Poison
ivy pamela Isley (Winona Ryder) is sitting lonely on pillows in her
bed .. lonely, stale pillows.. she is looking at the wall.. which is
like a mist before her.. like a mist of white sand... textures of air
and wall join together..
She
goes out into the street. The dark pavement. The tenement metal
staircases. She takes a long walk into an alley.. Two men are there..
one, a black man, in a brown trenchcoat.. the other in a Bat costume
Harvey
Dent 1 (Billy Dee Williams): The night is missing the moon.
Batman
(Michael Keaton): Does it leave an empty space?
Harvey
Dent 1 (Billy Dee Williams): The empty space is crime.
Batman
(Michael Keaton): Crime is where I come in.
Harvey
Dent (Billy Dee Williams): It is a bit of a fetish with you, isn't
it.
Batman
(Michael Keaton): I wear a hood. To remind people of my nature.
Harvey
Dent (Billy Dee Williams): I spend a lot of time on the street. The
word is .. he's coming back..
Batman
(Michael Keaton): - pause – He is..
Harvey
Dent (Billy Dee Williams): In one shape or form. Maybe as many
different people. He is a prism. And the others will be rainbow
colours irradiating from the prism.
Batman
(Michael Keaton): - they will ask if I started this
Harvey
Dent (Billy Dee Williams): I'll be the watch on the questions.
Batman
(Michael Keaton): Who's coming next, then.
Harvey
Dent (Billy Dee Williams): Perhaps... a shadow of the first.. we are
the ghost men.. we are the hollow men.. we are the men of straw.
Ext.
A mansion. Multitudes of rich cars are outside, indicating a busy
multitude of people inside. There is a press conferance taking place
inside.
A
man (Alan Rickman), like Ichabod Crane, from the back, wearing a
tall, straw-looking hat appears, and a long, weathered trenchcoat. He
whistles as he walks towad the mansion.
Int.
Inside the mansion. Reporters are busily asking questions from
Commisioner Gordon, Harvey Dent and Bruce Wayne.
Reporter
1 – So, the city is still in a state of panic after the Joker
havoc. How do you account for the ineptitude of the city officials in
halting his mad rampage.
Harvey
Dent (Billy Dee Williams): I make no excuse. Ineptitude is a
legitimate understatement. All I can say is, multi-echeloned
contingency plans are in progress in case of a repeat occurence.
Reporter
2 – A REPEAT occurence.
Harvey
Dent (Billy Dee Williams): We have to prepare for the worst, assume
the city is in a constant state of seige.
Reporter
1 – By what agencies.
Harvey
Dent (Billy Dee Williams): By the Furies which have been unleashed.
There was something like the fury of the Gods in the Joker's reign of
terror.
Reporter
1 – So you're thinking of copycat occurences.
Harvey
Dent (Billy Dee Williams): I don't think copycat is the word. The
Joker considered himself an artist, and Gotham his painting. I think
he planted seeds, unknown seeds in Gotham, which will be revealed
five, ten, maybe thirty years in time.
Reporter
2 – What about Batman's culpability.
Bruce
Wayne (Michael Keaton) – concerned -: Culpability?
Reporter
2: Batman arrived before the Joker. Wasn't he the first domino?
Bruce
Wayne (Michael Keaton): Batman narrowly pre-empted the Joker. How
many people would be.. gone.. if Batman hadn't stopped him.
Reporter
2 – But where did the Joker suddenly appear from – like a Jack in
the Box.
Bruce
Wayne (Michael Keaton)– deeply troubled - : If Batman was the
beginning, then we are in a lot of trouble.
Ext.
Of the main room. Underneath the outside doorways, gas, many-coloured
gas is seeping in. Serpentine swirlings of coloured gas. Shots of
various minutea of entranceways from the ground, from the ceilings,
from walls, with an octupus of seeping gass coming, like
finger-tendrils, like a spider's web into the mansion... it happens
slowly, at an aching pace, to ominous, crawling music...
Int.
The main room. There is no coloured gas. But the air, the transparent
air, seems to have thickened somehow, become soupy... People start
fidgeting, talking quicker, rapidly, as if trying to outrace their
thoughts.. the hall conversation slowly reaches a crescendo of rapid
discussion, of words like positrons and leptons and quarks colliding
against each other.. Then a woman cries out..
Woman:
AUHHGH. .. Oh, GOD Stop IT SOTOP IT ..
