The need to know the secrets of dusk is
as a meaning in a snowdrift either in the palace of knowledge which
is Nietzsche's... wait, I'm getting ahead of myself here. Okay,
here is the mesage: “we don't know (italics preferred) when
(italics as well) the0 the starting of a.. a type of avala- know I
mean the actual idea is to know what is meant by the same idea of .
Erik, it's me Hanno, this is your old friend who is unable to qued
yet identify himself but I will make – We're just going to be known
as the two people who want to make sure that you get your novel to
the presses and I'm going to be talking all throughout the novel..
“he hanno what is going on with your ideas
This is going to e the oh, wiath,
oh well, it's like I want to start the sentence with a lower capital
letter but, well, its just, you know.. Wait let's try again I want to
learn how to write in the listen Hanno we'll try later.
There is no need to .
If I don't write then it won't be
something to the
This is me..
If I don't get this thing on the ball I
won't be able to do any of the things which will derive from it. So,
let's just – okay, so my name is maya.. and I have schizophrenia
and this is where thi (hanno, part of my schizophrenia is that my
spelling is- wait, what does.. we'll talk later) narrative will
begin.
Okay so, I'm living in a sense of the
(all of the previous prose is the many
attempts of Maya to begin writing her narrative )
there is something that I wanted to say
from the start. See, it's like, Hanno, maybe you can help me, we'll
talk later
(this is all reflective of the
fragmented condition of the schizophrenic sufferer)
I have an odd dyslexia... (Hanno is
telling me that some people might think that James Joyce had dyxlexia
from reading Finnegans wake.) thi I don't know ho yu write bcause
it is justice like see I have actually read some of finnegans wake
and it is.. see Hanno is themselves
Sometimes I call myself 'mary', I don't
know why..
It's me- Jerry. It is going to be a-
something out of a Hamlet soliloquy, this book.. to be or not to be..
Jerry: Hi, Hanno, I wanted to talk
about Fallujah, and the terrifying mystery at the core of it. Did
the United States use chemical weapons against the Iraqi population
in Fallujah, causing babies to be born- the word that is used:
“deformed”. I don't like to use that word, it sounds
disrespectful to the victimized baby. The baby is born distorted.
That doesn't sound good either. But “deformed” is like... what
happens to people in comic books. I apoligize for mentioning comic
books in connection with the gravity of Fallujah.
Comic books... my mind is in a
bad place. Taking a photograph of a victimized child. It's like
putting that child in a comic book panel. As if you're making it
part of a narrative. And the privacy and identity of the child is
swept away by it. I can't get that image of the child-victim of
Fallujah out of my mind, and when that's the case, I can't do
anything; I'm paralyzed. All I can do is flop on the sofa and rest,
just dissolve my eyes into black depths of nothing... I can't connect
the image to any action. An action would defile the image.
Hanno: What does schizophrenia bring
you in one phase of it- a sense of justice, all the paradigms of
reality coming together as reconfigured puzzle pieces into a finished
puzzle of justice.
Hanno this is e e me ee hanno we need
to like be contained in our areas of hanno let's just say we... I
mean, hanno let's talk
Hanno, in “Ulysses” when
Stephan Daedelus describes a pyre as a disappointed bridge. I
sometimes feel like I'm a disappointed bridge. What did Nietzsche
say, “man is a bridge, not a goal” It's interesting, all the
literary giants mention bridges.
Waiting. It is moral to wait.
Punctuality is not moral. It is either amoral or anti-moral.
Because you can spend what seems like your whole existence just
waiting for a time when accomplishing something, anything, is not an
immoral action. That's obsessive-compulsive disorder. Or
schizophrenia. I can't tell them apart anymore, not since I started
thinking of the obsessive-compulsive element of my schizophrenic
condition.
... hanno its may a here.. maya..
Waiting. How long did the Iraqi's
have to wait for the economic sanctions against the Iraqi population
to be finished. Incidentally, I'm wondering if you could make a
study of the evolution of the political language of sanctions.
During the Obama-Romney campaign, both candidates spoke overtly about
the deliberate intention and “success” of the sanctions against
Iran in impoverishing the Iranian economy. Doing direct, intentional
damage to the economy of a country- have sanctions aways been talked
about in those terms? It's like being President of the United States
or part of its cabinet is the same as being the heads of Enron.
Except Enron didn't cause 500,000 deaths of Iraqi children.
During.. hanno wait you were just
writing down thought, I'll come back al lil lalter... Hanno: Sure
okay. We'll talk. I think I was just thinking that during the
decade of economic sanctions against Iraq there was a concerted
attempt by the American politicians concerned to say that it was only
Saddam who was causing the poverty, it was said that Kurdistan's
economic successes during the sanctions regime were proof of that. I
remember reading on an anti-sanctions website that most of the arable
land in Iraq was in Kurdistan and that this was a factor in
Kurdistan's comparative success. It was the official “food-basket”
of Iraq.
I felt sorry for Saddam Hussein,
when I saw that first picture of his face after he'd been located,
with that haunted, wounded, desolate look and his scraggly overgrowth
of beard. I'm not sure how safe it is to say that you feel sorry for
him. I'm reading a book, “Genocide in Iraq”, about Iraq before
and during the sanctions regime, and the book straddles between
condemning Saddam Hussein personally and praising the Iraqi Ba'ath
regime of which he was the head and source of domestic policy. The
book praises the economic accomplishments of the “Ba'ath regime”
rather than mentioning Saddam himself directly as the proponent of
these accomplishments.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder, or
OCD, asks you the question whether you could be as evil as Saddam
Hussein. Schizophrenia then tells you exhaustively that you already
are.
... as evil as Saddam Hussein. I say
that without knowing what Saddam Hussein actually personally did. I
know about the gassing of the Kurds, I believe it was a Halabcha.
I've read a horrific account of a child, a little girl, being
suffocated by the sheer mass of a crowd of people in a train. To be
suffocated by the compression of crowds of people together. Is that
possible? Is there absolutely no air that can escape between them?
A couple of years ago -
Maya, it's me... Ishtar. I
wanted to talk to you about.. your friend... and mine.. Ahmadinejad.
I think he is truly... affrighted.. for Iran.. for its population..
for what seems to be an impending attack by Israel. 'Operation Cast
lead'... yes.. and '\operation \pillar of Defense'.... such an attack
on Iran.. I 'm sorry, what were you saying, Maya. Oh, that he is
most likely relieved Hillary Clinton is no longer Secretary of
State.. ah, yes, haha, I'm sorry.. I didn't think of that.. What did
she say.. that they, if Iran launched a nucleur attack on Israel, the
United States “would be able to obliterate them”.. the population
of Iran.. she said it was “a terrible thing to say”, unlike
Madeline Albright's saying in her autobiography, in respect to the
economic sanctions against Iraq, that as soon as she had said that
the deaths of the population was a price they were willing to pay,
she immediately regretted saying it... Hillary Clinton seemed to e
endorsing the awful nature of what she was saying.. if she wasn't
voice-overed... Maybe when she writes her autobiography, she'll
express regrets over her comments as well..
Hanno's journal
_____________
So, my voice teacher told me to
speak some dialogue of Hamlet with a sense of quickness and I found
myself speaking it in a halting manner, like quickness of speech goes
logically with a staccato style of speaking.
Voice teacher: See, Hanno, I wanted to
tell you something about the scene of Hamlet's first meeting with
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. The scene is about Hamlet's growth of
intuition, and it's how you've been playing the scene. That by the
end of the scene, when Hamlet says “God bye to you”, Hamlet has
lost his friends, and there is a sadness which grows with his
intuition, accurate or not, that he can't trust them.
...acgh, acgh, I can't talk, acgh,
can only make an Arabic gagging sound, glugg, glugg... it's maya by
the way..
So, when Hamlet is talking about
“some habit that too much o'erleavens the form of plausive
manners”, he is talking to himself, about himself. About the
haunting ghost of gentility which Laurence Olivier brought to the
role. Quietism “too much o'erleavens the form of plausive manners”
and breeds an inward gentleness, which Hamlet sees as a fault, as a
fault in himself.
Hanni.. Hanno, I'm so afraid of
America. What did that book say, 150,000 people or more died in the
first Persian Gulf war. Hanno, did that book, Hanno, how do you
answer for that as a politician or a soldier who carried out the
bombing. Hanno: After reading about the deaths from the first
Persian Gulf war, the scale of it, I just feel like I should take
some time for silence, just not do anything.. except write..
This doesn't want me trying –
what I want to say is that there is something else which doesn't want
me to understand the condition of the suffering, some silently
functioning principle
.. hi, this is me.. maya.. I wontd
to unnderstand the- why do I just speak in gibberish – it is
offensive
Hanno: When the Jews immigrated to
Palestine, their status as “illegal” immigrants... they were
fleeing persecution, they were concentration camp victims being
interned in former prisoner-of-war camps by the British, and as you
read about it, you are afraid of the question “Why?” You are
afraid of coming up with a reasonable answer for it.
Hi this be me e e maya and ii wanted to
tell you that I have never found you- hanno I find you tob e a
compelling riter I just wanted to- hay I'm maya o' nonmaya I just
wanted to say that now there is something we can rejoyce about hano
wait hanno wait I just want to make sure I don' miszeplest no myzlpkt
no misspell your name I just wanted to tell you taht you are going to
hanno we'll talk in a fewe minutes...
Hanno I just wanted tohano we'll talk
Hanno, I'm the little munchkin who
talks like: oh wow gazelle yeah letsa do it. I'm just Wait Hanno!
Maybe the riddler and me talk in similar dialectics... hanno I feel
like Hanno let me tell you about some of the things we've been
doing.. Hanno this is me again maya I just wanted say that yu hve
been hanno we justHanno its me . Wait Hanno this is Hanno we'll talk
Hanno's journal
_____________
I don't like what is happening to
me. It's getting worse and worse. Or rather, I'm getting worse and
worse. Nietzsche wrote about Shopenhauer's concept of the 'esse', a
person's essence, and of Shopenhauer's belief that freedom of the
will lay behind the esse- that free will produced the essence of the
person, rather than producing the 'operari', the person's actions.
He didn't believe, according to Nietzsche, that a free will lay in
the person's actions, but rather was in a person's being, the 'esse'.
I feel there is something rotten in the state of my heart' that the
free will behind my esse is malevolent. The state of my being is a
function of malevolence. How do you get access to the free will
behind your state of being, your state of existing?
'To be or not to be' and the
undiscovered country behind it. I wonder if Hamlet read Shopenhauer.
What does the difference of a few centuries matter in the realities
of literature.
Frank Gratz here. Hanno, I think
it's that you've been reading some of the worst stuff- I mean, some
of the most horrible things. You've been reading the Holocaust, the
Holocaust which went on after the war ended- in Palestine. They said
after the 1948 war of Independence, 6000 Jews, 1% of the Jewish
population in Palestine, had been killed. Reading about the
Holocaust, which you've been doing, causes a feeling of complicity
with it for the reader.
Hanno's journal
_____________
I relate to Shakespeare's Macbeth,
but, me with my schizophrenia, I don't feel I can read it presently.
