al Pacino in 'The Godfather'”

Henry Cavill: “That's exactly what she was saying: 'I'm going to base my work in 'Man of Steel' on Al Pacino in 'The Godfather'. Hey, the Illuminati is getting me up to speed, playing a recording of the preceding conversation at quantum speed. Mental information processing is so cool in Heaven. Hey, I never got that scene in 'Spider-man 3'. Topher Grace is a comic genius! He probably improvised that scene. It sure looked it. Haha, I can't handle the way Kipland Kinkel talks in Heaven. He's just like, well,the way they wanted me to be after 'Man of Steel' after I killed Zod. I mean, when my partner in crime Zod and I destroyed all those buildings and people in 'Man of Steel' I think it was cathartic for America. 9/11 on a grander scale, courtesy of Superman. Who brought Zod to the planet in the first place so they could accomplish their work together to bring in the new age of Krypton? Creative destructive Michael Ledeen-style. Alan Moore never wrote a more relevant screenplay.”

Tom Hanks: “Sorry, guys, I died. I committed suicide because it's been almost ten years since I last won an oscar. Oh, fuck, it's been more. I'm crying now. My tears are not worth you people in Heaven.

Henry Cavill: “See, Erik, I'd be really disappointed if after you wrote this novel I was still alive, or if something pretending to be me was still alive. See, the actor whose going to be photoshopped, or photovideoed- is that the term- to be me in the sequel to 'Man of Steel', I know him. He's a good guy. Don't worry, there's no way my understudy is going to have a problem with this. After this novel, they're going to be saying, 'We love you, Henry Cavill, come back'. I'll have to say, 'Sorry, I can't. I'm not Superman. I can't come back, even as four people.'”

Roger Ebert: “I mean, I didn't know, like, you could say stuff, like “Wonder Woman's vagina” in Heaven that you can't say on earth. That that was the whole point of there being a Heaven. I guess that was the whole point of their being 'The Vagina dialogues' on earth, but it didn't fly. Superman doesn't exist there. Wonder Woman's vagina: in Heaven, that's the first thing you meet. Until I met her, I didn't know she was a naked giantess just like Giganta and Athena and Ishtar and Anna Livia, who may have started all that vagina nonsense. Oh, no, I just heard she was a late-comer, sorry; Wonder Woman started it. I don't know why Gail Simone made all those coarse comments about Giganta's body in 'The all-new Atom', though. Udders, indeed.”

Tom Hanks: “Heaven brings me back memories of my time as a comic actor. I remember that whole comic phase of my career, except for the dramatic interlude of my guest-role on 'Family Ties'. Oh my God, I was terrible in those episodes. I should never have won an Emmy.”

Henry Cavill: “See, after Quentin Tarantino hears my say all this cool stuff in Heaven I never got a chance to say on earth, he's going to want me in one of his movies. And I'll just say, 'I'll just say, sorry, I can't, I'm no longer a Hollywood actor, I have a life now.' And he'll say, 'But I wanted to put you in one of my movies so I could kill you in it, first in the movie and then in real life, just like Uma Thurman, and then I'd just claim you tried to burglarize my house. I'm reading some old Superman comics I brought with me. Jerry Siegal's Superman really didn't know when to shut up. This is insane! What is wrong with this bastard? Why did I ever promote his values in a movie? It's just.. killing Zod... I just.. I just wasn't meant to be a Superman who scared kids.. I just wasn't... (pause) I mean, how are they gonna do Wonder Woman in the movie? How are they going to beat Superman defeating an earthquake and my Superman defeating lots of buildings and the people in them? ”

Female Illuminati angels: “Okay, here's something else. The feminists are awesome at hand-to-hand combat and the female angels stink at hand-to-hand combat. We don't envy them at all in this respect but we're just- we dunno, lost our train of thought... It's just like, they're warriors and we aren't. We're just lazy, we're the singing Ancient Greek chorus of naked women described in Nietzsche's “The birth of Tragedy”.

Henry Cavill: “See, Eric, I was working on my facial expressions for Superman, trying to get it to communicate decency. That was before I read the old Superman comics and realized there was no decency in the man.”

Dead Hollywood producer: “There's something really important Al Capone is just now saying about Bugsy Malone over the Illuminati transmitters. Bugsy was really important. He was meant to reform parliament. Just like Guy Fawkes.”

Mike: “Wait, Erik, I'm just reading what Shaw said about Guy Fawkes and parliament, and it makes no sense- it makes no sense that the same guy wrote “The sanity of art”. I mean, Shaw was just insane.. he was.. he was a real.. a real Irishman. There was something about Shaw: he was really meant to be a terrorist. Instead, he wrote plays. A wasted talent.

Timothy Leary appears.

Timothy Leary: “I recently found out something. I was the reincarnation of Dostoevsky. Who was the reincarnation of Mozart. Dostoevsky wrote his intricate plots like musical compositions. See, I'm Dostoevsky, so when I died as Timothy Leary, I didn't except to go to Heaven. I was expecting to go to Hell, because of all that stuff I did in the '60's, LSD and all that. See, Erik, I think a lot of writing it's about the rhythm of the writing and not the content. The subtext is in the rhythm.”

Timothy Leary/Dostoevsky/Mozart fades away.

Mike: “See, there's something about writing this novel. We just have to keep slogging away at it until it all comes together, just like 'Finnegans Wake'. Although that too fourteen, no- seventeen years to write. That was some hard slogging.”

Will Kirby appears.

Will Kirby: “Sorry, guys, I died. It was only a matter of time. I'm surprised they kept me alive this long but I guess I was that good. I should never have gone back. See, I just wanted to clarify. They were promoting male rape on a regular basis on 'Big Brother', so the thought that they'd step it up to murder is not off the charts at all. It's all for the sake of the audience. We're not the first people to die for ratings. God, I remember the movie 'Network'. The whole point was to sit through that whole movie all for that stupid punch-line. I never actually had a great sense of humour on the show, my sense of humour was all in the plotting, just like Richard Hatch and Dostoevsky- I mean, Timothy Leary.”

George Bush Sr.: “Sorry, guys, I died. Okay, sorry, I lied. I'm not the real George Bush Sr. I'm his double. I just wanted to have a line.”

Brittany Murphy: “Winona Murphy. Ach, I called myself Winona Murphy. That's the thing. She's no different than me. This is how she talks about other actresses. You should hear her go on about Gwyneth.”

Harry Knowles appears.

Harry Knowles: “I was doing all my underground investigations in Hollywood. I was the Sam Spade of Hollywood. Why I lost touch with Roger Ebert, took his name off the sign above my door and everything, it was because I stole from the Oscars; well, I was doing my Sam Spade thing.”

Eric: “I'm thinking that perpetually stunned, paralyzed, frightened look Famke Jannsen had as the Pheonix throughout X-men 3 may have been a result of a scene which may have been voice-synched an voice-overed in an Eddie Murphy children's movie “I spy”, in which her character threatens to sexually mutilate Eddie Murphy's character. The perpetual guilty look she has in X-men 3 may have been a result of that. The Phoenix was actually brilliantly visualized by Brett Ratner in that movie, Jean Grey just sitting, paralyzed, at a chair, trying to restrain unrestrainable forces unleashing chaos around her, with her absolute, infinitely passive immobility. That was the Phoenix.”

Harry Knowles: “See, I stole from the Oscars; I got into their secret Oscar Illuminati files and found out their plans for Hollywood for the next twenty years. That's exactly it- the Oscars run Hollywood. They tell us what the best movie Hollywood produced was in a given year, who were the best actors of that year..they inform us of all these things; they have the final word on the whole operation. Wait, what were we talking about before we were rudely interrupted by the Oscars. (pause) That whole big rescue sequence in Iron Man 3 and then- BAM!- a car runs over him and you find he wasn't even in the costume. A laugh every minute in that movie. It should have had a laugh-track. It was just like finding out in Batman (1989) that Batman wasn't even in the car. Superhero movies should just remain all about the comedy. So, what were we talking about: Iron man 3. So, Ben Kingsley finally played Osama bin Laden. Appropriately enough, he played him like the Cesare Romero Joker, a masterful performance, to complement Heath Ledger's Joker. See, they missed out on addressing China. What's going on with China? What's going to be China's role in World War III because it's going to be big. (pause) Chris Evans. I feel bad for him. I can't imagine how depressing it is for him to play Captain America, the most depressing character in Marvel.”

Roger Ebert: “See, there was something Quentin Tarantino was telling me about his approach to film He said every shot was deliberate, every shot had an intent of nuance to it, every shot was meant to have a precise role in the plot and themes of the movie. He made his movies like Henry James wrote his novels, how Joseph Conrad wrote that every word in a novel mattered for motivating the narrative. Maybe Quentin Tarantino should make a movie of 'Portrait of a Lady'.”