People
yell out in terror... Various colours, indistinct, ameoba like dream
shapes coalesce above the crowd... Bruce Wayne, whose mind is already
supped full with horrors... departs.. he goes into the hallway.. he
finds a compartment in the wall. He opens it with a magnetic key. The
Batman costume unlocks itself.
A
moment later, Batman (Michael Keaton) is swinging above the hall..
Pamela Isley (Winona Ryder):
.."... the nightingale of my soul is a dancing wedding of my
soul made twain and a simple nonsense fluff soul I
have.."
Bruce Wayne (Val Kilmar): ..".. you always
speak so much.. Pamela.. like you have read every Wallace Stevens
poem ever written.. in a brilliant anthology of his poems.."
Harvey
Dent (Tommy Lee Jones): ..".. like you memorized them..
quaintly.."
Bruce Wayne (Val Kilmar): .."..
memorized..?... ait.. wait. Harvey.. memorizing poetry is HARd... I
never got the knack of it.."
Harvey Dent (Tommy Lee
Jones): ..".. yeah.. sorry Bruce.. Pamela.. Isley.. Ivy law..
Ivy law.. sorry about saying Ivy Law. I mean.. it's actually Poison
ivy law that I'm taking at Oxford.. wait.. heheh.. not even sure if
they teach law at Oxford.. it's the official literary intelligentsia
university of the world.. Oxford is.. it's where people go to study
literature intensively.. with apocalyptic fever of soul and passion..
as if you would make of the scholarly study of literature a benign
pathology.. that's Oxford.. so I may have added a course to the
Oxford curriculum.. hey I might be a teacher their.. Ivy League Law..
sorry.. Ivy Law.. just.. heorh.. just Ivy Law.. and it's like ..
wait.. sorry.. did you want to say something .. Pamela.."
Pamela
Isley (Winona Ryder): ..".. I.. wait.. like I eat the air a nice
piece of fluff promise-crammed.."
Harvey Dent (Tommy Lee
Jones): ".. yeah.. promises are the law.. and promises are the
quintessence of - wait.. sorry .. Pamela .. what?.. what was that you
said.. Horatio..?.. Pamela.. or I do forget myself.. I'll change that
name Harvey to Two-Face with you Pamela or I do forget myself.. what
brings you away from business Bruce.. ahh.. a truant disposition..
ahh.. I would not hear the Riddler say so nor shall you make my ear
the beneficiary the truster of your own report against yourself..
Bruce.. I know you are no truant from business.."
Bruce
Wayne (Val Kilmar): ..".. but.. sorry.. for saying but.. was
that polite.. ?.. I .. but .. sorry.. I set up truant subsidiary
departments at Thomas Wayne corp.. and these subsidiary departments
merge with .. "
Pamela isley (Winona Ryder): .."..
Starlabs.."
Bruce Wayne (Val Kilmar): .."..
Pamela.. congratulations.. how did you know.. my corporate
sub-departments do .. wiat.. sub.. sub. .sub means inferior.. their..
delegated.. wiat... no.. their like compartments.. ahh.. like
departments of State Cabinet.. which do mergers with Starlabs.. just
think of Starlabs as the United Nations Security Council of .. of..
of.. of.. Gotham City.. that doesn't sound too encouraging.."
Harvey
Dent (Tommy Lee Jones): ...".. I hear Ms. Gunther is nominal
head of Starlabs.. and her daughter.. they're the official
mother-daughter team who head Starlabs.. in Gotham anyway.. Starlabs
is international.. The Gunthers actually.. the daughter.. she mayyy..
she may be adopted.. but considers her mother biological .. her
organic mother.. a heady food vegetarian diet motivates them
both.. they eat Chinese food.. but something happened.. I went to
Manchu Wok.. and they had lo mein.. chow mein.. love... love love
their lo mein. the noodles are like eating bubble-gum textured
softest rubber brown rice seasoned noodles.. lo mein noodles are
literally the taste of the colour brown.. but Chow mein.. everyone
eats chow mein.. like hot salad not either sweet or sour.. the egg
roles you can eat with sweet and sour sauce.. but the poor, poor
Gunthers.. not a single one of the Chinese foods I mentioned I
THINK.. is available to them.. all the Chinese food the Gunthers have
available to them is rice.. and that becomes like eating confetti..
if it's the ONLY Chinese food you eat.."
Pamela Isley
(Winona Ryder): ..".. but.. but the poison ivy network is
supposed to stop that.."