From what I remember, it is as if the whole play is Macbeth's dream,
lie “Finnegans Wake” is presumably H.C. Earwicker's dream, but
Macbeth's dream become as concrete as stone. It's the vibrant humane
element in Macbeth, that it is a play which is a history of
conscience, a map of conscience, a horrored heart. It is a
conscience with a pulse, an organic conscience; it is like a stone as
an organic thing. It's the inward kingdom of Macbeth's
consciousness, an inward kingdom of nightmares, something similar to
how Nietzsche wrote of the intricacies of the German soul.
Is the play 'Macbeth' one of the
bad dreams which Hamlets has? Hamlet become Macbeth.
Hanno's journal
_____________
The end is nigh... or not yet
begun- I mean to say, we haven't, Hanno, this is me, maya.. I wanted
to say.. it just hasn't been the same since the dyslexia just
lifted.. hanno, this is I don't know how to say it.. we haven't
been.. hanno... boohoohoo.. i'm just crying... I just am so.. empty..
it's like we oh wait it's like, ive got it nw it with an apositle...
apostate.. apostrape.. apostrophe.. okay I know now.. so its like..
individual lletters are so fascinating for me..a nd .. hanno.. we
just.. oh your wondering if I' m feeling the same emptiness which you
felt when you couldn't read because of your reading impairment-
Hanno! That's it! I can write but it, hanno, the reading.. i can
read but only short sentences.. oh wiat hanno.. Hanno: Shem the
Penman in “Finnegans Wake” could only write in short sentences,
in truly abbreviated sentences.. wow hanno tha's so, haha, I'm
sahying like as in like, you know, like, fascinating... I guess the
dyslexia hasn't completely lifted yet.. hanno.. what did I say? Oh,
it was like I could only reeeaaaad in like slooowwww fashion.. hanno
Hanno: I've been reading a bit of Noam Chomsky and I only read a
little bit of a book of his, but I learned some devestating
information, that America had used chemical weapons against the
population of South Vietnam... HANno! That is so.. important! We
can just read some facts that don't tke up much of the book but
nevertheless are of historical importantc.. oh Microsoft word is
fixing some of my spelling.. Hanno: Agent Orange, I think the
chemical weapon used was called, I think.. Hanno, I just- it's
so..... vast.. we don't know who or what is going on.. Hanno: and
it's difficult to talk about it because you feel like you're just
repeating information other people have discovered or studied..
hanno, hah- oh, I shouldn't be going haha.. it's like, hey, a put on
apostrape in 'it's' just now.. hanno oh my god hanno wait I was
wondering whether I should be saying God's name with a lower-case.
Hanno: well like Jesus says the meek will inherit the earth, so God
may his or herself feel like a meek being... Hano that's oh wait its
too enn's, hanno, I feel like I no at least how to spell your name..
hanno wait, hanno.. we can talk later.. yes, we'll talk..
May here.. i mean.. maya here...
hey that's clever... I just wanted to talk about SIR Ian Mckellen and
his greatness as Magneto.. he brigs.. brings.. a real... whats the
wor..word..zesty..zestyness to the role.. hanno I know we deleted som
e letters and you wait I mean I feel I mean we both feel guilty about
it.. hanno it's like he.. he prefor.. performa.. performs a magneto
who want to LIVE.. who still feels there is work to be done.. and
that he is the architect for it.. whow im etting.. getting lucid..
like the bridge scene.. scene.. when he detaches the bridge and lifts
it to another location.. it's lie Krilov... kirilov in the “The
Possessed” taklign.. talk ing about being emplyed in building
bridges.. although he believes in the princip le of destruction...
magnetoin.. in x-men3.. he is a brige.. bridge builder.. he wants to
like build a bridge to somewhere... or lead an existing bridge of
humanity in other.. in another direction..
Hanno' s journal
______________
I've been practicing Hamlet and
I've found my vocal reading of the text to be leaning toward the
quietism of Laurence Olivier's voice rather than the more ribald,
melodramatic voice I was feeling I mean, the “O
what a rogue and peasant slave” monologue I find myself speaking in
a quietistic manner. Perhaps its began when my voice teacher told me
to speak the monologue like Mephistopheles and I spoke it softly,
with an aspiration for gentility in my speech. Mephistopheles I
understood to be a reflective soul who speaks gently.
When I'd previously been advised
by my voice teacher to speak a Hamlet monologue like the devil, then
that brought to me a sense of the devil's vigour and sarcastic,
biting tongue.
Ishtar has a machiavellian wit.
She is the silkworm in the jewel, phasing her way through labyrinths.
Labyrinths, visualized riddles, are her natural habitat. Labyrinths
like calligraphy, ink which she draws over her body, lyricizing her
body with ink trails. Is it from this coalescence of ink and body
that she draws forth her powerful wit? Is hers a body-wit?
.. Hanno, it's Ishtar.. I wanted
to explain.. I'm a person.. who doesn't feel.. she has a form.. It's
as if... I'm... Hanno, that's interesting, you suggested the word
“phasing”.. between one form and another.. because clouds
phase... as if I'm phasing between realities... What was that you
once wrote of me, that sitting on my throne, I felt like.. liquid..
taking the shape.. of my container..Hanno.. that's exactly how I
feel..
The pauses in Ishtar's speech are
integral to her personality..
Hanno's journal
_____________
I wanted to talk about Miss America.
She's nothing like the comic book version, which portrayed her as a
sexual predator. She's had crying fits about it and she was in a
really bad way and Anna Livia has been helping her, protecting her in
her maternal manner. Miss America felt horrified when she called
Anna Livia a horrible thing, and Anna Livia said, gently, “Well,
maybe it's what I am”. Miss America talks in a nasal voice, a kind
of low nasal voice. She sees herself as a dork, a generic nerd who
wears glasses and has a generic nerd-voice. She's really sweet. I
thought, maybe the movie version of Miss America could be a
palestinian suicide bomber, and she's resurrected after the suicide
attack as Miss America. She could join Lex Luthor's Injustice
League, which is made up of all of society's outcasts. Oh, and Miss
America says she likes being naked. Typical.
I am going to die someday without
having done my work on this earth- what am I saying? I do not like
this feeling. How about feeling like someone who can see I am your
advisor to which I feel most obligatory because I haven't yet figured
out who I am yet there is much, how goes the quotation, excellent
music in this I am not a hanno just so. It is all you need to write,
yes.
Maya's journal
____________
ooookay, let us see.. im looking
fore som examples to help me undorstad the nature of my conditain
..i mean.. condition.. okay Microsoft word is helping me spel
ackuratly
It's MY turn, Loyala's turn, to
talk, Maya, MY turn, MINE.. I don't understand this infantile
regression of yours, little miss whimsical wheemsical..
everything..just.. like..
... the devil spoke as if his
mouth was full of molasses. The burden of humanity brought its
weight down upon each spoken syllable... Mephistopheles was unsure
about his own identity
Hanno: I think it's what my voice
teacher was getting at. That tryhing to get me back to reading
Dostoevsky like I did in my twenties was going to make reading a
biography of Richard Nixon like reading Dostoevsky.
Maya's journal
____________
Raskolnikov, my hero, my sense of
self in its entirety. It's like the phases, the phasing in and out
of unreality in “Crime and Punishment”. The layers of unreality
in the book. It's like, you just know, the double-murder was a
dream, a terrible nightmare, and Raskolnikov didn't kill anybody. He
enters a dream in which he's a murderer, like he's entered some kind
of puzzle-machine like something the Riddler in old Batman comics
might have come up with. Wait, my dyslexia's gone.
I mean, tha erdlery.. ah shit..
tha eldry woman at the poanshap.. the pawnshop that's it.. I wonder
why Dostoevsky says she's evil in his notebooks.. ah, lucidity
again.. you feal sarry, feel sorry for her..
Loyola's journal
_____________
Hanno: I just remember extraneous
facts from the Nixon biography I'm reading, for instance, his writing
160, 000 thank you cards to those who'd supported him during his
campaign against Kennedy. Loyola: WHAT! NO, NO, NO, not you, Mr.
Nixon! Don't set the standard that high; I can't even handle one.
Hopefully Kennedy didn't send any. Hanno: Well, I remember
Nietzsche quoting Swift as saying that people that revengeful to the
same extent that they were grateful' not to twist that into Nixon's
gratitude being a pretext for a warmongering Nixon. Goodness that's
awful.
Hanno's journal
_____________
So, yesterday I said I felt like I
had Hitler's soul. I'm not sure if that makes sense. I don't know
who Hitler is. I mean, I've read through William Shirer's book on
Nazi Germany in the past, but I've forgotten it. I've read through
parts of John Toland's biography of Hitler, and the only thing i
remember is that the Jewish doctor who treated Hitler's mother when
she was dying said that he'd never seen anyone love and mourn his
mother as much as Hitler did. And that Hitler expressed gratitude to
the doctor. Apart from that, I don't know anything about Hitler.
Saying I felt like I had his soul was just a convenient way of
putting down what I was feeling. Saying I felt like the worst of
evil tyrants.
Writing about the sexual
dehumanization of Holocaust victims, I don't... want to use the word
“naked”. Even discussing it now the word seems to be a further,
horrific violation of the victims. I say, “being in a state of
complete undress”. The word “naked” implies participation by
the undressed individual.
I remember reading on a website
about R.D. Laing about a woman being kept in isolated confinement in
a state of complete undress in a mental institution in the '60's. I
remember reading about a young man being kept in the same state of
complete undress in isolated confinement in an American prison. You
know these aren't isolated cases. It's like the holocaust never
ended. Like its principles are still actively endorsed and
implemented.
Hanno's journal
_____________
I'll explain what I meant when I
said I felt I had Hitler's soul. It was in the morning when I felt a
horrific but sedentary feeling that, as an author, I could betray the
characters in my novel. That when you write a novel, you have the
power as the author to cause any horrible thing to happen to a
character. It's in this sense that I felt like a despicable tyrant,
that I was complacently aware of this. The characters in my novel
are spirits I talk to through the schizophrenic mesh which interferes
with so much of our discourse. The ability to talk to spirits is one
of the gifts of schizophrenia, and it's horrific to think that as the
author “channelling” or giving them a position in the book I
would be aware of any such potential to betray them.
To clarify, negative voices that
work toward your own destruction in the most complicated fashion are
fake voices, using your mind like a parasite to create a vast
infrastructure of obscenities and self-demonization. The voices of
spirits are always, by definition, gentle and kind and they say they
feel horrible about the imposter voices which take their place when
the schizophrenic attacks happen. You know they're not responsible
but they still feel terrible about the horrific, unknown things the
imposter voices have been saying, one of the worst imposter voices
being your own, your own voice being hijacked by some evil void which
uses your intelligence to construct your infinite guilt. That whole
stage, lasting maybe a full year, I was alone in the wasteland,
surrounded by a machine of relentless mental torment. Eventually I
found my spirit friends again.