Harry Knowles: “Wait, I'm talking to Henry James right now! I can't believe it! I mean, 'Portrait of a Lady' was the most important book you ever wrote, wasn't it?”

Henry James: “'Portrait of a Lady' may have been the most acerbic, sarcastic novel I ever wrote.”

Harry Knowles: “Uma Thurman- I mean I couldn't handle her when she played Poison Ivy again in “The Golden Bowl”. I barely survived her last performance. I guess that's why she's Poison Ivy. I mean, the peacock costume she's wearing when she raises her arms in operatic supervillainess-style for a photo, the colour scheme of the costume is all Poison Ivy- green, green, nothing but green. So, the character in the movie was nothing like the character in the novel. Wait, I'm reading the novel just now and she's nothing like the Poison Ivy Uma was playing. I mean, if Uma Thurman, if she's still alive- we haven't resolved that matter in Heaven yet- if she ever played Isabelle Archer, she'd probably also play her as a 'bitch'”.

Henry James: “That would be more consistent with the novel, in this case, yes.”

Harry Knowles: “Wait, Stanley Kauffman just said he had a heart attack at the thought of Uma Thurman playing another Henry James character. Don't worry about including this in your novel, Eric. There is no way Uma Thurman could humanly have done a thousand interviews for 'The Golden Bowl'. There's no way she took the novel that seriously. It was merely her audition for the next Batman movie.”

Sherlock Holmes: “Wait, there are some thoughts Sherlock Holmes really wants to get across, and its something he's always had a difficult time doing because Watson won't shut up.”

Gene Siskel: “I was impressed when I found out Roger Ebert read Henry James. I was just trying to think of something relating the fact that Roger Ebert wrote screenplays and read Henry James. Okay, I was just going to downgrade Roger Ebert's ability to write screenplays and mention that he read Henry James. Okay, just something.. something about trying to link his love of Henry James to his writing screenplays.. it just won't work.”

Roger Ebert: “Okay, I know I didn't write the best screenplays, but they were still better than “The death of the lion”.

Henry James: “Finally, the truth gets out about that fucking story I never wrote. 'The man who was killed by the art of conversation in the street: a story by Henry James, a man who despised talking to people and talking in general, its very principle.”

Bryan, a friend of Eric's: “Wait, Eric, I found out through Heaven-channels what 'The death of the lion' was supposed to be about. It was supposed to be about homework. The titular lion was someone who couldn't do essay assignments. And he was a brilliant writer but he couldn't do essay homework. He was meant to be just like Rhoda in Virginia Woolf's 'The waves'.”

Henry James: “I'm just trying to remember what the original story was about.. my memory is foggy.. must be selective amnesia.. I believe you're right. That was it. Calling it selective amnesia was painful. I remember, it was to be one of my most personal works.”

Roger Ebert: “Okay, Eric, the thing is, in “Age of Innocence”, Countess Olenska is a woman of passion, and Michelle Pfeiffer.. I mean, if only she could have channelled her Catwoman performance. Although it might have been too scary for her to do a second time. She was the pre-Heath Ledger Joker.”

The Illuminati war-machine appears in frantic gesticulation.

Illuminatti war-machine: “Okay, so Ares was- what the fuck! He was supposed to be a fucker. Greg Rucka made him cool. That's fucked up. Gail Simone made him noble. Wait, she really dropped the ball. She was supposed to be on our side. Okay, we see, he's untouchable. He's noble Ares- wait, what the fuck! What kind of fucking idea is that! That's the most fucked-up idea! He's supposed to be a wimp, like in Marvel. Oh, shit. Give me a fucking break! Next thing Daniel Day-Lewis is going to be playing him in a Wonder Woman movie, probably getting top billing too. Ares as a hero in a Wonder Woman movie. That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard! See, it's not gonna work. We have a hero on our side, she is strong, she is a a warrior, she is the princess of deceit, she is Wonder- what the fuck! Princess of deceit! What the fuck is this shit!”

Mike: “There was a fan, a fan of diana, who once wrote she shouldn't be a princess of deceit because she shouldn't have a secret identity. Poor Diana.”

Mike, Brittany Murphy, everyone but Erik and Roger Ebert fades away. Erik pauses, and then starts talking into his tape recorder again.

Eric: “There was something that Michael Crichton was trying to describe in “Rising Sun”, and then the Powers that Be put a horrible scene into the book of the hero policemen abusing women, as well as as later pedophilic description of the main character's baby daughter, to prevent people from finishing it or rereading it or wanting to remember it. I know there was a movie made of the book which I haven't seen, so this is a flawed theory. But Michael Crichton was trying to describe video-photoshopping, the actual impeccable falsifying of video images of people in motion in digital media. I mean, we already know the photorealism with which they were able to create horses and giant elephants with CGI in “Return of the King”. Actual people, I don't see how it's different. And video-photoshopping- it's what happened with Megan Gale. She was going to play an erotic Wonder Woman, and the powers that be photoshopped a video of her which was the absolute reverse of her whole personality. The video showed her being a sexual predator, and they made sure it was a video that only avid fans of Megan Gale would find. The predatory things she was saying, voice-synthesizing technology has been in existence since World War II- I found it out in a textbook simply named 'Listening'- and the technology has only been in a position to improve since then, to voice-synch the voice with photo-video-shopped, doctored images. The reality is the Nazis won the war and took over the media to make the prevalence of voice-synthesizing technology a silent fact. There were also articles of fake interviews with Megan Gale designed to twist the knife There's just something about Megan Gale- she loves animals. And that's the reason, that's one the main reasons- it just has to be photoshop, it just has to.

“In Amazing Heroes, Adam Troy-Castro made a characteristically equal parts cryptic and puzzling remark. Well, first, the puzzling part was when he said it was self-evident to anyone but Fellini that superheroes were not our modern myths. Superheroes being our modern myths was a statement Fellini had made about Stan Lee's Marvel comics. Then Adam Troy-Castro said that our modern myths were right in front of us, in the newspapers. The news media was our modern myths. He was making an apocalyptically important statement. It was because he made statements like that that his essays were re-edited by the Powers that Be to attribute really, transparently stupid sentiments to him like praising “Dirty Plotte” and saying that it made no sense politically to have a good and a bad woman in the same movie. Well, articles in any magazine being re-edited to undermine their author's intent is a self-evident reality.”

Roger Ebert: “See, Eric, there's something important that we're saying about Superman and Kipland Kinkel and all the other superheros...

Roger Ebert disappears.