Harvey Dent (Tommy Lee
Jones):..".. I worry about the Gunthers.. Starlabs.. SHOULD ..
get into herbal foods.. herbal goods.. herbal foods... at least
herbal seasoning spices.. that would be all you'd need to make
Chinese brown rice tasty.. wait.. brown rice.. you know... sorry.. is
still brown rice. "
Pamela Isley: ..".. the
nightinting nightingale of my soul is the dawn of no peak in my belly
an archipelago abdomen I have... I... I have to talk to Batman.. to
get him to sign a legal contract.. imen.. it's an autograph.. I want
Batman to sign me an autograph.."
Harvey Dent: .."..
Pamela.. i'll introduce you to Batman.. it's just.. he's left
messages for me and hasn't returned my calls.. I'm very unreliable
with appointments and he knows that.. so he doesn't return my calls
.. wait.. that's kind of a silly premise.. Pamela.. Batman's a busy
man.. he responds to emergency situations.. he CAN'T meet an
appointment with me if I'm not SURE to show up... "
Pamela
Isley: .."... But Batman.. I don't want to steal his time for an
autograph.."
Harvey Dent: .."... but Pamela.. you'll
get Batman's signature.. and he may sign it with his secret
identity.. as a personal coded message to you.. Pamela.. I'm sure he
will.. I'm sure he will.. it's a legal contract with you .. his
autograph.. and you're WORTH a legal contract with the Batman..
Pamela.."
Pamela Isley: ..".. sorry.. sorry..
Harvey.. is it "Batman" or.. "The Batman"..
Harvey
Dent: ..".. I think he's Batman on his way to becoming The
Batman.. But I think in the 1930's their actually was a "The
Batman" who later became just.. Batman.. he was the Batman of
the early part of the twentieth century.. known as the Golden Age of
Chicago.. all other Batmen have belonged to the later half of the
twentieth century, the Silver Ages of New York and the Bronze Ages of
California.. "
Pamela Isley: ...".. but
Harvey.. it must be so exciting to think you're going to meet
Batman.. SOMEday..."
Harvey Dent: ..'.. if it
was just ME.. that day would probably.. heh... never arrive.. but if
it's so Batman can meet YOU... that day will come definitely
someday.."
Pamela Isley: ..".. and we can finish our
contract..."
Harvey Dent: ..".. you know.. Pamela..
we've known each other for six months.. no.. sorry.. eight
months now... eight months.. and we hit if off splendidly.. we became
fast friends.. and it's like we do Breakfast at Champions.. wait.. I
fergid what that means.. "
Bruce Wayne: .. - shows up -
..".. Harvey .. wait.. hi.. have we met.. Pam.. Pam
Ivy.."
Pamela Isley freezes..
Bruce Wayne: ..
sorry.. i'm a jerk.. I got ivy in the mayfair ..
Pamela
Isley's eyes well up with tears..
Harvey Dent: ..".. Her
handle's .. Pamela Isley's handle is Poison ivy .. Bruce... I'm
promoting the Poison ivy Vegetarian agenda among my legal
colleagues.. guess what.. Bruce.. their is such a thing as Vegetarian
Shish-ka-bob.."
Bruce Wayne: ..Oh..
Pamela Isley:
..". and.. and.. and.. vegetarian ground beef is DIGESTIBLE..
actual ACTUAL meat is so so heavy in the stomach like wet cement in
the stomach real actual meat ground beef is.. vegetarian soy product
ground beef.. a hundred percent fake meat.. I mean vegetarian soy
product vegetarian ground beef is so light, so innocuous... that it
energizes you with life.. and doesn't weigh you down at all.. I eat
Chick n' Veggie Burgers.. with are spicy and don't taste like Chicken
at ALL.. the pure vegan Veggie Burgers taste too much like they are
actually made of sprouts and asparagus.."
Harvey Dent:
..".. call me crazy but I want to try the pure vegan veggie
burger.."
Bruce Wayne: ..".. Pamela.. Pam.. I didn't
have to write any of that down .. the way you said it.. it all sticks
in my memory.. you explained it so deftly and clearly..
congratulations Pam Ivy.. ahh.. damn.."
Pamela Isley's
eyes well up with tears again and she starts making a soft, loud
wailing sound..