Hanno's journal
_____________
In respect to the movie “Death and
the Maiden”, which was the extension of the Manson legacy, even
though Charles Manson himself was innocent. There was an old TV
interview of Sigourney Weaver talking to the Canadian entertainment
journalist Brian Linehan, during her promotion of “Working Girl”,
in which she's touched by Linehan's sympathy for her character in the
movie, and in which her features are much fuller and rounder than
they ever appear to be in any of her movies, if the footage could be
found, it would probably greatly provide her with some reassurance.
Hanno's journal
_____________
It's Hanno again. I just wanted to
say, in respect to Donald Sutherland in MASH, I understand what was
going on in “Invasion of the Body Snatchers”, when Donald
Sutherland first sees his own face on one of the plant-clones, and
smashes it before any of the others. I know he was just told to sit
and smile at something and the scene in MASH was all about the
editing. I don't think Robert Altman directed that movie. Maybe in
some archives there is an original semi-documentary which he did
direct.
Oh, one other thing, guys, avoid
reading the final Molly Bloom chapter of “Ulysses”. It has some
horrific language against women attributed to Molly Bloom which James
Joyce never would have written and which he would never have
envisioned for Molly Bloom or the woman she was abusing.
It's Hanno again. There are a lot
of sexually abused children and women being preyed on by women in the
parallel reality and Glubb Pasha aka Mr. Unmentionable, who has been
involved in both dialectical,wink wink, opposition to the Glubb Pasha
Takedown legion, the Glubb Pasha streetfighter legion, the Realcops
brigade, and the Ring Fellowship brigade, he had at least on side the
Glubb Pasha brigade, an underground legion. The honest cops, who
know themselves as coppers, copper coins, or bobbies, have a real
difficulty getting a leg up. There's a lot of legimate corruption
and collusion on the police force with the drug dens and child
slavery rings run by the women, so the honest cops have to do a lot
of bumbling role-playing to serve as crowd dynamical impediments and
the such. Comical stuff, really. The important thing is, all the
cops, who are all male, observe the R. D. Laing paradigm when
rescuing children and women. The paradigm is based on the event of a
woman who R. D. Laing immediately rescued from a mental institution,
where she was being kept in isolated confinement in a state of
complete undress, and R. D. Laing himself, took off his clothes to
talk to her himself in a state of complete undress. And she started
talking for the first time. She's been saying, just to reassure
people, that as soon as the handsome and compassionate R. D. Laing
appeared, she began to feel instantly pleasantly aroused by her body
and returning to life. So, Glubb Pasha and the honest cops are
themselves in a state of complete undress when they rescue children
and women who've been forced into the same state. Glubb Pasha and
his followers are in also in complete undress when they deliver
babies, as male midwives, which as how they believe midwives did it
in the old days, both female and male ones. Also, naked women are
also with them on their rescues, like naked Savannah Samson et al,
and they have done a lot of work accompanying the honest cops on
their rescues.
One thing, there is definitely writing
attributed to R.D. Laing which he never wrote, which was intended to
viciously destroy his legacy. “The divided self” and, I think
it's called “the politics of experience”, maybe it's called
something else, but those two books should be safe. “The divided
self” definitely has things in it which go against R. D. Laing's
principles, but it's an important work, nevertheless.
Hi guys, I just wanted to reassure.
The scene in 'Ulysses” in which Bloom's daughter, Milly, is in the
bathtub is not a portrayal of Joyces's own family life. He said
parents were always inside the bathtub with their children. I'm not
sure, but I'm thinking Joyce didn't want the scene in the book, but
there might have been certain prophetic considerations as well. His
daughter might have felt the scene should stay in the book. Joyces's
own understanding of the scene is made clear when Bloom's defence
counsel J. J. O. Molloy, I think his name is, states Bloom love the
skullermaid Mary Driscoll like his own daughter and Bloom puts J. J.
O Molloy's hand to his mouth.
One other thing, guys, avoid the
chapter in “Ulysses” which takes place before the “Circe”
chaper, the chapter which occures during the birth. The chapter has
some pedophilic language which James Joyce never wrote. It made it
difficult for me to return to reading the novel.
Bart Simpson is Bugsy Malone.
Millhouse is Meyer “Gofather-voiced” Lansky.
It would be awesome if Kendra Wilkinson
played Bart Simpson in a live-action movie. And if Winona Ryder
played Millhouse.
Jennifer Eve's journal
__________________
I think I want to write- a blog.
Hmh. A blog. Yeah. Or maybe. Sort of. Yeah. Hmh. Maybe.
Hanno: Hey, Jennifer Eve, that's cool. You write like Shem the
Penman. The same tempo.
Hanno: It's like, Frank Gratz told me
that the only book I needed to read to help me with writing my novel
was “Finnegans Wake” and I'm interested in whether that's true or
not. Because I'm getting a snes.. hanno..its maya.. I just wanted to
a hoy matey let's read som e finngans wake- wait, I want to
pronounce, I mean, write it accurately: “Finnegans wake”..
without an apostraphe..
Emily Joyce: Hanno, I'm speaking in a
faint voice, and I speak in a faint voice when I speak about Tzipi
Livni. Because I've been trying to understand her, and I don't
understand how she can be one person with the Palestinian Authority
and another person with Hamas. It's like she's two people.
Hanno's journal
_____________
I have never felt like a person
who can stand in judgement of others- well, no, in high school I
actually espoused some radical right-wing views which occurred like
the ail of a boat billowing in stormy weather. In my twenties I
learned how one could incarnate a reflecting mirror of all levels of
evil. It was like a precursor of the schizophrenia which arrived in
my thirties, which eventually became a campaign by various “voices
to convince me I was the most evil person on the planet, in history,
in fact. That I was an architect of all the evil that had
constructed itself in historical striata. That stage is essentially
finished now, so I find myself able to write about it. I still feel
evil feelings which may or may not be a result of that nighmarish
phase of the schizophrenia. That's when I feel that I'm only getting
worse in my inner character.
That phase when you feel like an
evil person is actually more complicated than voices telling you
that you are. You feel like a full participant, while you're lying
on the floor with a blanket over yourself, in this process. All your
trains of thought are obscene architectures which don't allow for a
single moment of courage or paradigm of empathy. In all respects,
you become the essential villain of all narratives.
Hanno's journal
_____________
I'm trying to read “Crime and
Punishment” in the original Cyrillic Russian, a language I don't
know. I'm just trying to retrieve a particular kind of reading I was
able to do in my twenties, where the words were visual patterns which
danced across the page, across your vision. I'm going back and forth
between reading “Crime and Punishment” in Russian and “Finnegans
Wake”, a book where each page is like a painting made up of
wordcolors.
Hanno, it's your voice teacher. I
wanted to tell you something about- about Madame Epanchin in “The
Idiot”. I know you have a strong dislike of her and you don't
understand Prince Myshin's affection for her. Hanno... it's.. the
elderly woman who is murdered by Raskolnikov in “Crime and
Punishment”... I think Dostoevsky felt.. he felt some real guilt
over having described her as evil, over villifying the victim of a
murder. And I think there is a link between the two women. I think
that Madame Epanchin is the elderly pawnshop woman. I think Madame
Epanchin was Dostoevsky's own consciene trying to give a voice to the
murdered, villified elderly woman in “Crime and Punishment”. He
gives Madame Epanchin an abrasive personality on purpose. And Prince
Myshkin's relentless affection for her, oh God Hanno, Prince Myshkin
is Raskolnikov. They are the same man. “The Idiot” is a direct
sequel. Hanno: It's.. it's reassuring to understand where Prince
Myshkin's arrogant pride and pomp and circumstance come from, that
it's Raskolnikov's irascible spirit which has not been quenched by
his seven years in Siberia.
Eric's journal
___________
The prosecution of Enron was part
of the invasion of America. It was the sequel to 9/11. There was
something so horrific about the demonization of businesspeople after
3000 businesspeople had died in the World Trade Centre towers. I
think it permanently scarred the American psyche.”
When Roger Ebert was making those
horrific comments about he didn't understand why people weren't
angrier about Enron, he was on drugs or something and they were
mangling his neurosystem. He was talking about why people weren't
angrier about Abu Ghraib, not fucking Enron, for Christ sake. And
when they were saying that were laughing while they did, they were
talking about the laughing Abu Ghraib torturers.
There was a scene in a movie
called “Bachelor Party” early in Tom Hank's career where Tom
Hanks is portrayed participating in the gang-rape of a man and the
scene is played for comedy. That's why Tom Hanks was crying when he
accepted the Oscar for 'Philadelphia'. And I think that's what
'Philadelphia' was originally supposed to be about. It was supposed
to be about male rape.
I mean, you see things even in
superhero movies. A scene I saw in a trailer for the musical “Les
Miserables”, of Anne Hathaway's character being sexually abused, is
represented tragically, and the same exact occurrence of Wolverine
being sexually abused in the same way in “The Wolverine” is
played for comedy.
The one phenomenon which seems
completely invisible to society is female sexual violence against
other women. There is a scene in the Catwoman mini-series “My
sister's keeper”, in which a woman is in the bathtub, and it's
dark, and “Catwoman” comes prowling in, with her costumed claws,
and looms over the woman in the bathtub, and the woman is terrified,
and can barely speak. All she can utter are silent, terrified
prayers. And Catwoman asks her some questions and then leaves, and,
even though there's been no physical contact, the woman has been
raped- by Catwoman, the post-crisis Catwoman. Why did this scene
happen? Part of me wonders whether the writer, Mindy Newell, knew
that the post-crisis Catwoman would be an evil character, which she
remained. In another comic, the post-crisis “Catwoman” rapes a
man in a similar manner. And maybe the writer felt a horrible
obligation to establish this as the reality of the character.
There's a final panel in the
scene, which shows the woman visualized in an erotic manner. And I
wonder, whether this may have been attempt to represent something
which, in a real-life occurrence of such a rape, would have no
connection to reality, something which only existed in an imaginary
comic book reality. Was it meant to show the woman immediately
reclaiming her physicality? Maybe she was an innately erotic woman,
and the final panel was meant to show, perhaps misguidedly, the woman
reclaiming her erotic identity after her physicality had been
viciously, violently stolen from her.
Superhero comics. Superhero
movies. I don't know. Why was there a need to put pedophilic scenes
at the beginning of both the first Superman movie and “Man of
Steel”? Why this incessant need to put pedophelia in Superman
movies? I can't help but wonder if it's why Brandon Routh criticized
'Man of Steel' without having seen it, whether he actually walked out
of the movie at the very beginning because of the pedophelia. I
wonder if it's the reason they initially made a sequel to the
Christopher Reeve Superman movies instead of restarting the
franchise.
Hanno's journal
_____________
the devil is in the narrow straits
of human consciousness... if we do not now why something has occured
then we become like an amputee with a phantom limb... sometimes we
feel like.. maya e e he er e e I just wanted to say I've felt that
phantom limb... its been like a feeling of having empty hands.. of
being a phantom lower-case letter... I mean, I LIKE being
lower-case.. its like somehow it ends up becomin to much the circcum
ferance. So that you're like that empty limit at the tangent which
meets at that infinitesimal position at the circumferance... in
calculus I mean..