Eric: “With Jamie Foxx, when he gave his Oscar speech saying, “when I was playing the fool, my grandmother would whup me, because she said she wanted me to be a southern gentleman”, and I was thinking, just imagine a woman giving an Oscar speech saying, “my husband would whup me, because he said he wanted me to be a southern lady”- it's all, the thing is, I don't think the abuse actually happened. I think his grandmother was a loving, non-violent person. I think something really horrific happened and Jamie Foxx was threatened or his family was threatened and he was told he had to say his grandmother abused him to make him into a gentleman and it's something really scary that is happening in America with black men and with black male children. I mean, you could just see it on Jamie Foxx's face while he was giving the speech. (pause) Maxwell Lord was a character who could have been drawn from your political news channel. He represented, in representing the United Nations, the superhero universes connection to political realities of our universe. The murder of Maxwell Lord was a waging war against the element of realism in superhero comics, or political realism in particular. Maxwell Lord was one of the few characters in the DC universe who was drawn from reality. It was like what Joss Whedon has been quoted as saying about how the DC universe characters don't compare in relatability to the Marvel universe characters, with their normal difficulties based in reality. Maxwell Lord was a Marvel comic book character in the DC universe, a character much of the same ilk has Peter Parker. The murder of Maxwell Lord was the elimination of the Marvel principle in the DC universe. The murder of Maxwell Lord was an image out of a horror movie, a horror movie like Jeepers Creepers or Hellraiser. It was an image to scare children. Wonder Woman had been transformed into a horror-movie monster who was meant to scare children, maybe meant to scare children 'into being good'. What horrifies me about comic books the way they've been for the longest time is the thought of children being told, 'If you're not good, then Batman will torture you or Wonder Woman will kill you in a horrible way. (pause) Okay, I'm under the strong impression that “The Iceman” didn't kill a single person. How can one person logistically, feasibly.. concievably.. kill a hundred people. How is that done? It would take twenty thousand lifetimes to do it. (pause) Okay, here's the thing. I don't think Winona Ryder is the person the media is making her out to be. I don't think she was ever in 'Heathers'.  Veronica Sawyer was played by a host of different very young actresses, none of them Winona Ryder.  There were all edited and voice-over, or dubbed, into purgatory.  There are articles portraying Winona Ryder as a sneering sexual predator and I know those articles, as mainstream as they are, are complete tabloid fake news.  Complete falsities. The vast majority of news interviews and articles about Winona Ryder are just about absolutely false.  There was one article, in which Winona Ryder is quoted calling a female journalist a parasite, and I think that's a fake quote. I don't think she ever said that. I mean, a parasite is one of the worst things you can call people, it borders on anti-semitism, because anti-semitism is all about finding the very worst words you can call people. Okay, Brittany Murphy wasn't actually calling Winona Ryder an asshole; she was saying something else. There's an article in which Winona Ryder is interviewed about her movie, 'The Iceman', in which she's quoted making cold comments about a serial-killers history of child-abuse, making a scientific statement about violence being 'cyclical', but that he didn't 'overcome' anything, like your childhood is something you 'overcome', like your childhood is a dragon you would slay, like you would be antagonistic toward your own childhood, which Sartre believes is infinitely the most important part of a person's life, the rest of it being a mere appendage, an epilogue. I don't believe she made any of those comments. I think all the reports in tabloids and 'legitimate' news of her being cruel to autograph-seekers are fake. I don't see how she could have changed from the person who was ushered away from a crowd of autograph-seekers saying, “Was I mean? I was trying to be nice, but I feel like I was being sooo mean..” Okay, I don't believe the recording of her saying that she was in favour of the execution of the killer of Polly Klaas, who I don't believe was the real killer. I believe he was innocent. When they said he was smiling during the trial, I think that was agitation, nervousness, fear. It was all about putting the Three-strikes law into effect. It was a political/legal orchestration of Nazi-level sophistication, all about maintaining the Holocaust chambers we call prisons. (pause) I think the technology exists where you can electronically synthesize a voice and I think that's what happened with Winona Ryder. Voice-synthesizing technology has existed since World War 2 and it can only have improved since then. When she talked about the 'brilliant, brilliant, brilliant' movie 'Dead Man Walking' at the Oscar's she meant and she probably felt that was all she had to say. She didn't praise it, as the voice recording would have it, simply because she thought it was a good movie. I think something horrific is happening in Hollywood that is relevant to the state of the planet. Angelina Jolie- I don't think she wants to encourage women to have their breasts cut off on the possibility they might develop breast cancer. I think the reason she had her mastectomy was out of identification with men who've been sexually mutilated by women, what we've been hearing so much of in the media. (pause) They put Damien in prison along with his friends for the Memphis child-murders, and not happy with that, now that they've released them, they're going after another innocent person: the stepfather. After the convictions for the Memphis murders, there was a feminist who who put up a website, which I've lost track but which was at the time clearly visible to anyone who encountered it on the internet, in which she talked about castrating male babies to stop the occurrence of rape. That's where the real investigation of the Memphis murders should have started.”

Erik stops talking, puts his tape recorder and notebook back in his briefcase, and leaves the cafe into the rainy street outside, disappearing into the world of grey.

Hanno's journal

_____________

What are thoughts? The climax that brings a thought to palpability... what is a palpable thought? What is a conscious thought? What is a thought articulated a language. My thoughts seem to be a breeze that blows through my mind faster than I can discern its existence. When I speak out an articulated idea, it doesn't feel like a concurrent thought process. Ideas I vocally express never found themselves at the stage of thought. I never feel the invigoration of thought. An actor needs to have invigorated thought.

Is there ever any conscious thought in my mind? Any robust thought? Thought that spires for the stars?

To be an actor i need to be observant.

Everything seems random to me. I don't see structures behind anything. Thought is produced from divining the mechanics behind things.

Jennifer's journal

______________

My breasts are lovely lumps of clay. I'm feeling them as I sit naked at the table, writing. They move under my hands by some independent, fluid mobility. I feel the dance within them, a perpetual dance of breasternity. The earth seizes me. My whole inward nature is drawn to the earth, to the violence of matter. The recession to the earth is . The violence of my mind seeks the earth. It is the force of gravity for all things. Violence is a seizing of matter, a grabbing of the earth within a fist, my breasts.

Do you wonder about free will? The more one contemplates one;s will, the more the texture of it seems to be composed of coordinates amassed beyond one's

What teaches the will? A free will is an informed will. Therefore, what events in life inform us?.. Can we predict all the colours that fly and ripple through the air, determining the knowledge composing the human will. To will something is to learn something. And what determines what we learn?

Maybe that's what I'm damned by, a compulsion to pursue a free will for myself. I devour myself because I want to catch my own tail; I want to attain the refined consciousness that can create human will, to educate myself toward a free will. I turn my gaze behind myself. My consciousness seeks behind itself, seeks to alter its own perpetual creation, to alter each instant that it creates itself. The will aspiring to be free seeks to alter the instant of its creation.

I paralyze myself because I seek a free will. The conscience violates the being it inhabits because self-violation is the only path to free will.

To aspire for free will is to seek to comprehend the methods of comprehension..

I'm feeling my vagina and I feel it pulsing with hope within its pitch religious blackness. I'm feeling the abyss of mass of pubic hair merge with the organic tendrils of my vagina. The black abyss of my pubic hair vagina is the blackness the black hole of my soul. The more you know where I am the less you know where I'm going. Knowledge of the present situation cancels out knowledge of the future. The present exists in conflict with the future, in conflict with all potential, all that is hypothetical. The present seeks its own realization, its own self-knowledge. It establishes its own boundaries against the future- against all it is motivated toward. Motive is the creature of the future. Motive defines the future. The future sends motive into the present, where it remains immaterial. Motive is the future's dream of the present, the future's aspiration for present reality. The present has no motive; it cancels out motive. Motive is the perpetual immaterial; the future's defiance of the present. And motive and the future is proof of consciousness, isn' it- consciousness is everything that is non-being to the present instant.

Jennifer: “It's like, as an actress, I promise to reveal myself, I promise to reveal thing it's undecorous to make show of in polite society, to make a tasteless spectacle of myself. It's an exemption from social standards of decorum you have as an actress, a to make a scientific study of yourself free of aesthetic boundaries, a promise to dismantle yourself, to dismantle your sanity before the eyes of society, to show what the species of humanity is when reduced to its crude scientific constituents, to display humanity regressing down the evolutionary scale, to deconstruct the science of personality.

“It is as if it's a strange call I'm making to myself, some distant motive in me I can't see, some motive lost at sea- the choice to be an actress. To regress on stage, to lose one's humanity before the captive public, to prove something about the species you belong to..”

Kyle: “I believe Jennifer believes she will never have children.”

Artemis.. dream.. forest.. running.. racing.. Artemis was always running, was as if determined to outrace all else.. she clung to her speed.. so nothing could touch her, nothing could attack, fix on to her.. She would be slippery to all.. elusive to all. All touch induced her elusivity.. whereas foreign touch to Apollo induced him to cling to it, bristle about it.. Foreign touch facilitated her to shrivel up, to corrode, to dissolve herself.. to dissipate into breath.. her sense of all that was foreign was a dreamy, soupy dread.. all of her muffled apprehension.. all cause and effect disarranged and tricked into strange configurations.. she was a kind of magician of the forests. She made a kallideoscope of all cause and effect. All that was loud and distinct was terrifying to her.. was a vast escalation into mass, nightmarish confusion. The distinct existence of things to her was enhanced by the intensity of their distinctness into confusion ..

The leaves lapped her cheeks as Artemis ran naked through the thick vegetation of the forest. She felt the wet autumn leaves bristling against her breasts as the leaves swished against them. Her vagina felt as wet as the autumn. Her skin tingled with the benign energy of the compassionate hunt, for the wolves were hunting her, and not she them. She never ran after animals. The wolves were wailing and she felt the hot breath of their throats calling out their mournsome song. She ran faster and faster, trying to exhaust herself, and she felt delirium overwhelm her, but still she ran faster, for it was the delirium of the blackness of the forest womb. The wailing of the wolves filled her soul, and it reminded her of all the sounds, all the terrible sounds, which were silenced to all the others to whom the world was silenced. And as the darkness of the sad monsoon howl of the wolves encompassed she suddenly identified the sound: it was the wailing of pregnant women in labour. It was the cry of the womb.

Diana was the soul of the moon, of the strangled light of the moon..light paled into a pallor of .. of a life curtained to the world.. Of a paleness which receded past all life .. which sought to evade all..

Diana's skin was of the pigment of the moon. And yet there was also a darkly red autumn tone to her skin, like the moon merging into the planet Jupiter.

Loki felt disembodiment from himself as somehow his proper condition. His condition was Diana's condition, the disembodiment of the moon from flesh, from any coordinatable substance of itself, a thing decayed into pure image, light with no body to it..

Was the moon the vision of her own unseen soul? Diana wondered . It hovered before her in apparent discombobulate apathy to her own experiences.. the apathy of her own soul to herself.. She'd never felt an instinctual connection of herself to the moon; the moon seemed something beyond anything distinct.. it was by escaping oneself, numbing one's instincts, that one became conscious of the moon.. the moon was a numb soul..