Harvey Dent: ..".. the Poison ivy
vegetarian diet is what Pamela Isley so adroitly and elegantly and
concisely just related to you Bruce.. and it's just the first step
into getting a real, solid foothold into turning Gotham city 100%
vegetarian.. no one can eat meat anymore anyway without feeling sick
and heavy afterward.. except pork.. PAMELA.. sorry.. sorry.. pork is
fake meat.. mystery meat... I'm convinced of it.. sorry.."
Pamela
Isley: ..".. wait.. Harvey I do eat that but I really, really
eat it hoping it IS mystery meat.."
Bruce Wayne:.."..
hey.. i'll investigate.. I want to get into the business of producing
mystery meat and getting infiltrating as much of healthy mystery meat
into the meat industry as possible.. "
Pamela Isley:
..".. HAY.. Harvey.. after we've gotten the Poison ivy network
underway.. how about making me the poster-girl for the Jill the
Ripper network.."
Harvey Dent: ..".. How's Batman
doing with that investigation anyway.."
Bruce Wayne:
..".. Batman is working on the German serial killer case.. "The
Woman without a Face" .. right now.. the woman who is only known
by her DNA.. no other trace but that..."
Harvey Dent:
..".. yeah... DNA.. yeah.. i'm sure ol' Jill won't mind if it's
Batman looking at her DNA... somethin' about bein' blind as a
bat.."
Bruce Wayne: ..".. here's the thing..
here's what Batman told me.. he finds DNA analysis invasive practice
.. so .. he said whenever he finds "The Woman without a face"'s
or ol' Jill the Ripper's Australian DNA.. "
Pamela Isley:
.. BULLSHIT!!.. BULLSHIT!!.. all any asshat on the internet has to
say is.. blah blah blah.. their's like.. no validity to the
Australian scientists research .. it just Doesn't MATTER... any
foolish person can write a.. a.. a .. downgrading of valid DNA
research by an esteemable Australian scientist into.. sorry..
remnants of Jill the Ripper's DNA.."
Harvey Dent looks
uncomfortable..
Bruce Wayne: ..".. Pam... you're right..
before ANYONE puts a refutation of scientific research on a media
studies internet webpage.. they really should read Marshall McCluhan
first.. or at least Alvin Toffler.. instead of.. as is evident of the
educational level of the media "studies" webpage I read on
Jill the Ripper.. which I read.. the author of this webpage has read
neither writer.."
Pamela Isley: ..".. Pam.. Bruce..
Harvey.. sorry.. it's just.. I kind of thought I could become Jill
the Ripper for the new milleneum someday.."
Harvey Dent:
.. ".. never give up on your dreams, Pam.."
Bruce
Wayne: ..".. oh wait.. see... Batman.. sorry.. Batman splices
his own DNA .. from clipping his fingernails or cutting his hair...
DNA from hair or fingernails.. his own.. he uses genetic engineering
that he learned from Braniac 13 technology which is interlaced with
his Batcave computer.. see he's got the whole code to his own DNA on
his Batcave computer.. and he's got a computer-coded translation of
Finnegans Wake by James Joyce on his computer.. and then finally ..
he's got o'l poor Ol Jill the Ripper's and the Woman without a Face's
DNA on his computer as pure digital .. and analog.. RNA analog ..
information on his computer in the Batcave.. and then.. he uses
fractal science from his book by Tamas Vicsek to overlay then all
together like pleated sheets .. so he can create a Double Helix.. and
form the DNA of a very special Jill the Ripper of his own.. he told
me all this.. he does this .. in the name of privacy.. and not doing
anything with anyone else's DNA that he wouldn't do with his own...
anyway.. I'm off.. nice talking to you both.. - Bruce
leaves..
Pamela Isley: ..".. I liked how he called me
Pam.. I really.. did.."
Harvey Dent: . ".. so did
I.."
Poison
Ivy (Winona Ryder): There is power in the air, my sensuous power of
my nudity, in the face of Armageddon. You have never known me without
knowing my naked body. My dream my nude body, my dream of eale my
nude form, my mud nude form. I am nude power, pure nude power. I
breathe my nude body. I breath in all the perfumes which reek from
it. All the cunvy orange peel perfumes which emanate from my nude
body. From its pores. I am death amid the flowers. My nude body is
death amid the violets. My heart breathes death. My heart breathes
the death which it emanates. Like an open wound which bleeds heaven.
My heart bleeds heaven from the gash which it has made of itself. A
gash just by virtue of its breathing. My breathing gash of heart.
Bruce
Wayne (Val Kilmar): I've never... never.. never met a woman like you.