Hanno's journal
_____________
The following could be Prince
Hamnet's thoughts about playing Hamlet, especially the observation
“ay, there's the rub” being spoken like a stab wound
So, Hamlet begins his soliquy with
an utter passivity: “To be or not to be”. Then, when he asks,
“is it nobler in the mind to suffer”, the tone of the speech
shifts dramatically with the word “nobler”, a word with an
element of affectation to it. When I've haplessly tried to speak the
“to be or not to be: monologue, I've always found myself pausing
and changing my tone of voice into a quizzical tone at the word
“nobler.” My performing of the monologue has always felt
artificial to me but maybe I understand something valid in pausing
before and giving a strange intonation to the word “nobler'; as
confuse as I was by this early passage in the monologue, maybe there
was merit to the confusion. Because there is an asymmetry or
conflict of tone from the one phrase to the next.
Then “is it nobler in the mind
to suffer the slings and arrows”: the phrase “nobler in the mind”
could be seperated from the rest of the monologue and represent
something on its own. What is an ennobled mind? The word “noble”
indicates some class-consciousness. But the mind is a private sphere
and seperate from noble classes. The phrase is “nobler in the
mind”, as in nobler within the mind. The phrase seems paradoxical-
hence much confusion in speaking it.
“To suffer the slings and
arrows”, concrete things for the mind in its abstractness to
suffer. There may be a shared meaning between the concreteness of
“slings and arrows” and the concrete publicness of the word
nobler”. The slings and arrows shot out of the Scylla and Charabda
of outrageous fortune, that is, his knowledge of his father of
dubious identity suffering from hellfire or Purgatory; the ghost, at
first, merely “alas poor ghost!” rather than “alas poor father”
suffering the purgings of sin. It is perhaps merely a ghost, not his
father, but a ghost who finds release in representing himself as
Hamlet's father, for whom Hamlet feels such compassion- compassion
nevertheless which comes and goes. Is this “outrageous fortune”
merely “alas, poor ghost” or is it truly his father? And then
increments of belief that it is in fact his father work harshly on
Hamlet's heart. It is his father surrounded by “blasts from hell”,
and it is the intermittent nature of this knowledge, it's recurrent
reappearance to Hamlet's apprehension, the mentally inconsistent
connection Hamlet has to the spectre's reality which partially
defines Hamlet's emotional reality, his “heartache”.
How can Hamlet's mind compass this
nether-region, its fantastical nature, and his own mediocre concrete
reality next to it. Already before he encountered the spectre, it
was a reality “weary, stale, flat and unprofitable”. It is now
an even flatter reality beside the phantasmagoria of the ghost's
reality..
Is Hamlet in a state of utter
despair when he speaks the words “to be or not to be”, and when
he speaks the word “nobler”, do the intrinsic qualities of the
word itself bring him a feeling of hope?
I'm reading Derrida to help me
with Hamlet. Reading Derrida out loud is what helps me understand
his writing. I don't want to read Derrida out loud because I'm
annoyed by the sound of my voice while I'm reading his writing.
What I'm struggling with in the
“Oh, what a rogue and peasant slave am I” speech is its
essentially ironical nature. What Hamlet is bemoaning the lack of in
himself is all those emotions opposed to what in him “passes show”.
The statement “He would drown the stage with tears” is the kind
of exaggerated emotion which Hamlet has previously disavowed. Hamlet
despairs of the fact that his “cue for passion” is a cue for
something artificial.
When Hamlet says, “... that ever
I was born to set it right”, he might be speaking this in fearful,
tremulous intonations.
I had this thought that I didn't
want my speaking of the role of Hamlet to be too abrasive-sounding,
so I tried to think of other versions of speaking the “o cursed
spite” sentence, and found myself thinking that it would become a
sentence spoken in fearful, tremulous intonations.
My idea for the “To be or not to
be” monologue is that it is spoken by Hamlet in a trance-like
state.
The “Ay” in “Ay, there's the
rub” is spoken almost like a stab-wound.
When Hamlet speaks “To be or not
to be”, he's saying that not to exist is as simple as saying you
don't exist, as saying “not to be”, something like Stephan
Daedalus wondering if he'll fall through the adiaphane when he closes
his eyes and blackness surrounds him.
What I'm thinking is that Hamlet
isn't necessarily thinking of killing himself when he says “to be
or not to be”. What he's uttering is a sense in him of their being
no difference between being or not being. Well, he is thinking of
killing himself but he's also thinking there might not be a great
difference between being alive and being dead.
There's a bit of contempt for
“the trappings and suits of woes” in the “inky cloak” speech.
So, I imagine that Hamlet would be
still during the King's first speech. That he would be detaching
himself intensely from the pomp and ceremony of the proceedings.
A question I haven't asked myself
yet is why it is Hecuba and not the murdered Priam that Hamlet
focuses on in his “what a rogue and peasant slave am I”
monologue. Does he relate Hecuba to Gertrude? And so is Priam who
he relates to his father? And does he compare the anguish of Hecuba
at seeing the murder of Priam to his mother being, “like Niobe, all
tears” at his father's funeral? And he can't imagine Hecuba
forgetting the image of the murdered king, and he relates this in
some oblique fashion to his mother's apparent forgetfulness of her
deceased husband. I have some idea which is still confused to me as
to where all this is directed toward, that it all leads to Hamlet
wondering why the player should mourn Hecuba, even though Hecuba
won't forget the image of the murder of Priam, and Hamlet's anguish
as to the player's... I've lost my train of thought. I'm just
thinking that there could be much cerebration as to Hamlet's
anguished confusion as to why the player should “weep for”
Hecuba. I'm having a mental lapse right now. Hecuba won't forget
Priam. The player doesn't forget Hecuba's anguish. Gertrude forgets
her husband. There's something like a triad of forgetfullness and
torment here.
So I've recited the “to be or
not to be” monologue and I spoke it with a timbre of great
contempt. Because I felt that the question of suicide in the
quietistic statement of “to be or not to be”, that sense that
there is little difference between the two states the distinction
between the two is a “quarrel over a straw”, that all this brings
a great outpouring of contempt in him, that “no more” a “sleep,
no more” is a relief to him make him speak the phrase “no more”
with contempt, because “no more” is all the residue of his
existence. Then when he reaches the stab-wound of “ay, there's the
rub”, the contempt enhances into vision of a nightmarish future
state, in which all that is rank and gross is amplified, and the
future existence to come is merely a refined form of the corruption
of his present reality.
After Hamlet kills Polonius, he
gently, with tremulous hands, puts the sword on the floor and raises
his hands to his eyes, looking at them in horror.
All his horror at having killed
Polonius goes into his rantings toward his mother.
Eric's journal
___________
Jennifer Eve. I seem to only date
women named Jennifer. There was another Jennifer I had a long-term
relationship with two years ago. She didn't know my last name and I
didn't know hers. But Jennifer Eve's name, Jennifer Eve Tiamat,
there was no way I could know her without knowing her whole name, its
symbolical depths. Here is an example of her brilliant discourse.
Jennifer Eve: “Maclean's magazine
has gotten horrible beyond redemption. They had that article, where
they were calling women who lifted their tops in bars, 'female
chauvinist pigs'. They were calling us women who do that 'pigs'.”
Jerry: It was really tasteless. I
mean, I was thinking, it's one thing for a woman to lift her top up
in a bar. It's another thing to have a photograph of it plastered on
thousands of magazine covers with the word 'pig' over it for everyone
to see.”
Jennifer Eve: Like, the reality of it
is, the woman says, like what I say is, can we just hang out and have
a conversation at a pub, but do you mind if I get naked first,
because my body has this way of really stimulating my mind,
stimulating me intellectually, like all kinds of thoughts immediately
flow from my body into mind and I suddenly find my self capable of
the most stimulating, multi-faceted, intellectual conversation when
I'm sitting naked at a pub. I don't understand it, but that's just
how it is. Is that the dialectical law as a sex organ idea? The
laws and principles of philosophy are an intellectual sexual force
for the woman? A self-opposing, self- undermining,
self-contradicting dialectic? It happens. But the woman's body is
like this dialectical organism. It exudes erotophilosophy The
tempos and rhythms of my dialectic speech. The music of my body is
the music of my dialectical body. Michelit- he understands me. So
we synthesize the two so they're both endorsed as like you mutually
reinforcing
“And when I get naked in bars,
the social conversational atmosphere stimulates my dialectical
organism into even greater rhapsodies of intellection. Bars are
actually the best places for that. In fact, when I get naked in
bars, I feel like a social dynamo, like a Germaine de Stael, a naked
icon of culture and refinement and such verbal aphorisms that will
shake me through the earth.. Like, Eve was naked. It was totally her
thing. And she was the first philosopher. Because she sought for
the knowledge of good and evil. Of course, civilization went
downhill from there. Oh well, that's philosophy for you.”
... but everywhere, she went, Jennifer
Eve Tiamat carried along her copy of “Notes from Underground”,
poring through.. each word a truth echoing, pinging, ringing,
plucking against the depths of her being, her emotion chasm. She
clung the book to her physically- as to an anchor.. an anchor to
herself, a weight holding her to her ground, keeping her on her feet.
To another life, another age, a
time when scattered intellection swarmed the streets of St
Petersberg, like bugs and ants, crinkling and wrinkling and trickling
in bristling soul-itching through the atmosphere of the city- the
talking the breath of the souls of the city. An itching soul kept
her cohesion. An itch was an anchoring, solidifying sensation. It
kept a trail of curiousity as a sensation of tingling.. It was an age
in St. Petersberg when talking, talking, talking was the atmosphere,
the life breath, the life soul, life blood of the world occupied by
students like herself... human beings composed of scattered,
half-intellection... of frayed threads of thought-streams,
thought-floods... Dostoevsky's novels seemed to bottom out, to rest,
to anchor the bottom of her soul in the centre of another world, a
ghost world.. the ghosts of past-lives.. ghosts residing in their
pasts.. the past of more than a hundred years ago alive in ghosts..
the vision was as of whiteness.. in black and white and infinite
shades of grey... her soul dissolved into a mysterious whiteness..
white shapes.. the scattered, strayed threads of intellection were as
ghosts.. intellected ghosts.. as crystal-patterns of intellection..
each inducing a branch of the other, each inducing in fragmented
flickerings of intellection.. she kept her soul alive, flickering,
enflamed by talking, talking, talking.. One talked to prove one
existed. To produce, to have an external image of one's existence...
the talk patterns formed and spread about one.. talking non-stop as a
scattering of stones one could hop on one to the other.. constantly,
throwing, scattering stones before her...
The theme of ridicule was the
prominent theme with Dostoevsky, Jennifer Eve thought to herself. A
soul could be ridiculed out of existence, could be gutted,
undermined, redefined to its very roots and instructed by its very
own heart to a new, pernicious understanding of itself... And moral
ridicule was the most effective, absolute, truest kind..
morally-toned ridicule.. ridicule saturated with moral conviction and
strength.. with the truest instincts of justice. In fact, all
ridicule was morally toned, wasn't it? ,,. the very structure and
motive of ridicule was moral, was the most painful, truest of moral
... moral censure was the first principle and precept of
ridicule; mocking had its glow its power.. in its moral cause.. It
had moral motive as its seed... All mockery was the echo of the
refined reverberation of the call of justice. All justice purposed
itself for mockery
.. the thing in Dostoevsky...
sarcasm, mocking irony.. were... something.. self-mockery was the
single existing refuge of the quintessential Dostoevskian character..
a soul survived itself through self-mockery.. a soul processed itself
through.. self-mockery.. Jennifer Eve felt ridicule clasping all of
her flesh. She seemed inclined to make of herself a Dostoevskian
buffoon.. Red-hot giggling microbes inside her chest giggles bubbles.