Diana felt Bodicia call to her.. call to her own pale soul..

Phaedra wondered as to the goddess Artemis- patron goddess of her metaphysical love, Hippolytus. She envisioned the goddess's heart as double-talking, as the heart of one who preached chastity as within the thick, dark buried recesses of her heart boiled predatory hungers and stirrings.. a kind of self hunger..Artemis was one whose speech of chastity was woven and engendered of the predatory fires of horrored yearning..

It had always been Phaedra's unspoken conviction that Artemis was an untrustworthy goddess; that within her alleged devotion to chastity, to which she obligated her female followers within rigid fibres of almost sexual self-constraint, there was something else. In those who spoke too incessantly and emphatically of chastity and virtue there was a connotation to Phaedra's intuition of a motive to disguise; that which was emphatically stated was done so to supplant the practice of it. All the speech of chastity was as a thick, woven curtain swirled about the goddess.. all the glamourous tapestry of chastity which Artemis flaunted.. there was something of the glamour of Artemis that Phaedra profoundly distrusted; it was an over-deliberate demonstration.. a too meticulously, too conscientiously ritualized demonstration.

What was the ritual but a demonstration, but a kind of mimic of the true reality. Artemis seemed of all the gods and goddesses the most inclined to elaborate rituals. To Phaedra, the ritual existed to disguise what was in any event a subtle, difficult to discern reality, with elaborate performances which served to articulate certainties: Artemis wove a myth of certainty. The ritual existed to assert the external certainty, to drain all substance into the external.. all the dances were the assertion of the purely physical.. it was as a method of certainty through the purely physical. The nebulous reality within all obvious shows was easily disguised, easily unaffirmed.

Artemis, goddess of the hanged.. she felt her throat choke.. turn all her solid being to stone.. felt the choking turning herself into a self clamping death.. a stone which none could wake.. all of her inward parts conforming to each other in airtight synchrony, through which no air had space to make its passage. She was the goddess of murderers.. those who had snared all the life in themselves..

The hunter, the murderer, set his or her own snare.. the snare which would catch their soul, turn their throat to rock, sever their breath from the atmosphere of heaven, of the spirit. She severed heaven from earth within a being. She severed in others and herself the spirit and the body, disenabled her body of breathing of the spirit. She was the goddess of all those who severed their own beings, severed themselves off from all of which they could breath.. She would eel her body turning to clay, choking her being...Oppression seemed to cause Artemis to hang herself, to strangle her breathing mechanism with oppression made her more rigid.. made her throat rigid.. to rigid for breath.. Oppression induced her rigour..

Apollo had strange thoughts about his twin sister. She was dreamy. She dressed in aimless, abrasive garb. In he dress, in her choice of fashion , she demonstrated herself as an outcast of the family more manifestly, more visibly and deliberately than Apollo. She made obvious her distance from the family. Of all the siblings, she made no pretences of familial comradeship. She was the black sheep.. she made a performance of being disowned by her family, asserted a conviction that her family's attitude toward herself was unfriendly, as a hostile element within the family. Did Apollo feel any loyalty for his twin semblance? Did he recognize anything he could identify to himself in her? She seemed insistently unlike him, in all visible externals and in her personality and mannerisms. Their situations and attitudes in respect to their family were perhaps obliquely analogous: she was his sister, they had been born of the same instant.

Would Apollo “use” Artemis? Were her deep, dark, untrammelled impulses his to translate into an earthly mapping and designing of the kind of events and plots her orchestrated, into his tragic contriving human theatre? His sister's deep, muffled, internal, delicate snowflake dance.. the dance of Iphegenia.. it would have it concretized, earthly correlative and effect, would have its gravity laden and bound character and design. It would be like his bringing gravity to her dreamy fancies, his translating them to gravity, to all which was duty laden. A mixture of Artemis's and Athena's will. His manner or nature of insinuation was his observing of the awkward dance of Artemis's and Athena's wills. He could observe the querulous whirling behaviour of strange mixtures. It was strange mixtures that were the special province and specialty of his eyes. His special visual faulty of discernment was for the pace and rhythm of strange dances of wills.. mixtures and dances..

Artemis would play the irrelevancy of things and affairs to the gods, would manipulate the irrelevance of things, all that was determined by the gods to be invisible.. all the invisible self-determinacy of the gods.. the invisible determinants of oneself, the determinant parts of oneself one consigns to irrelevancy, a numbing dance of irrelevancy,,

Artemis's spirit was the devouring whirr of Fenrir's devouring throat.. Fenrir's infinite impulses of devouring were the bounds of Artemis's spirit.. the eternal wolf drove her spirit.. drove the devouring course of her spirit..

Sliding frees oneself of the effects and conditions of gravity, such was Artemis's aspiration.

Artemis was the sucking into terrified, petrified confusion, Artemis's fleeing, elusive duplicity. Any statement she made in conversation eluded its proof.. As a child, her verbal discourse always curled into itself, curled into smoke, unfolded into whispy self-contortions. Any one of her comments would teeter in double-faced manner, words and phrases coming out of her mouth like spinning coins, dancing in elusive multiplicitious shapes.. She had in her childish ways a manner, a talent, for aphorisms, for elusively self-defining spoken phrases, for phrases catching their own tail. Her spoken phrases seemed to find various rearrangements for themselves, would seem to set themselves before a mirror for a backward reflection. They sought their own inversion, phrases playing with their image.. the naked queen of deceptions..All was decisively muffled to Artemis.. all subtle, precise bumps and thumps, as vaguely timbered drums: the anonymous sounds. All sounds to her wee anonymous... she contrived all to be anonymous.

Aphrodite, the maternal reach for the lost, observed her littlest sister. Artemis was a kind of wayward, more anarchic form of Aphrodite's own traits and tendencies, Artemis's traits overly playing with themselves. She had a stringent self-fascination which Aphrodite found unique in her, her own concentrated strain of herself. Aphrodite wondered if her own lost, forgotten youth was in the pattern of Artemis's present demeanour. Artemis's visibly embryonic being was a pattern for the coordinates of Aphrodite's present being, a pattern of too closely packed coordinates or dimensions. Looking at Artemis, she saw that the parts, the traits of Artemis were overmuch involved with each other...all was directed and referenced to her own self. All of Artemis's personality was a thing constantly referred to itself, in contrast with Aphrodite's escape, her decompression, her cloudy expansion from herself, how she lost herself within illusory dances, as a living theme for speculation or hypothesis. Aphrodite had always managed to hypothesize herself into a state of active engagement with general society. Artemis's self was lost to hypothesis. It questioned, dug into itself its own being in rabid curiosity. Her self-curiosity pinned herself down into the mortal earth.

The infantile nature of Artemis was like a thing recklessly putting itself into some unhinged wilderness. She sought her own immediate substance with a fervour which was antithetical to Aphrodite. Artemis sought to fix herself in place so as to define her subjectivity in her inward burrowing, to seek underneath herself, to find foundation for herself and enroot herself by all her underneath-seeking and burrowing.. the underneath of consciousness fixed herself.. put her enhancing subjectivity of self into something solidly foundationed.. foundationed her subjectivity.

Artemis was the embryo of Aphrodite, all of Aphrodite's traits in inflamed power. Her motives of being unlimited, unbounded, unstructured by irony. Artemis lacked the art of irony. It was what disenabled her from setting herself limits.. from bounding herself in tense, resilient, dynamic equilibrium. Aphrodite's personality thus fully flourished was a matter of seeing her own undisciplined self, a self not disciplined by irony. It was to Aphrodite a disconcerting reminder or question of the nature of her own origins..

The elusivity of Athena's facial movements, their elusivity from any facial expression , had its co-relation with Artemis's elusivity.. Artemis sensed a suggestion of her own nature in Athena, ofa a vaguely, indecipherable similar need to elude intent of some abstract other to fix herself to a definable point. Athena wished herself unmarked and uncompromised.

Artemis kept herself out of ear-reach of her siblings advice.

In childish manner, she sought her own substance. She had not reached the maturation of irony. It was her increasing density of her subjectivism. A reactive nature. Artemis had the condition of relentlessly escaping her transgressions, of turning them to ice.

Ishtar's journal

____________

This is a remembrance of a man I loved. I read this as my belly folds the world.

Osama bin Laden: “Do you know what makes me upset about America?”

Al-Quaeda member: “This discussion again?”