Poison
Ivy (Winona Ryder): - crying – I .. I am no woman like.. myself.. I
am Cainwoman.. I am Abelwoman.. I am my own sacrifice.. I am the
sacrifice I make to God of myself.. the betternudewoman of the two is
which God prefers.. which the one of my two nude breasts which God
prefers.. a golden lasso made up of golden stars, of golden sparks of
champaigne, encircles my nude breasts.. I am nude before the eye of
God. I am nude before the eye of man. I am nude before you, Bruce.. I
... I ... love you... - she breathes softly toward him -
Bruce
Wayne (Val Kilmar): .. I just... I just.. need.. a friend..
Poison
Ivy (Winona Ryder): - crying - I am your friend.. Bruce.. lovely
Bruce.. I am your friend... forever...
Bruce
Wayne (Val Kilmar): .. forever.. forever.. forever a day.. a day a
coin... a coin my soul.. .. .. .. Two – Fa- ... Harvey... where is
Harvey...
Poison
Ivy (Winona Ryder): - shyly – Harvey? ... I know Harvey... he is
the coinage of my soul.. is Harvey.. I know many coins to fall like
autumn leaves in autumn.. coins falling in their decay.. decaying
into the antique... an antique autumn coin...
Bruce
Wayne (Val Kilmar): ... autumn coins... coins of decay... I hope
Harvey's okay... wait.. no.. no.. he's not.. he's .. he's ...
Two-face... what .. what am I thinking?...
Poison
Ivy (Winona Ryder): He's Harvey.. He'll always be... Harvey.. to
you.. it will never change... He will never change.. from Harvey..
Bruce
Wayne (Val Kilmar): .. no.. I know.. . he never did.. but then... why
... did .. he change..
Poison
Ivy (Winona Ryder): ... - crying almost painfully - questions, ...
too many questions?... a question my nude body.. my nude body is the
contour of a question mark..
Bruce
Wayne (Val Kilmar): - becoming alert - Wait. Wait... maybe the
Riddler.. knows the answer... to Harvey..
Poison
Ivy (Winona Ryder): The Riddler riddles my soul.. The Riddler riddles
my nude body.. with questions.. all his many, many questions..
Bruce
Wayne (Val Kilmar): The Riddler. I've never met.. I've never met him.
No. Wait.... I have. I have. But.. but we were both different men. OH
NO! I left him. I abandoned him.. in an institution. - suddenly
gestures to run off – I've got to find him! I can't hesitate! I
never- NEVER hesitate! I never NEVER leave a man in an institution.
That's where they want to put me someday.
Poison
Ivy (Winona Ryder): - crying – that will never, never happen...
A
voice, a familiar voice: X is for Xanadu! Ah- ha.
Poison
Ivy and Bruce Wayne: What?
Jim
Carrey Riddler: Yes dream machines indeed funtistic. Gripos is all
media. Volcano media! I am a Superman! Somebody stop mme! I have
improved upon Bell labs. Somebody stop[me. PLATO! Blotto! Bluto!
Brutus! Yikes! Yoiks! The lower half of the hourglass.. the b
integral.. u'duh .. vidion albion.. I think... Computer-lib Computers
are people too! I want a Superman cape!
We
live in media as fish live in water X in Xanada.. X in Xanadau
Xin Xanadu.. Any nitwit can understand computers, and many do. Mickey
Mouses dirty looks. The Englebar's data hierarchey. I am not a
skillful programmer computer programmer.. I am just acomputer fan,
volcano hourglass is a computer. Time reversal momentum lavaflow.
This is why I 'w 'm anso onso irritated by thos ewho think “”:
“:electronic medi” a” are all alike .. ALIKE.. all are's ALIKE.
Doctors for example are being told that they no longer own people's
bodies.. NOT! I am a Superman!.. nucleur agriculture..Two – face
believed in the value of a penny. But they got rid of the penny.
Aaauurrgh! Two-face would not survive this. His already fragile
psyche would be shattered... into coin anarchy.. coinage chaos..
Something had to be done. Two-face would return. He would study a
book on Canadian economics. Naked Lois Lane was entering her dreams.
Lex was entering her into her dreams.. quantum coin dreams.. naked
Lois Lane wwwins a derby... color-coded gambling slot naked lois
lane.. color coded and number- coded dreams.. Bbbbbring!!
Mike Esposito 
Robert Kanigher 
Ross Andru 