Bubbles accumulating, agluttinating beneath her jaw... the insides
of her chest burning up with acceleratively agitative red burning
emotion stew.. fearstew.. a strange, narrow, fluid giggling stream..
swimming within herself.. fear giggles... a giggle stream of fear..
giggle bubbles welling up, accumulating inside her.
Why did fear always induce
giggling and eerie smiling? The connection was arcane, a secret
chemistry translation of unknown, conflicting ethics.. like
simultaneous theatre performances.. Within the deep, heavy depths of
her breast the fear that erupted a swimming facial sensation, a
muscular sensation, of smiles, of grinning.. the giggling was a sick
swimming smiling that was attempting to set itself on its feet,
attempting to balance.. would be thus harrowed to darkness, would be
tempted to look within itself, would be frightened and anxious of its
own luminescence.. the sun-rightness frightening her soul.. sun..
Hollywood blinding brightness... city of lights.. would imbalance its
way toward darkness.. by constant attempts at self-guiding, constant
self-manipulation, it would untangle, finger its path into
darkness... the light would frighten itself, frighten its way, its
shape and nature into darkness.. turn her inwards into darkness..
circus juggler.. clown.. everything inside her, she felt, rested on
an imbalance.. all of her in perpetual, teetering, self-manipulating,
self-juggling motion and agitation..
Two years ago.
Scene 1.
Eric's home.
Eric: “She left me, Kyle.”
Kyle: “Who left you? Jennifer, you
mean? She left you?”
Eric: “She just said, “I'm sorry,
Eric, there's nothing more”. It was so impersonal, apathetic, like
a message on a computer screen. I'm just sort of settling into the
realization. It's still- i dunno, I feel as if I'm in a dream. I
can't live without her- I mean, I was having trouble holding on,
regardless, and she was the only hope, the only substance of hope,
out of the nightmares, the only hope of any future, I had.. She was
going to fill me with something. With life, with creativity, with a
mind of my own. I can't think or feel without her. I know our
relationship had become distant and vague for a while. I was
assuming it was the ebb before some great future climax, that we were
both working tirelessly in the dark toward something toward a new
understanding of each other. And, instead, all the time, she was
somewhere else, I was becoming an indifferent matter to her,
something cumbersome she was burdened with. Something alien. I
don't know what I'm going to do at this point. I don't know what
'point' I'm at. It was all a fiction, the past few months, the past
few years, all my silent endeavours.”
Kyle: We'll let's try to regain our
bearings. There are other women out there for you.
Eric: “Not for me.”
Kyle: “Why not for you?”
Eric: “I can't approach one... I
can't- speak well. I can't hold up my end of a conversation. I've
lost the ability to be an intelligent conversationalist. It was
something I had at one point in some shape or form. But I've been
losing it slowly, over the years. I'm not an intelligent person.
Women like intelligent people.”
Kyle: “Well, I've always thought of
you as intelligent. We used to talk about all kinds of things..
literature.. psychology.. I'm not sure where you're getting the idea
you're not intelligent.”
Eric: “It's a fairly recent
realization. Or it's just, I haven't been reading much, lately.
Nothing I read means anything anymore. Like, she was supposed to
reawaken my passion for things. I was going to be able to see into
things again through her. Maybe I was thinking about her mostly as
someone I needed to use for something. Maybe I needed her too much.
Maybe the desperation threw her off. Maybe sh was scared away. Is
that it, when women get the sense that you're using them for therapy,
they get weirded out?
Kyle: Well, I guess I can't speak for
her. I'm thinking that whatever you've lost doesn't need to depend
on a woman to regain it. What do you mean that you were going to be
able to see into things again?
Eric: “I mean that, right now, I
can't empathize with anything. I can't feel for anything, look at a
thing from its own subjective perspective. I can't feel the
subjectivity of anything. Of things or people. I don't have a sense
of people as human, living presences around me”
Kyle: “Well, I'm here. Are you
saying that you can't feel my presence as we're talking? I don't
understand exactly”
Eric: “You don't have to understand.
It's hopeless.”
Kyle: “Well, it's not- look, do you
want me to call her up? Find out what her real situation is? Maybe
her perspective is something completely different from what you
imagine. Maybe there's some hope for at least a friendship between
you and her. Like, think in terms of being freinds with some rather
than being their lover.”
Eric: “That's okay. You don't have
to. I'm not sure if- like, I don't want to make her feel
uncomfortable.”
Kyle: “Well, she can stand feeling a
bit uncomfortable, I think , on behalf of you relationship. You
don't just walk away no questions asked from a lengthy relationship.”
Eric: “No, don't, that's okay. I
can't talk to her anymore. I can't approach her.”
Kyle: “I'll be talking to her, not
you.”
Eric: “No, but she'll be thinking I
had you call her. I can't.. have her thinking weird things about me
now... It's so different now.. I'm like a stranger to her.”
Kyle: “Well, we have to work on
that. At least, end the relationship on the basis of some kind of
reconciliation.”
Eric: “It's impossible. There is no
relationship! There never was!”
Kyle: “Calm down. Look, I'm sorry,
I am going to call her. I can't leave you like this. She can't
leave you like this.”
Eric: “Okay, sure, I'm just- okay.”
Scene2.
On the street in front of Eric's rented
apartment.
Eric: I've been trying to re-evaluate
Jennifer's and my relationship. I'm going to get her back. I think
this is a test. A test of my devotion. I was giving up too easily,
dismissing our relationship too readily. Just thinking about us
together gets me feeling active. I need to find out what our
relationship meant to her. I'm totally oblivious as to where she is
with us.”
Kyle: “Well, you're thinking in
terms of 'us” a bit quickly now. Maybe you both need to maintain a
bit of a separation.”
Eric: “What? I mean, you wanted us
to communicate, didn't you?”
Kyle: “I do. I'm just- let's be
realistic. There's a significant chasm between the two of you that
needs to be bridged. I mean, there are problems, obviously. We need
to look at the problems. You both don't know each other too well at
this point. It's a matter of meeting her all over again. There's a
whole process to acquainting yourself with a new person.”
Eric: “We're soul-mates, I'm
convinced of it. We just have to get back to where we were at some
point earlier. Before this darkness set in between the two of us.”
Kyle: “Well, even if you get
together you may end up reaching the same bad place. It's a matter
of taking this as a learning experience. What were the problems or
discordancies between you that came into effect as the relationship
progressed? Do they testify to fundamental differences between you?”
Eric: “We never had arguments. It
was like a perpetual discomfort. We would have strange conversations
where we both seemed to be talking out of synch with each other. I
mean, we wouldn't know how to relate the things we were saying. It's
like, one of us will say, 'I feel sad today', and the other will say,
'I don't know how to feel sad. I wish I could.' It like one
statement would cut off the meaning of the other. We were both in
our own worlds. But I think, deep down, it was the same world. It's
just, when you both occupy the same place, you find it almost
impossible to encounter each other there, like two parallel lines.
We need some kind of language we can both speak. In the form of some
common, superficial interest we haven't yet discovered.”
Kyle: “Well, maybe you don't want
someone too similar to yourself. I imagine if I met another 'me',
I'd be bored to death in his company.”
Eric: “But it was in fact like there
were these moments when she and I were the same person. Being with
her was like meeting myself in the future, seeing before me my own
will unhinged from myself. She was all my faculties of free will.”
Kyle: “Isn't that a rather drastic
statement?”
Eric: “Is it? Only around her did I
feel capable of giving birth to a future. She was a new world to
explore, a fresh and powerful personality to decipher and unravel.”
Kyle: “Yet, all that time you spent
together you remained strangers.”
Eric: “I suppose we did. I failed.
All that time, I never knew how to acquaint myself with her on a
superficial level, how to engage in surface delicacies. Sometimes, I
would almost feel like an intruder in her presence, like I had no
business knowing her as intimately as I did. Because I did know her.
I was her, sometimes. I felt her own inexplicability to herself.
But I only knew the roots of her being, all the buried parts of he.
That part of her exposed to the sunlight, all the flowering
possibilities of experience within her, I was denied access to. I
never befriended her.”
Kyle: “Maybe, you'll never be able
to.”
Eric: “I don't understand. You're
trying to discourage me. What about everything you were saying
before about confronting my problems and making the effort to
communicated with her?”
Kyle: “I know. I- you should,
you're right. I just don't want you to be disappointed. I mean, if
she doesn't end up being all you expect of her.”
Eric: “We- we used to be intimate.
I mean, on a spiritual level.”
Kyle: “Just- just prepare yourself
for some other possible... swerve of fate.”
Eric: “You seem much more anxious
about it than I.”
Kyle: “I'm just trying to be..
realistic.”
Eric: “Is there something you're not
telling me?”
Kyle: “Why are you asking that?”
Eric: “It's as if you've switched
into another person since the last time we talked. Like something
drastic has happened concerning Jennifer that you somehow know about
that has changed your whole mindset.”
Kyle: “I have no idea what's going
on with Jennifer.”
Eric: “Are you seeing her?”
Kyle: “What? No.”
Eric: “I never wanted you to call
her in the first place. I never wanted to be some weirdo
ex-boyfriend sending people after her, and now-”
Kyle: “I never even called her,
Eric.”
Eric: “It was my decision to make,
not yours, you calling her. I knew it would reflect on me, you see.
It was in a delicate place, the impression she had of me. And- I
don't get it. What's going on?”
Kyle: “I didn't call her. I never
talked to her even once.”
Eric: “You're lying to me. Why are
you lying? I've absorbed it. You're not helping me understand the
situation by denying it.”
Kyle: “I'm denying it because I
never called her.”
Eric: “Why is it so important to
insist that you didn't even call her? Why are you lying?”
Kyle: “Calm down, Eric.”
Eric: “What's going on with her?
You know something! What has she said about me? What changed your
mind? What's the big secret?”
Kyle: “You're getting hysterical.”
Eric: “You're keeping secrets from
me! You and Jennifer! You two conspiring against me?”
Kyle: “Eric, stop!
For a pause, Eric stands immobily,
silently, giving Kyle a steely stare. Then his look softens.
Eric: I'm sorry, Kyle. I'm really
sorry. (pause) I wanted to talk to you about something. Let's go
inside.
Eric and Kyle go inside Eric's
apartment. They sit down at a table.
Eric: “I
remember seeing a photograph on the internet of a young woman and she
was.. in an undressed state.. and she looked so.. sad.. it was
harrowing.. it was like The Girl in the Picture.. it made me feel
like an abuser just seeing it.. It reminded me of something I read
about a woman who was being kept in isolated confinement in a
mental
institution,
and she had no clothes on. And she would never talk. She was in a
prison of silence. And a psychiatrist named R. L Laing came to see
her and he took his own clothes off and sat beside her. And she
started talking to him. Just
a bit.