Osama bin Laden: “I'm serious. What makes me upset about America is that, if they absolutely had to include the female belly-shirt aesthetic into superhero comics, why in the name of Allah did they make it part of Supergirl's costume instead of Wonder Woman's. The point is not even that comics creators have no fashion sense, I mean, it looks horrible in Supergirl's costume. The old costume has an unaffected grace a simplicity to it, a basic integrity. It's the recognizable costume. It' s how we recognize Supergirl. The belly-shirt costume throws her whole costume aesthetic into utter disarray, it throws the whole aesthetic out of joint, into complete disproportion. It makes the whole image of Supergirl incoherent. Is that why she's a psychopath? Even I know Supergirl shouldn't be a psychopath and I'm Osama bin Laden. Because the aesthetic of her own personal iconic image, that makes her fundamentally identifiable to others, has been disrupted into a state of chaos, disrupting her inner state into a state of utter chaos. See, the Muslims understand this, how much a fashion aesthetic based on simplicity and elegance, a sense of flow, maintains the calm integrity of one's inner being, one's inner emotional and psychological equilibrium. It's not just about keeping ourselves covered, that's what the West thinks. Maybe we've been Westernized enough to have become convinced of it ourselves. It's about not calling attention to ourselves. That is the basis, the moral and even spiritual basis of our fashion aesthetic. It's an aesthetic o f not announcing ourselves to everyone wherever we go, creating a sense of flow within us, a flow that is communicated by our presence to others that communicates then to our environment. Our choice of fashion makes us flow into our environment, by not brazenly or abrasively creating a sense of fashion shock, if you will, of startling others into an atmosphere of environmental disarray, based fundamentally on, by whatever means at our disposal, making as loud an impression as possible whatever situation we're in, which is the reverse of Islam. We don't dislocate or distort into an image of disproportion the image of ourselves we show to others, simply to fixate and compell immediately all attention on ourselves as soon as we encounter a social situation, like deliberately turning our attention towards a car accident people are just compelled to watch. That is in no way the basis of a fashion aesthetic. But it's everything I see in the world and it drives me insane. Psychotic, in fact. And to get back to my original point.

Al-Quaeda member: “Yes, you've sort of strayed off topic.”

Osama bin Laden: “No, I am always on topic. That's why I'm Osama. We forever stray and wander, but we are forever on topic. We are eternal wanderers of the desert. We are always at home in the desert. We are always at its origin, at its point of origin. All areas of the desert are its place of home. It's point of origin, its place of residence. And even if the desert is a cultural wasteland, we will always know where we are because we always wander through the softer, more gentle climates of discussion and language, of dialectic. For us the desert is a gentle climate. Because it welcomes our wandering spirit with its own lonely, infinite call. The desert is the only place on earth that is not a wasteland. So. My point is, the belly-shirt would have been entirely consistent, would have had a calm, natural integrity with the fashion aesthetic of Wonder woman's costume. The belly-shirt on Supergirl is just another sop to youth culture, which has nothing to do with the reality of youth in America. It's a fantasy media woven youth culture.

“Wonder Woman would wear a belly shirt, and it is as much because out of all the superheroines Wonder Woman is the one would would be, by her personality, be personally disposed to wear a belly-shirt that it is so naturally consistent with her fashion aesthetic. The fashion aesthetic has to fit the personality, the inner nature of the person as well as the body. I've heard people mention in America how fashion is never designed to physically accomodate the body in a natural way, that it tends to encase the body rather than naturally flow from the natural, individual conditions and personal nature of the body itself. That there is an utter absence of communication between the fashion and the body. I haven't researched this so it's not an entirely informed opinion but it's simply something I have heard mentioned. But my point is, as important as this is, it misses another even more important point, that when it's acknowledged and respected naturally leads to the fulfillment of the matter of the concern just mentioned. The fashion aesthetic is an extension of the inner being of the person wearing it, of both the outwardly manifested personality and the inward, unspoken personality of the individual, both of them in eternal, mutually communicating synthesis. The fashion aesthetic of the wearer is seen as fitting the person from our sense of how it naturally manifests and delicately refines, with vivid gentleness, those unspoken voices inside the person, the unspoken personality, and enables us to hear the unspoken personality speak of the personality of the person which is outwardly manifested to us, to hear the inner, communicative voice of the individual, telling us discreet truths of what we thought or assumed of the person based on what we saw outwardly, giving a complex subtext, or a more complex, richer, more elusive an indefinable foundation to the outward personality that has so far only been visible to us, even embracing the incessant, mournful paradoxes of our souls that always speak unheard from our inner being. Unheard voices speaking unheard from the invisible,windswept desert, voices calling unheard from the desert within us, within its immersing sand winds.. The fashion aesthetic thus brings a richer, more elusive, more ambiguous subtext soil to the person's visible outward demeanour, bringing a soil of more complex depths. It synthesizes and harmonizes what before felt and seemed insensible and incoherent and horrifically unresolvable, because of this inscrutability of the person who has undergone the severance, the absolute severing between word and deed, between , of what our global culture has made of people, so that no human being even exists as a human reality. Not without some discerning soul capacity, something yet in our incapacity to see, to hear, to listen from distances, the desert distances of the human consciousness, to listen to the silent whispers of the inner human, to ignore the incessant, insanely relentless outer demeanour and have some listening in our sense, in our own inner senses, of the lost inner voices of the human being, of the individual, those voices lost in the desert, their inner soul.

“So, to get back to my point. A belly-shirt on Wonder woman would speak from her inner being, and create the fashion aesthetic that would make her vividly identifiable as herself, as Diana, and make this fashion aesthetic her fashion aesthetic, because it suits her personality, the synthesis of her outward and unspoken personality. It's her inner being that communicates the fashion aesthetic and vividly brings forth her personality and creates the integrity of the belly-shirt on Wonder Woman's costume, it spiritual integration with the visual image of her personality. Wonder Woman is a womanly woman, a woman of substance, both physical and spiritual, a woman who perpetually fill herself with substance, a woman who fills a costume, a woman of fullness of figure. The woman's substance is in her belly. The woman's belly is the garden of fertility, of the pregnant fullness of the woman, the woman's richness of soul, the pregnant love of Ishtar”

Ishtar: Good night, sweet Prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

Hanno's journal

_____________

The issue of Canadian complicity with Israel.

I need a coffee.

Canada has always been seen by the rest of the world as a lowlife country, as a non-account loser, as the black sheep of the geopolitical family, as the country that will never come to another country in aid as it lays dying- ts'not true.

We actually have a civic sense of conscience, of our duty to the social good

- no, let's start again-

Canada was founded by a drunkard who was our first Prime Minister and how we remember him fondly.. He got up on the podium and spoke in his charismatic, slurred speech of Canada was a great nation, and would be.. and will be.. someday..

Okay.

Maybe we need some help from another proud nation, a nation that considers other company's worthy of benevolent hegemony and a boost in self-esteem..

So let's discuss further

- sure

- didn't Freddy Krueger look like a Canadian to you, 'a men in his demeanour- But 'am not sure he was a he, a man i mean

- Well, he, no, he was a spectre, or ghoul- or-

- no, your sort of slow on the uptake, Canada, tra ta keep up with me. I mean, ya got a point ther in yer misguided manner. It was kinda hard to tell a lot of things about “his” demeanour- apart from the obvious, slovenly Canadian demeanour attributes

-- ya mean

- what if Freddy Krueger was a woman. Spelt with an' “ie” instead of a “y”

- Ah, hey, ya mean like that awesome kid on SNL like you don't know the gender.

- yeah hahaha jus' like 'em.

- hey that's cool. We need more female representation in the movies. Even retrospective-like.

- cause then we got the whole background backstory reinterpreting every single scene and nuance of moment in every previous movie, like that movie 'The usual..' well, guys like us. Hey that'd be great. I always liked the guy, Freddy, or Freddie, I mean.

- see, yeah Freddie Krueger's always done dies but he's.. a' mean she's always coming back all the more resilient, just like a woman. Like it's sort of a knack or hobby with Freddie.

- hey, we're sort of talkin' together now, like, yeah, she's all about the recyclin', recyclin' previous plots and events ta good tunin'

- yeah, like the Star Trek: next generation episode, a superior one, where they keep on living relivin' the same events, except here it's like there's no difference of the second or third time around from the first. It's just way longer.

- that's our Freddie.

- see, Freddie does all the work in the movie, see, she's the actual star, almost forgot the gender right, and then dies the most gruelling deaths hopefully to not come back again but not so.

- i always felt sorry for Freddie.

- 'an she comes back still dressed same as always doin' the some odd, the same ad, the same old thing- like the good guys and the one bad guy in the movie are complementary, like it's kinda hard to tell 'em apart, like they of like passion and such.

- like cop movies. Like John Woof films. Face/Off.

- exactly like. Okay.

- Freddie goes after kids, right, teenage kids.

- yeah, like the kind in institutions 'cause of- well, Freddie.

- and they're ripe for the pickin' 'cause they're all in close quarters all together.