I mean, it's like the Holocaust.. it's like it never ended. I
mean, there's a painting by Courbet that really disturbs me. It's of
a very young girl. And she's undressed. And she looks so passive.
It's a sad image. And you feel like a predator just seeing the
image. I'm
not sure the painting was by Courbet.
But
you think of
pedophilic paintings by Picasso, and just about all the other
painters. And Renoir, he was one of the only painters who seemed
free of pedophilia, but there was a painting of a woman, who's naked,
that I really loved, but then I found out she was only eighteen when
she modelled for it. I mean, eighteen! That's way too young. She's
still a teenager.”
Kyle:
“I think it's very possible she was significantly older than
eighteen. They do that with naked women in photographs. They say
most of them are eighteen and I think there's even some
photo-shopping with these photographs to make them look even younger
than eighteen. I don't think they are eighteen. I think there's
something very sinister going on with it all.”
Eric:
“Other things, “The Janice Dickinson Agency”, MuchMusic
Spring Break, what I see.. in the mainstream media.. it's horrible..
so many times I see a woman coercing a man to take off his clothes?
And the man doesn't have the.... sense that the word “No” is a
response that belongs in his vocabulary. As a man, in any kind of
sexual encounter, he's supposed to do what the woman tells him to do.
I mean.. I myself, as a man watching it, feel like an abuser as a
witness to this.
Kyle:
I've felt a similar feeling.. of being an abuser as a witness.. in
respect to women.. who.. I mean, I remember seeing a video of a man
forcing a woman out of her clothes on the internet.. and I felt like
a participant in it.. seeing it.
Eric:
You saw that?
Kyle:
Yeah. Maybe it's not something you see in the mainstream media.
Eric:
“The whole thing is, I'm not denying the existence of horrific,
highly praised movies like “MASH”, where a woman is sexually
abused as some form of humour, or the old James Bond movie, “The
Living Daylights”, where a woman is sexually abused as part of the
normal course of the espionage genre. It's simply the epidemic-level
prevalence I find these days of men being sexually abused as
something portrayed as entertainment and as “normal”, and the man
has to smile and go along with it, on reality shows, in various
fictional media. It's the mainstream media thing...I just can't stop
thinking about what I've seen.. on reality shows that's been
portrayed as normal.. that there doesn't seem to be any channel of
dialogue in the actual mainstream media, on mainstream TV, as opposed
to non-mainstream media, personal videos posted on the internet, that
acknowledges that the idea of one's body belonging to oneself is
anything but a woman's prerogative.
“I
mean, I know of the horrific examples of 'sex videos' of famous women
released to the public where the woman is portrayed by the media as
having been a voluntarily participant, and that she herself is
actually a sordid individual consequentially. This seems to happen
to women who've already been vilified as being “bad examples”.
It seems like women who are sexually abused by the media are
vilified, whereas women in the media who sexually abuse men are
endorsed. There's a glorification or “entertainment value”
attached to the idea of women sexually coercing men, and the man has
to smile.. has to affect confidence.. to think that he must want it
because he's a man, and anything that purports to have something to
do with sex is something the man must want, whether he likes it or
not, as if the man not liking something is also something sexual and
something that expressed on the part of the man, something he's
expected to take an attitude of absolute passivity toward.. and go
along with it.
“I
mean, I can't even look at newspapers, because they have a sports
section, and sports is a pedophilic operation. Because young boys
who are just learning how to play baseball or football have no idea
that they're being prepared for an unvolitional porn career as
adults, to service predatory female sports journalists, sports
journalists who then brag about in books and articles and interviews
in 'Cosmopolitan', and are praised and fiercely, angrily defended by
vile, predatory men and women. I mean, you read about female sport
journalists waiting outside the showers as the men walk out, and
sometimes people film the men in the showers, and the male athletes
have no say in the matter. They can't sue for sexual harassment
because the law is against them. The law supports rape. Simply
because the athletes loved sports as kids. Someone wrote an article
in “The Wall Street Journal”, a newspaper without a sports
section, condemning the practice of female journalists in male
athlete's locker rooms, and an athlete was passing the article to a
friend in a locker room, and the Powers that Be heard it of it and
forbade him from doing that. The athletes are absolutely silenced,
like the locker rooms are prisons, torture chambers where your rights
over your own physical self are robbed from you, where any dissent is
silenced. I mean, there is no freedom of the press. It's a
contradiction in terms. Censoring the free exchange of information,
on the most basic level, simply passing a newspaper article to
someone else, is censured, in the name of protecting the press.
“I
mean, the media, I don't understand people in the media. Do they
represent what people are like in general? It's chilling how society
rallies around women who sexually mutilate women. I don't know how
the men who are victimized and re-victimized by this survive it, how
they survive society trying to pass the death sentence on them. I'm
just thinking of the terror, the absolute terror, of being sexually
mutilated.. and then. And you wonder if it's only an attitude of
people who represent this mocking attitude through the media, an
attitude of only media-people, whether the media is an instantaneous
form of demonic possession. Or whether this represents people's
attitudes outside the media as well. Are people actually like this?
Are human beings just monstrous demons in disguise?
“I
mean, I think of the scene in 'Kill Bill', when Uma Thurman's
character sexually abuses a young, teenage, Asian boy. The scene was
both pedophilic and racist. There's something about that movie that
doesn't make sense. I had one thought after seeing the first few
minutes of that movie, 'I think they just killed Uma Thurman'. And
they photoshopped and voice-overed or voice-synthesized her into the
rest of the movie. That's why her performance was so hollow, bland,
empty, lacking in any of the patented Uma Thurman charisma; she was
like a mannequin in that movie. Her performance was
computer-generated. Any movies she made after 'Kill Bill' might have
been previously filmed.
“I
mean, the sexual abuse of boys in media, in mainstream books, the
relentless pedophelia in the beginning of the book, “The Power of
One”... pedophilia in children's “entertainment”, shows like
“The Simpsons” and “Freaks and Geekz”, and movies like “The
little rascals” and “Now and then”, and for the presumed adult
pedophilic consumer, TV movies like “The Boys of St. Vincent, as
well as foreign movies like “Pelle the Conqueror” and “My
father's glory”... I just can't... I have trouble.. thinking about
it. (starts crying again) I can't.. I'm sorry.. I just can't.. I
mean, I've seen these shows, these movies, and it's like, Sartre
wrote that to see is to violate. And that's what I feel like, a
violator. Because I've seen children being violated, and just
watching it, I feel like a child-rapist.
I mean, the schools, the monstrous pedophilic schools, the
one's where they forced boys to swim in a state of complete undress.
I don't know how many of those schools there were. People who read
about it on forums on the internet, they laugh, at boys being
sexually abused in schools. These monsters laugh.”
Kyle:
“If you go by the kind of people who post on the internet, of
course you'll get the impression the average person in society is a
sadistic pedophile. The internet isn't reality. It's a disease.”
Eric:
“I
don't understand. I've met some of the best people on innocent
internet forums. Why weren't schools shut down permanently for this.
And maintained in collective memory as having been evil, pedophilic
institutions. Why was nobody prosecuted? Nobody went to jail for
it. It's insane. I mean, I'm a prison abolitinionist. I can't
believe I'm wishing people in prison! But this is just beyond the
pale. It's just, prison also is a pedophilic insitution. So, how
does it make sense to sense to send pedophiles to a pedophilic
institution in the name of 'justice'? I
mean, prisons.. I can't even think about prisons.. Walter Lippman has
written about them. Prisons are the reality of the present-day
holocaust. And Seymour
Bushe has written about children in Abu Ghraib. There's still no
mention of what happpenned to them..(pause)
There was a painting I
once saw in a book. It showed Jesus's mother sexually abusing her
baby son Jesus who was in state of undress; it was an image of
corporal punishment. The changed the virgin Mary into a sadistic,
pedophilic monster. (pause) I remember, I was looking for female
erotica on the internet, erotica notedly from the woman's
perspective, and one of the first things I found was a woman
describing herself and some friends of hers, when they were girls,
raping a young boy.. all intended as female erotica.
(pause) I
think Christina Ricci and Kate Winslet are two of the most
horrifically photoshop-video and electronically synthesized
voice-overed visually mangled and distorted women in history. A
visual editing and vocal falsification turned Christina Ricci into a
pedophile in “Now and then”. Satanic photovideoshopping turned
Kate Winslet into a pedophile in “The pianist”, “The pianist”
I think the movie was called, I don't have it in me to look it up. I
think she was going to be doing a movie about female nazis and the
movie was changed into horrific pedophilia. I believe Kate Winslet
is suicidal right now. So is Christina Ricci. (pause)
I am going to show you
three
websites. There are more
of their kind
but I'm going to just show you three of them.
I don't want to show them to you, because they
will make you sick inside. They may cause an epileptic seizure. But
they are websites that will show that there is a holocaust, a Shoah,
happening around us right now as we speak. Before our eyes, available
to be witnessed by anyone who scours the internet, to
be witenessed by...
children. They will show you that the Nazis won World War 2. And
they will also show you who the real Nazis historically were. One
site is the website of a
Satanic cult, which
involves, among many unspeakable depravities, a lot of pedophilia,
but the disease they
represent is not uncommon on the internet. The website is
called 'Visual sensations
for women'. And some of
the stories on that website, with horrifically
sexually victimized males,
I think there are also sexually victimized women who aren't mentioned
in the stories,
as is usual in respect to the absolute invisibility of sexual
victimization of women by other women.
The other website
is Topix Education forum, with the forum title 'nude boys swimming',
just like 'live nude girls' except servicing pedophiles, and just
about only pedophiles who approve of the practice seem to post on the
forum. I don't know why. The
last website
is named 'Mr. Poll'.”
Erik's journal
___________
Before Jennifer Eve Tiamat, I had a
dark romance with another Jennifer, a different Jennifer. She was
Jennifer. I didn't know her last name and she didn't know mine. We
were in a state of anonymity with each other.