- yeah, so they trie to take her one by one, nevertheless, losing' one by one too. See, Freddie's real good. And they just teenagers, anyway. Not the most formidable or reputable, for that matter, of opponents, 'cause, like the third movie, they're generally from the wrong side of the track.

- like their's a good side?

- an' they got nightmares and such of victims dyin' horrible deaths which an't helping them in the formidability deparment against our friend, Freddie.

- and Freddie can get them through their dreams, through the TV, through the bed, around the tree, in the school hallways, probably even through their handwriting, and the teenagers feel like they got a passion compatriot in their choice of mediums with Freddie 'cause the handwritin', TV pixel watching- retina-paradigms school hallway atmosphere-tempo, like outta Kubrick, sleeping or wakin' up in the morning to no effect metabolism medium redrum, it's all their passion are meetin' Freddie's, like that's her game “meet me in bed, I'm a beautiful woman”, like meeting Freddie's passion metabolism with their choice of teenage passion metabolism smells like teen spirit and other things of interest- it's all copacetic an' like in the end for Freddie- so, anyway twice Freddie changes into a woman, a naked woman at that- wait, Freddie was a woman, plain and clear. Why are we even havin' this conversation.

Hanno's journal

_____________

Woman Hollywood producer #1: “Okay, you pretended to be someone else. But you're a producer. You just auditioned as an actress. To be an actress. This could be important. You're hired as an actress on the production. You were impersonating Angelina Jolie, you learn from the best. I've heard Angelina Jolie goes around impersonating Angelina Jolie. She's that kind of weird. This could kill it. You could get a role in “Being Angelina Jolie”. I just got an idea: “Deconstructing Angelina Jolie”. Angry Harry. I'm rambling. So she made a few mistakes- no, that's Winona Ryder. Angelina's clean as a whistle. Maybe she wants to get dirty. From all the people in her head. She needs to flush the toilet of her mind. She needs to clear out the deadwood in her body because they're like bugs, they get itchy. Oooh, sometimes it tingles, but rarely. Great body-acting potential. See people are so fascinated by what's going on in her head that-”

Woman producer #2 “Vaginal mold!”

Woman producer #1: “What- that's gross, you're fired.”

Woman producer #3: “iiieeewwwwww. She's gross.”

Woman producer #1: “We're getting off-topic.”

Woman producer #4: “Maybe she starts cutting herself all over to get rid of all the people in her, like a serial killer.”

Woman producer #1: “You're all fired. This is not what I was heading to. This is not how sex sells.”

Woman producer #2: “But I thought it was all about deconstructing her.”

Woman producer #3: “We gave up on that idea long ago.”

Male producer: “Uh, it was only five minutes- no, one minute-”

Woman producer #1: “Doesn't matter, look-”

Woman producer #2: “I always hated that they said Angelina was a better person than Gwyneth.”

Woman producer #3: “Yeah, bitches.”

Woman producer #1: “See-

See-

I don't want this to be blaming the victim, if she's got all these intrusive people in her head. I don't have a problem her being a tragic villain. But we've gotten way ahead of ourselves.”

Woman producer #5: “Isn't Angelina Jolie kind of over”

Woman producer #3: “So was John Malcovitch.”

Woman producer #2: “No, he was a rising star.”

Woman producer #5: “So, she is a middle ground, at the nexus of her career. Maybe this movie could be a commentary on her future career.”

Woman producer #1: “You mean her prospects.”

Woman producer #5: “No, her potential, stupid.”

Woman producer #3: “You mean like that stupid old Movieline article on Winona Ryder's future talent as one of the greatest actresses of any generation. And look how that went. Nice prophecy, Movieline”

Woman producer #1: “I dunno, she's still doing productions. She might come back with a whole series of career backing complex, profound, meaningful movies in a single year.”

Woman producer #2: “I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.”

Woman producer #1: “Ooookay.”

Hanno's journal

_____________

The Rob Grimstone topic is that he was an evil sort who boondogled the masses with his oratory. He was a kind of low sort of man in the gutters and sewers of dialectic. He believed in lower-class origins. He felt there was a kind of gutter-city which could use replenishing and improvement. He would call it Robtown. You had to start somewhere and where else but the gutter. It might help his oratory.

He was a sort of politician of a man. He had echelons of ambition, some of them for nefarious ends, others for not less so. He was aware the gutter was a high place in a mountain, and so a'scaling the circles of hellmountain he go. Hmm. Looks like kind of a rundown sort of place. Well, hitchhiking will bring me somewhere. He felt a lot of this gutter vernacular of the citystreets was in his profession. See, you walk the walk of the politic dock and you find a watch to bradys. He felt a kind of podium was in order.

“Gentlemen and ladyburghs, we has a somewhat such consortium of interests for the re-population of our burgh in city-corner. We're looking for all sorts of ragamuffin' social invalids, no heads and arms need apply. Keep your vision single and your eye black and the sun will have a telescope on the horizon. Hopefully to the Stygian quarters of the galaxy but we're not there yet. This is a low-quarter burgh and any pennies on the ground you can spin to sunset. The 30's era of blokin'and smokin' is foregone to future conclusions. Let's do the forlorn march. Walking is forbanned in everwhere but we must needs improve the sidewalks. Cracks in the sidewalks will helps the march. Much to navigate. Hmm. This could take a while. Much tar ahead. At least we'll make it 'till Tuesday. Too tough for bicycles too navigate but ne'er do well-wishers can throw their lots into the puddle. De' church round 'de corner can brook no proctor or parson but we'll see what stays from the next corner....”

Hanno's journal

_____________

Is this a relevant city? The sense of language as a form of thought rigourmortis allows for words to be dead and senseless and thereby tentative and hypothetical and dualistically hypothetical in essence, - but they lose the character of the human, of the accuracy of the human character. Normon Bates was not a psycho. The she-thief may have had bipolar impulse-control problems like Harvey Two-Face.

The theme predominates in writing of the character of senseless words, as the theme, - should this comma be here- I presume, because the words are tentative and dull to my senses, which predominates the performance of an actor rather than the ostensible character. Is this reality the origin of Anthony Hopkin's Hannibal Lector, a dullard.

A word can have degrees of margins of senseless margins of a word here. A word can have a margin of semantic. The margines of semantic are what issues on/an echelons socio-economic echelons is a choice of phrase of/in – of/n here is of future relevance in other parallel reality- a word – a word has a lineague here. A word once meant something else and simultaneously means it here – like .. hm.

A word has the simultaniety of history here,

- a uniform reading of history

, a lateral nature of history

, a laterility of history

, a lateral semantic of history

, the algebraic rows and columns of

a word by its etymological

history

historical linguistics

so you don't know what a words means but

- somethings out of character...

a one-dimensional encroachment is

arriving which doesn't allow

you to revize your work

by providing it

with a larger frame

to say this animal is me

I am this mannerisms

Rorsarch is the child-killer

he is the Rorsarch blot

the Rorsarch blot

is the rigourmortis

language,

the dead husk

of language

of soul thought

which rigourizes

into a

flatscreen

of urban, instantaneous

geography

a collation of

hieroglyphs

as a

single hieroglyph

the catacombs

of language

the Pharoah's tomb

of languages

the Rorsarch blot

which means nothing

else but anything

else than a

Rorsarch blot

can be

white on black

black on white

This place makes it difficult to make connections to an obvious coordinate of reference. The “obvious” word. The obvious knowledge of frame work, of framing reference which provides your commonsensical consciousness. Where does the obvious go when – no cross-referencing no grounds more relative than this no cross-referencing rorsarch blot of inside-outside upstairs, downstairs escher rorsarch escher relative cross-referencing escher cross-referencing .. you can't read here, so you feel your writing must be exclusively self-derived.. your writing lacks coordinates thereby into bestial oblivion of paragraph phrase, no coordinates for your writing outside itself means ' kablooyie'.

.. your writing is so self-systemized, so statically autopoietic, so twittering with lights and bells and whistles to give it derivitive colour and whatever limited vocabulary of props or similes your can light it with for.. .. pageantry

Hanno's journal

_____________

Naked Gwyneth Paltrow played naked Isabella from “Measure for Measure” in “Great Expectations”

her silence/muteness after walking in and getting naked is a total non-sequeter

Isabella walks naked into Antony's chamber to ask for clemency

She has probably been active in some respects which are not legally mandated by law, or which are legally mandated not to act by law.

She is very much a naked nun but she wishes they were stricter.

She asks Antony to lay a helping hand, measure for measure.

Her body feels like death warmed over and she needs it to regain its natural cold temperature again so she won't have to adapt to environments and laws.

Isabella's nude body doesn't feel cold enough. It needs stricter sentences and more rigourous exegesis and more of her body in text by analysis and ipsofacts and adcontras.

“Maybe you should take out an ad”, Antony says.

Isabella thinks the advertising of the Gutenberg press is not in her ilk, Jarley Jilke.

“What- hot in your ilk of not in your ilk”, Antony says.

“Maybe you can find that out for me. My body needs clemency from the press”

- next page -

“Antony, the press has been unkind to me.” .. boo hoo hoo

“They've been so meeaannn.”

Antony says, “The press has been known for industrially ruthless practices. Perhaps your naked body is too organic for their industrial-presses.”

“I would hope so”, says naked Isabella, “I can't acclimatize my body that much. It's too naked for their print, too virtuous for my sins, my sins too ink for their press. I want my naked body to be a cold virtue, but they want to sap the warm blood of my sins into their presse from their private abode in my cold virtue. My naked body is a porcelain vase, it cracks at the mention, it needs you to settle it in place. By your law to the letter.”

Antony: “I think my letter is not good for the law if the law is good for the litter of the press. Let's get started. You've got a body of learning. Maybe we can make do.”

Naked Isabella: “My naked body is much into the practicing zones of its own remorse. It hearts itself into its own ennervecessance of body of my own naked selfbodycolours of sin meeting soul of sin meeting body.

Hanno's journal

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Another book which should be made into a movie is “The Demjanjuk Affair: the Rise and Fall of a Show-Trial”, by Yoram Sheftel. It's about someone on trial in Israel, falsely, for being a Nazi War criminal. Although, reading the book, I get the impression Mark O' Conner, who's described negatively in the book, who was Demjanjuk's original defence counsel was a good guy, a hard worker, who was moving hell and high water to make sure Demjanjuk got released. The author, Yoram Sheftel, his second legal defense counsel, doesn't actually come off that great in the book. He comes off as cynical, pessimistic, someone ready to simply give up on the case and on Demjanjuk. Some of the women, or one woman, who was involved I think, I forget, in something like decrypting documents, I'm not sure, is also portrayed unfairly. I think there was a lot of re-editing and expurgitation with the book, so it's all about anylizing the text.

The book would involve flashbacks to World War II fighting in the Ukraine. I think it would make sense to involve the Captain America movies with it, in terms of World War II flashbacks.

I actually envision Ned Beatty as Demjanjuk. Will Patton should have a role. Probably Tommy Lee Jones as well. And Kevin Costner.

I imagine Steven Spielberg directing the World War II Ukraine scene. Maybe he'd be ideal for directing the movie.

It is definitely important that the integrity of “The Demjanjuk Affair” is maintained, if necessary, by secrecy.

The underground sewers of New York were very much crocodile-inhabited, despite naysayers. The 4^th man of apocalypse was a regular guest, much invited. Spider-man's nemesis, the Gizzard, was doing his usual lab-experiments in his secret cubicle, much stuffy, It was like a whole underground city out of David Ickes's mythology.

Lizard-people were very much divided as to their loyalties, They were lizards, so they were loyal to that much. Beyond themselves, being so relf-regulating in their cold-bloodedness, they were prone to misunderstandings of their environment, much confused for apathy. Folk have said, Canadian reptiles are cold, unfeeling, insular, unconcerned of self for others -

-

- 'ts not true

We are a very much misunderstord race. We live in the underground, we get arrested for walking the streets, because it's assumed for public protest. We have only 13 homeless activists, tops, after the milleneum, 14 before. The rest were just hanger-ons who knew a good party.

They think we look good in institutions, in public space not so much. We pollute the streets by our presence on them. Respectables people think we look like roadkill, we should groom,

We filled the content of a mere single one of David Ickes' otherwise brilliant essays.

We feel like we have changed with time. Not so much. We may not be recognizable to our American brethren because they saw us before we evolved. It's easy to miss us, we don't take much space on the map, and geography is 3-d in reality anyway so you don't know whether to look for us on the ghigh ground or the low ground. Our self-esteem is tenuous enough as it is because we loss every battle for our national identity.

We don't have a capital or either it's a misnomer . We don't really think too much now of a national identity, we look for meaning in philosophy, if we'd gone to fight with our compadres in Iraq we could have opened up relations, communications, we'd both know where each of us were on the map,- it could have bridge boundaries, but we are a rather insular race, as reptiles are, we keep to our island. We keep to our rock in space. We feel for nothing and nothing feels for we.

Scarborough fair,

parsely, sage

mary – an thyme

tomorrow is thair

true love is solipsistic

harpsdiscord

Starry hotel - check out the abandoned hotels in Scarborough

Hanno's journal

_____________

The Riddler is Batman's double, like in the Dostoevsky book, “The double”, which I confess to not having read.

Hanno's journal

_____________

Daniel:”I wish a surcease of these all-too-human more-truths from a swindler of the soul such as me. I have little heart to spare as my future empathic acting career awaits. Yes, quite. I am CRACKING GOOD – you have found the – well, yes, it is something – yes, quite. Is that all you can say no, Daniel Day-Lewis – yes, quite. I've said it twice and Im fore the acting-through-silences styl- no, method, METHOD, of acting. So, yes, quite. I lay to all over-evoquating dial- wait, what student of Shakespeare and Hano can give himelf a salve to his conscience for this empathic-silence drubbery courtesy, of Daniel “yes, quite” day-Lewis. I have a kind of sense of the scale of what we are fighting now- an imperiex probe- no a really big, big planet, that looks like an imperiex probe yes, quite, but Daniel must go on with his acting career. Daniel feels Hanno, Winona is having images of herself as a child- and we have found her. She is crying, we have found her.

HANNO, YOU HAVE FOUND ME.

I'll be back here.

Hanno's journal

_____________

In X-men 1, Hydro-man thought he was going to die, and he calmly, wryly said they would have one less mutant-perscecuter to worry about, but he just became water and disappeared to reintegrate and reappear in a future Spider-man movie.

Michael: “Okay, this is how you read the book “Rising Sun”. You observe each gesture, each sentance. Each word is meaningful. It's a Japanese custom. This is the book which got Michael Chrichton killed. It's not at all the book he wanted to write. It's why each word counts, figuring out which words are his and which words were put in by the enemy he was engaging.”

Hanno's journal

_____________

With fake versions of Batman torturing teenagers and fake versions of Wonder Woman mugging teenagers in alleys, Maxwell Lord establishes the Omac project to empower the common man, woman and child against superheros run amock, Maxwell Lord's own version of Batman's protocals against superheros.

The real Joker is Keats. The Joker is none other than Keats himself. He is a young poet of miscommunication.

The origins of Supergirl, not sure if pre-crisis or post-crisis, but anyway, the origin of Supergirl is the movie “Mommie Dearest”.

Hi guys, it's Hanno. I just wanted to say, I don't think the frail-looking Margaret Sanger in the photograph is the real Margaret Sanger, or at least she isn't the Margaret Sanger who talked about not wanting to disclose the fact that there was an intention to bring an end to the existance of the black population. There was an article on feminism roots in the female klu klux clan on the “Fathers for life” website, an article which is no longer available. “Fathers for life” has a lot of homophobia on it, along with feminist articles which are difficult to avoid and confusing to read. The similarity of the word “feminine” and “feminist” is deliberate, I think, to make it difficult to linguistically criticize what really is an evil agenda. “Wendy McElroy” saying she owed a huge debt to feminism is like saying you owe a huge debt to the mafia. I don't think Wendy McElroy actually wrote it. She's in heaven, in the parallel reality. She actually died. There is more than one Wendy McElroy, and it looks like the kind-looking present-day Wendy McElroy, I mean, she definitely looks like a good person. On her website, I still don't like the invasive language used in articles ascribed to her which even fervently defend male victims of violence.

Also, I don't think Mary Piercy, who was one of the suspects for being “Jill the Ripper”, there is a photograph of a woman one of the websites about her which show a woman with english buck teeth, kind of an image of a generic, stereotypical demented killer, and I think the woman in the photograph is innocent.

Also, Billy Dee Williams is a real hero for how he was able to turn around the role of Lando Calrissian. I can't help but suspect some improvisation on his part was involved when he decides to rescue Han Solo. And he also really promoted Star Wars own. I understand George Lucas had a hellish time making “The Empire Strikes Back” because of how the first black man in the series was going to be treated, and he made sure merchandising for the movie showed images of Lando rescuing Luke, so everyone would know Lando was a hero before seeing the movie.

Hanno's journal

_____________

“Finnegans Wake” movie casting

Patrick Stewark and Ian McDiarmid as H. C. Earwicker

Savannah Samson and Emily Watson as Anna Livia

Daniel Day Lewis and Johnny Depp as Shem

Brandon Routh and Ben Affleck as Shaun

Jim Carrey as Jaunty Jaun. The Joker is Jaun, he told me. I can “direct”. Jim Carrey to play jaun like the Cesare Romero Joker. There's a paragraph in the Jaun section which Joyce never wrote. Other sentances in Finn Wake Joyce also never wrote.