And
Erik realized, he'd never wanted there to be any darkness, any deadly
seriousness to Jennifer's soul. Because she had to be happy, happy,
happy to redeem the world. She had to be an infinite multiplicity of
happy naked water nymphs of Jennifers to redeem the world. And
she could only be perpetually, wholly positive and happy and
weightless and unbound to any gravity any gravity of emotion,
soul-horror, self-violation self-evil, self-immolation. So that
whenever he remembered a child-raping, child-degrading,
child-dehumanizing thing on the internet that slimed his soul inside
out, Jennifer had to simply throw off her dress and walk around in
beautiful unaffected natural self-nature unaffected womanhood with
some carefree movement between a walk and a dance, but not one or the
other so it would be a transition between them and not stately and
regular or seductive or contoured or sinuous,. Uncontoured, he loves
her body-motion uncontoured. To by her carefree, natural,
unaffected naked woman-movements she would make his heart an
unaffected half-dance. Her light, unaffected movement would unaffect
his heart from all the affectations of soul-grime of dark
heart-weight, heart-mass. From all the heart-weight that was
affectation, architecture, tombs of heart-glooms. Affectations was
tomb. So the holocaust atrocities he could find no criminalization
of so he could easily solve it from his heart he needed the
Jennifers, the naked water nymph Eve-Jenniifers having- having, not
doing, “doing was wrong- their half-dance that would half-dance his
heart away from the child-horror, away from evil against children
that would immerse, like osmosis, into a passive quicksand of his
soul, for the lack of even one solid, dark, absolute authority of a
word that would criminalize it away from his passive quicksand heart
that filled his world with it, one word that was not firmly,
decisively negated by some rational, civilized pedophile that he knew
was a pedophile but could not in any emotion of feeling believe was a
pedophile because they talked so rationally because no pedophile
could talk about such a topic so rationally and normally because it
was such a normal thing to him that he could talk rationally and
intelligently about. Besides, the pedophiles were so polite to
women. In fact, they defended the women against anything that was
done to children. How dare you protect children against women. No
one should ever be against women under any circumstances, or even
utter a word of disapproval for anything against children they've
done..
Scene 3.
A cafe.
Jennifer: “Jerry, you're the only
one I feel I can talk too, sometimes. I mean, without putting on a
facade of self-composure. You're the only one to whom I feel I can
unleash myself in all my natural chaos. I feel I can be my natural,
clumsy, erratic, frazzled self before you.”
Jerry: “I didn't realize. I
actually- well, actually had something of the opposite impression. I
mean, I got the impression I brought out in you a guardedness and
reserve.”
Jennifer: “For real? That's what
I've seemed like? I wonder why? (pause) Well, I'm determined to be
as far from guarding myself as I can be from now on. You'll then be
the first to see the new me: uninhibited, unafraid, ready to confront
anything or anyone, purposefully exposed to all ingredients of danger
simmering and concocting in the angry, taunting brew of human
society.”
Jerry: “Well, I can't wait to get to
know this 'new you'. What will she tell me about her life, I wonder?
What untold adventures lie behind her enigmatic eyes?”
Jennifer: “What do you want to know
about me? I want to tell you everything. I want to tell you
everything about myself. All my joys, all my buried fears, all the
tremors of my conscience, all the uncertainty of my passions...”
Jerry: “What has stirred up this
resolution of candour within you, I wonder?”
Jennifer: “Oh, what? It's a secret.
Sorry.”
Jerry: “So there are to be secrets
between us.”
Jennifer: “Just this one. It's a
dangerous secret. We're being watched.”
Jerry: “Oh, are we? By whom?”
Jennifer: “No, not us. Him and me.”
Jerry: “Him?”
Jennifer: “Oh, I've let a piece of
the secret slip out. Yes, there's a him. That's all I can say. We
have to be careful.”
Jerry: “Do we? Under scrutiny, are
you. Who, a jealous wife?”
Jennifer: “Someone who will come at
us with a hatchet and murder us both if we don't keep our wits about
us.”
Jerry: “So, it's a dangerous game
you're playing.”
Jennifer: “Quite the game, yes.”
Jerry: “And you've made someone
angry.”
Jennifer: “Maybe. If I've been
indiscreet, I can't tell. I'm always under the gaze. How much it
sees I don't know. I have to be careful of every pulse of
introspection, of every newly flowering curiosity, every burst of new
life within me. All of it can be analyzed and traced to its source.”
Jerry: “You've lost me.”
Jennifer: “Yes, I lose everyone.. in
the end. But not this time. This time he will feel the seizure of
my soul and feel compassion for it. They will not recoil from me
this time. The craggy, hazardous terrain of my inward being will
cease to be an evil confusion of properties unrecognizable to
familiar humanity. I will tame the monster inside me.”
Jerry: “Monster?”
Jennifer: “The open sore always
exposed to his feverish vision. The bloody gash which severs me from
myself, which cuts me in twain. The seething abomination which grows
under scrutiny, which comes to know itself under an instructing eye.
He makes me know myself.”
Jerry: “Who does?”
Jennifer: “I can't tell, or I 'd be
struck down. Right here before you.”
Jerry: “Jennifer... are you okay?”
Jennifer: “I'm afraid.”
Jerry: “I-... do you want me to get
you some help?”
Jennifer: “Help? Whose help?”
Jerry: “People... people who care.”
Jennifer: “I.. I have to be a bit
careful about.. people who care.”
Jerry: “I think you're in pain. I'm
not sure if your new boyfriend is helping you.”
Jennifer: “He's my only hope. He
may not know it. But there's a destiny between us.”
Jerry: “Maybe you should take it a
bit easy with this new relationship.”
Jennifer: “I can't take it easy with
anything anymore. Things are coming to a head.”
Jerry: “Well, I think you should try
to slow down. With everything. Maybe I can find someone.”
Jennifer: “Someone? Kyle is my only
someone.”
Jerry: “Who's Kyle? Is that his
name? Is he the one hurting you?”
Jennifer: No! Nobody- nobody's
hurting me. It's just me.”
Jerry: “Somebody's making things
worse for you. Let me talk to him.”
Jennifer: “No! You don't even know
who he is.”
Jerry: “Maybe you don't know who he
is either. It doesn't sound like he's good for you. I'm not sure
if you're in a state of mind to judge it for yourself.”
Jennifer: “What am I incapable of
judging for myself? What's my state of mind? Only I know what I
need. Only I know who I should invite inside myself. Only I can
judge who is going to end up liking me. Out of all the thousands who
won't.”
Jerry: “Is that all it depends on-
that they like you? Is that such a daunting likelihood? You have no
other criteria- just that they like you?”
Scene 4.
Kyle: “Hi, Jennifer. I'm glad to
see you.”
Jennifer: “Thanks for calling me.”
Kyle: “If felt like I'd been a bit
brusque in terminating our last meeting.”
Jennifer: “That's okay. I
understand. The powerful feelings between us are scary to
experience.”
Kyle: “Right. Uh, I'm sorry for
getting all upset the way I did.”
Jennifer: (distantly) That's okay...
That's... Kyle, do you trust me?”
Kyle: “Trust you? Uh.. I see no
reason not to..”
Jennifer: (pause) I'm afraid, Kyle,
that when I come to know you well, I'll betray you. I'm not sure
how. I'm not sure if I'll sense it myself. It will happen maybe
without my knowing it. It'll feel too natural to me for me to sense
it. Because I see people strangely- like passive, will-less
machines. People have no will of their own to me. They don't react
to me. I have my way with them. I use them up. Then they
disappear. Just fade away.. like melting snowflakes. I wonder if I
hurt them without feeling it. I don't know. What do you feel right
now, Kyle? You stand before me like a ghost. I can't sense your
emotions. What are they?”
Kyle: “Well, I'm feeling..
concerned.. for you..”
Jennifer: “Is that what they all
feel for me- concerned? How far do I drag them down? How terrible
will this concern for me become for you? Will it enchain you along
with me, bury you along with me? Will I doom you?”
Kyle: “I've never had any girl ask
me these questions. Why are you so afraid of yourself? What
horrible thing will you do to me?”
Jennifer: “I don't know.. if I will
know. I hurt people. I never know how. When I'm with someone, I
only feel like I'm talking with myself, that I'm talking through him,
that he's there only to help complete a circuit to myself, that he
exists only to facilitate my knowledge of myself. He isn't with me
for himself. He's there as my reach into myself.”
Kyle: “Well, if I can help you know
yourself better, I don't mind that. Especially if it's to like
yourself better.”
Jennifer: “You say that now. What
will it be after a period of feeling me drag on your heart, and of
feeling me burn you with the waking nightmares I perform by day. You
don't know me.”
Kyle: “What nightmares? There's
been nothing nightmarish about my acquaintanceship with you.”
Jennifer: “You haven't.. known me
long.”
Kyle: “I want to know you fora long
time. I want to know you better. I do.”
Jennifer: (pause) Will you stand by
me... through it all? You won't disappear?”
Kyle: “I'm not going anywhere.”
Jennifer: “I need to know.. that you
won't end up running away in terror. Deep beneath their discreet
silences and polite composures, I feel that is happening.”
Kyle: “I don't scare easy.”
Jennifer: “I don't know.. if you
believe.. your words.”
Kyle: “I believe in you. You'll
pull me through. You're a positive force to me.”
Jennifer: “I- want to be that.”
Hanno's journal
_____________
Loki felt to many of the Aesir as
a giant in their midst. Someone too large for their little society..
“The cloud stupefies his
ravenous, bursting impulses..”
“Loki lives in a world of
falsities. All people about him are false to him, are to him false
principles.. He rests himself upon the falseness of others. All the
strenuous exertions of Loki- it is as if all of ourselves, our
society, are but stringent, straining chords, binding him but barely,
their strength gradually breaking and withering by his exertions to
break through.. all of our stupefying society, our stupefying cloud,
are the chords binding him..”
Loki wove dreams for
actors. He formulated and conceptualized the ambition of the actor.
By his special weaving will people took it into their head to become
actors. Actors sought a hopelessly refined form of communication,
sought perfect, refined personages through which to communicate,
sought all form's, all levels, of social status for themselves. To
become an actor was an attempt to break free of one's allotted class,
to play all classes, all levels of personages. As an actor one
translated oneself to social classes and strata. As an actor, one
translated oneself to society, society was the lens through which one
wove oneself. One sought within society for one's home, as an actor.
An actor plunges within society..
One's intonation of a word was
determined by its place in the whole essay, rather than in the
sentence. The intonation made sense to itself within the context of
a page of writing. The whole essay shaped the particular
intonation.. the intonation echoed across the whole essay, rebounded
against its wall and limits. Was there any treasure in Loki's speech?
Loki assumed all
things to be conscious of their own perversion. Loki awoke eerie
voices within Artemis. She felt herself enhancing a crumbling within
herself into endless horrific laughter.. a horrific rocking,
tempestuous ocean of laughter... Did laughter induce the sensation
within oneself of gravity? One's compulsion to laughter was one's
compulsion to darken oneself.. to make oneself deeper than sight..
buried to vision..
The familiar guidance of Loki's
excruciating, painstaking inwardness.. All about herself Artemis
sensed his familiar inward perambulations and seekings.. Was
Artemis, like Idun, being compressed within Loki's inwardness..
compressed into an embryonic demon.. becoming the embryonic form and
nature of a demonic being..
“Some of the Aesir
discern that Loki perceives their roots.. roots of themselves which
burrow where they cannot sense..the trickery of his mind is honed to
the sensibility of their root workings.. they wonder at what point
they will be made a commodity of one of Loki's bargains by his
special knowledge of their particular, precise internal properties..
The Aesir feel inadequate to his presence.. they wish to be what he
needs them to be.. they wish to meet his measure.. to be the precise
weight of self-consciousness he assumes of them. Self-consciousness
is a weight, you see.. One becomes heavier the more conscious of
oneself one becomes. They thus seek their own inner root workings..
all the mangled roots of Yggdrassl.. They feel by not being up to
the standard of refinement and sophistication of his image of them
that they deceive him.”