Michael Rosenbaum as Yawn

Winona Ryder as Izzy

Megan Gale as Iseult.. queetlecree in joysis crisis .. she does the Tigger theme, bouncing around the screen, replacing the word “Tigger” with “Iseult”. During her “Iseult”, she can be dressed in a Disney Tiker-bell style costume, with sequined, silver ribbons forming the lower part of her dress

Johnny Depp or Chad Michael Murray as Tristan

Gary Oldman, Derek Jacobi, Ian Mckellan, Michael Caine.. as the Four Masters. Maybe Gary Oldman will play the ragamuffin of the four.

Alan Rickman as the Mookse

Kenneth Branagh as the Gripes

Kendra Wilkinson or Kate Moss as Nuvoletta, who's counterpart is Jennifer Eve

Kate Winslet as Glugg.  Glugg was originally intended by Joyce as a female character, as I believe was Chuff.  Glugg was based on James Joyce's daughter, Lucia Joyce.
 

Matt Damon as the male Glugg

Robert deNiro as Glubb Pasha, a T. E. Lawrence type who is extremely important in the parallel reality Heaven. He works on saving children. Robert deNiro of the parallel reality set up the safehouses for children where they play 8-bit nintendo games like Super Mario Bros. And enact scenes from Shakespeare.

Julia Roberts as Chuff
 

Christian Bale as the male Chuff

Amanda Plummer as Kate. Jennifer is Kate.

Michael Sabatino as Saunderson

Not sure who as Mrs. Saunderson

Robin Williams as the Norwegian sailor

Tom Cruise as Kersse

James Marsden as Michael Magrath

Liam Neeson of the choppy delivery and diction is Finn MacCool

Harley Quinn is the prankqueen, who SHOULD'VE been played by Brittany Murphy. Claire Danes will play her, the prankqueen, I mean.

Mikey Jerome is Jerry Godolphin

Ewen Bremer is Saint Kevin

Ethan Hawkes is either Butt or Taffe, whichever he chooses

Ewan Magregor is either Treacle Tom, Frisky Shorty or Hosty, or all three, if he wishes. He's that much of a chameleon. He played Ben Kenobi, a man much older than he was.

Kate Moss as little sousou of the Justice League

Keanu Reeves, who gave a vastly, tragically underrated performance in “Bram Stoker's Dracula”, playing the consummate image of Victorian death-suicide-dealing Victorian self-constraint, even in the face of horror, Keanu Reeves can play either Butt or Taffe, whichever he chooses

Harrison Ford can narrate the parenthesized sections of the Butt and Taffe epic futuristic street urchins dialogue, Harrison Ford playing the Jesuneral of the Russuates, or something similar...

George Lucas of the parallel reality came up with the idea Butt and Taffe were futuristic street urchins

Hi guys, i just wanted to say, James Joyce told me two things about the Shem the penman chapter, James Joyce's autobiographical self-portrait, of finnegans wake. One sentance is actually meant to read “two fifths of two buttons” and the sentance “uprip and jack him” is actually meant to refer to unpopping the cork of a bottle.

And Shem himself is indeed the narrater of the chapter, doing a Dostoevsky.

Hanno's journal

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So, the reason I came here. The dialectic, a mage when he comes here feels he's innocent, naive, in other words, good. This troubles him. Because something doesn't quite fit. You have to be bad to be effective, especially when being bad is the only defense-mechanism you've ha because it's the only form of evolution you've lived and the paradigm of adaptation, you've taken into yourself aka introspection. You have to have a bad double in your conscience to defend yourself against... a presumption of- what? - an absence of moral self-reliance? - mind goes muffled, like a mind-mouth-gag- to be good.. is to be denied much.. to be denied adaptation.. or all memory of adaptation.. which is all memory of introspection.. all memory of the imaginary which was your faculties of adaptation.. all memory of the imaginary self of strength which had created all imaginary adaptation.. strength is the imaginary.. strength is a will and confidence aka adaptations by imaginary sensibilities..

Jennifer Eve's journal

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In several ways, I have an inferior mind, and that inferiority is my special genius, because it is an inferiority that sees subsoils of human consciousness, and inferiority that clings to the soil of the human soul, that digs its fingers into the earth, that finds its affinity with searching and exploring worms and beetles. My minds loves the earth, loves all all its crags and jags; it seeks from all its special genius from the earth's irregular surface, from its rocky wild landscapes. My minds seeks the genius of rocky wastelands, of wild vacant landscapes, of the wild emptiness that wails my sorrows.

The fact is, I am believing more and more that I am the living reincarnation of Napoleon. Either him or Fatimah. Still probably Napoleon. He had that whole Groucho Marx approach to the world that I see so much of in myself. But Fatimah, Fatimah, I feel she is somewhere inside me too. Maybe I am a hybrid. God, I can't make up my mind about anything.

Yes, Napoleon, I am here to finish his work. I am here to bring a new Renaissance to the world.

Napoleonic mobs. Mobs of the French Revolution. I love mob. Mob is me. Me is mob.

Me. Naked Eve. Naked Jennifer Eve. Where will I find my independence, my independent conscience. And yet the words, “independent” and “conscience” seem to have such different textures. “Independent” is what- architecture, a tower of Babel? And “conscience” is what- a marsh, swarmy, a hive, a swamp? A swamp of my conscience into which I would sink like into vegetative slime, green algae of soul, nourished and cultured by such slime molds and green algae of conscience? Sinking into gently, swarmy depths of conscience-swamp I will grow a green bacterial culture of progress in my soul, my peculiar Garden of Eden, nourishing bacteria, a vegetative manifold of bacteria which will be a manifold garden of bacteria in my heartbeing, bacterial emotion, bacterial emotion of bacterial nourishment, bacterial culture of refinement of soul, and each metamorphisizing bacteria will be a metamorphisizing Jennifer Eve.

German word-clusters, bacterial clusters, intermingling as a City of naked Jennifer Eves, an organic city of Jennifer Eves, a Paris of Jennifer Eves, of French culture, French cheese, of nourishing lactose-bacteria for cheese culture, of a manifold of cheeses which would would be my refinement of taste, of pleasant textures of cheese which I would nibble or choose, like choosy nibbling, with delicate taste, each texture a different texture of my sou, of my milksoul found substance, a substance for textures and tastes of my soul, to taste delicately a different texture of my soul, a different, giving texture, a different variation of soulsubstance each time, varieties of substance, of themes of substance, themes of soul. Dark, I don't want to be dark, seriousdark, dark, deep, compact soil dark, Ishtar dark.

Jennifer Eve's journal

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Sounds abstracted from words. Sound which are the unique sounds of a language but which don't form words. I actually fear words. Whole words. English. I fear English. English is too didactic. Too much of a severing force. Each word of English severs something, severs itself or myself from humanity. I just want the sounds, I need only the sounds, the sounds abstracted from words which will thus reveal the soul of the language, which will enable the soul of the language to blossom, for language to become a garden of Eden. Sounds of the womb. I will hear the sounds of various languages as if I were hearing them in a womb. Muffled sounds. Cloudy sounds. Soft sounds. The softness of the womb. Sounds which are the softness of the womb.

Together. The sounds will bring togetherness. For sounds severed into words separate, create the void between themselves. Sounds cannot breath in a void. Sounds of reconciliation. Sounds abstracted from words will bring reconciliation. Sounds like perfumes intermingling. My criminal passion for reconciliation, my passion for the warring struggle of opposites, of the discordancies of meeting opposites, the discordancies of sounds abstracted from words. The dislocations which will bring peach , bring reconciliation, Christ's soul dividing and warring against itself, thus bringing reconciliation.

Singing is a bird. Singing is birdflight. Singing is the flight of an angel, the flight of airless sounds. Sounds abstracted from words as intermingling perfumes. Perfumes of sound, abstracted from semantic solidity into fluidity of perfume sound, manifold sound of perfume, of subtle unvoicable intangible textures of perfume, intangible texture of languages from manifold languages, a crossroads of language as softly intertwining perfumes like softly intertwining perfumes like softly intertwining vegetation, perfumes like flowers, perfumes like manifold blooms of colours, blooms of colours intermingling their colour textures, their colour rivers, Anna Livia, textures of rivers, the manifold airiness and compactness of textures of a river, a streaming archipelago of rivers of perfume, a crossroads of languages meeting and communicating with each other as sound liberated from words, from semantic singular dictatorship which separates from the will into the objective politic, the objective state, words become abstracted into delicate degrees and understandings of wills not externally dictated, words abstracted into communicating wills which hear the sounds in words, which listen to them, sounds which come to them when one can hear them, liberated from the political, from the violent action of the political upon a word. One can only understand by degrees. Only degrees communicate. An eternally communicating wilderness of perfumes.