Freyja felt often that
she needed to be more to Loki than she was. That there was a
sophistication lacking to her.. that there was much as yet to
interpret of her Vanir-consciousness, the fundamental uncertainty to
her existence amidst the Aesir...
Freyja felt in fights of ecstatic
fancy she making herself the most precious jewel to Loki. She would
be the most sophisticated jewel of his knowledge of esoterica. Would
she make herself as much of a hostage of Loki's soul as the giants
were as such predisposed to make of her? She imagined sometimes in
moments of perverse fancy that all the giants were working for Loki..
that he was secretly arranging all their ambitious designs for he
capture.. that he was the mastermind of the giants..Would she have
been escorted to him on one of those occasions of her intended
capture.. as he sat in a dark, rocky, bejewelled throne?
And.. and.. he seemed to be
becoming more of stranger to the Aesir with each passing day.. He was
someone she was the more imagining as someone distant from her
familiar haunts and secret abodes. He seemed to be descending within
himself. In his personal company, it had come to feel she was
occupying a strange land.. a landscape of gloomy depths and
wastelands, almost similar to the distant vision of the gloomy, foggy
breadths inhabited by the craftsman who had built their fortress and
had wished to claim her soul for its consummation. Was his bargain
somehow coming to achieving its prearranged culmination after all?
Had the terms of the contract been set in inexorable mechanations to
be achieved one way or another.. engraven as they were in unwaverable
stone. Had Loki enwoven himself within the engraven contract by
effectively breaking it for her benefit? Had he woven his soul
within the contract, made it is new commodity of exchange, the new
weight to replace the old one he'd undone? He'd become to her an
image of thick swarms of grey fogs. Had he been taken instead of
her? She saw in his eyes the sense that something had been claimed
of his soul.. that his dubious, convoluted manipulations of contracts
had worn on his soul... All Loki's contracts with people were
premised on the future. Loki's inwardness could just barely save as
it could doom. Loki outwitted the giants to maintain his stronghold
within the Aesir, and that stronghold seemed to have become a prison.
Commerce to Loki was a prison within which only he could operate.
Freyja spoke with enhancingly
harrowed sadness, “Loki now exists solely for the preservation of
our fortress. He is the image of the culmination of our contract.
He's become the image of the contract, of its grim specificities.
He's disappearing into the fog-enwrapped land of the giants.”
His image was becoming greyer and
greyer before her.. as of the texture of immutable rock. All was
being seized to the condition of his isolation. All was being
engraven to Loki's will.,
“Did I imprison him?, said
Freyja with tear-stricken horror, “... like a Vanir.. as the other
Vanir had imprisoned Mimir I've imprisoned Loki..”
Scene:
Eric is sitting at a table at a dimly
lit cafe. He is speaking into a tape recorder.
Erik: “I remember being horrified
when I read Winona Ryder calling Joyce Maynard a fucking bitch. That
was it, my Winona crush was over. And then I read an article in
which Joyce Maynard was describing Bill Clinton like he was a sexual
predator and I thought maybe Winona has a point. (pause) See, okay,
what was so wrong about Mel Gibson calling Winona Ryder an “oven
dodger”. There are much worse you could call Winona Ryder. And
people have. (pause) Okay, the scene in Spider-man 3 when Gwen
Stacy is dangling from a Building and Topher Grace stops to have
conversation with Captain Stacey is one of the funniest things I've
ever seen. Like, “Oh, Spider-man will save her. Oh, by the way
I'm her boyfriend. Let's be pals”. Anyone who says that movie
wasn't the best of the series is out of their minds. See, I don't
think it was so cool in the comics for Gwen Stacey to do that wiplash
thing with her neck while she was plummeting to her death. (longer
pause) One of the coolest things ever written on the internet was
when Harry Knowles wrote that Neo in “Matrix: Reloaded” was Osama
Bin Laden. Finally, Harry Knowles gets some of his own words on that
fucking website which was hacked and stolen from him. It was why
they assassinated him. I believe Osama Bin Laden was not guilty,
well, I don't care if he was guilty, we still needed him on our side.
'Now, matters are worse'. (pause) In the comic book miniseries,
'Justice', about the Justice League, Giganta was Clayface. And I
think she was meant to be the Clayface of that dreadful Clayface vs.
“Poison Ivy” story. And I mean “Poison Ivy” in quotation
marks. (pause) Okay, so it was cool, women were calling each other
“bitch” back and forth ping-pong bitch diplomacy style and it was
making women feel safe about the word, so they called a feminist
magazine “Bitch” to take care of that. But I cannot belabour the
point to much about feminism, I mean, to state the obvious, I mean to
call a feminist publication “Bitch”- you can't get more obvious
than that. (pause) I remember the “Amazing Heroes” issue where
they were saying that when superheroes and superhero teams meet each
other they are perfect gentlemen and gentlewomen to each other and
“Amazing Heroes” thought it was a riot.”
Erik's old high-school friend Mike
appears, Star Trek teleportation style from the spectral realm.
Mike: “It's me, Mike. I'm still
just Mike. I'm not Michael. I've never throughout my high school
career and afterwards been called Michael. I would die before I was
called Michael- oh, wait. (pause) Okay, I'm going to give you some
information from the secret Illuminati files. There were two Spencer
Tracy's. It makes no sense that one man would age and Katherine
Hepburn wouldn't.”
Eric: “Hi, Mike, I could use some
advice. The thing is, I'm writing Artemis in my novel. And I'm
writing Renoir's naked Artemis, because I think it's important. I
think he had access to Greek texts and art that isn't available
anymore. It's just that, if there's ever a movie made of my novel,
an actress being naked in the screenplay- I'm horrified at the
thought of being a male Janice Dickinson. I'm just thinking, if
Artemis could be played by a porn star, it's like, it could open
channel which are iron-gated right now to porn actress being
Hollywood movie stars, but I'm still wondering if it's appropriate to
suggest even to a porn star that she be naked in a movie. I mean,
the word 'suggest' is horrible. It seems like the woman herself
should be the only one to bring the subject up. Maybe, a movie of my
novel should be animated, at least in part.”
Mike: “I absolutely don't think
there's anything wrong with a woman being naked in a movie if she's a
porn star.”
Roger Ebert wanders in, reading a copy
of Sartre's “Being and Nothingness”.
Roger Ebert: “Sartre, Sartre, nothing
but fucking Sartre. I can't figure this shit out. I used to write
screenplays, I should be able to read this. He's some sort of
genius, I think.”
Erik: “Hi, Ebert, there was one
thing I was hoping you could explain to me about Scorcese's “The
Age of Innocence”. Winona Ryder was doing the cleavage thing she
does so well in the beginning of the movie, and that's in the book.
May Welland had cleavage in the book. But then a reviewer whose
name I can't remember said something a bit odd. He talked about how
one of the more seductive occasions of on-screen nudity in “The Age
of Innocence” was when Newland Archer lifts up a bit of Countess
Olenska's sleeve off her wrist.
Roger Ebert: I have no answer. The
commercial success of that movie mystifies me.
Eric: It's just, I think that the
Merchant-Ivory team and the made their disaster-movie “The Golden
Bowl” as a result, which I don't think was the movie they wanted to
make. The whole point of that movie was to show that their was a lot
of free love in that era of England, they wanted to show it was like
a hippie commune.” Remember, Edith Wharton was passionate about
Walt Whitman's “Leaves of Grass”, which was as anti-etiquette a
book as you could get. I think she read that book more than a 100
times.”
Erik opens his notebook. He looks at
a page of some old writing of his from ten years ago. It has one
sentence on it.
“Kate
Moss is fat.”
Erik: “Why the hell did I write
that? Irony has to have some context that isn't from mars!”
Erik calms down. He opens the notebook
to a blank page and starts writing. Then something takes control of
his hand as he writes. He is channelling the spirit realm. He
writes:
“Ulysses
was....
too much
of.. a .. bother.......
.............
............
not...
for..
FUCKING..
HENRY... JAMES....!”
The phantom of Henry James appears.
Henry James: “I just have a couple
of comments to make so I'll be uncharacteristically brief. See, I
just wanted to comment on Edith Wharton. She had read 'The Golden
Bowl' and she felt it wasn't clear enough that Maggie Verver was a
supporting character. So she wrote 'The Age of Innocence'. And what
mattered most to her for me to mention was she also believed
pregnancy was one of the most villainous elements of the feminine
nature. That's all I have to say at the time, Illuminati protocol
and all. We will meet again, hopefully with Edith as well.”
James Joyce: Don't worry about the
visual description in your novel, Eric. There's very little visual
description in Ulysses. It's mostly dialogue and dialogue as thought
processes.
Marcel Proust: There's very little
visual description in “Remembrance of thing past”. Very little.
Henry James: There's very little
visual description in “The Golden Bowl. It's mostly cerebration,
and some dialogue once in a while. Mostly cerebration, intellection.
Roger Ebert: Intellection! I like
that word. I'm going to write it down. Intellection. How do you
spell that?
Roger Ebert gives up, and walks off to
get a phantom coffee. So does Mike. Eric starts talking into his
tape recorder again.
Erik: There's something about Henry
Jame's “The Ambassadors” that bothers me. I think it was
drasticly re-edited without his permission. That scene, where
Strether is regaling Chad with abuse, and Chad just is an absolute
gentleman about it. I don't think he meant Chad to be that much of a
gentleman. No one is that much of a gentleman. I think in the
original Jamesian novel Chad tells Strether to fuck off. After all,
Henry Miller didn't live that long after Henry James, not long enough
to make that much of a difference in language.”
Mike comes back.
Mike: “Okay, I talked to a recently
deceased Hollywood producer who had talked to Mel Gibson about the
oven-dodger comment. Mel said he said it but didn't mean anything by
it. It was just a manifestation of his his comical death-wish.
Here's the thing about Mel Gibson. He's alive and is going to remain
so. He's not going to commit suicide. He's tried it and failed
repeatedly.”
Dead Hollywood producer: “There's
something about dying and going to heaven. It makes you hate Winona
Ryder. Just ask Brittany Murphy.”
Erik: “See, I think there's
something really dark about Winona Ryder. She once said she was
happy she had the power to predict plane crashes that killed lots of
people. Not to prevent them, just to predict them. And when she
once said she found Ralph Fiennes really attractive in “Shindler's
List”. I don't think that was the impression he was going for.”
Mike: “Speaking about darkness and
death, back during high-school, when we were role-playing that game
with zombies. And one of the imaginary women- she's here, she's
fine- when the zombies put her into a funeral casket and took her
away and we were saying that she never got a funeral and you said she
sort of had and I said that was black I felt bad because you were
just stating the obvious. The thing is, the zombies were actually
trying to protect her. From us, I think.”
Erik: Where's Ebert.
Mike: He's still waiting for his
coffee.
Eric: “See, what was subversive
about Roger Ebert is he said things like that he didn't like
'Porky's' because the scene of being caught naked in public was given
to a man instead of, as he said was usual in movies, to a woman, and
he said that was one of the main reasons the movie 'Porky's' hated
women.”
Roger Ebert comes back, sits down.
Roger Ebert: “Okay, this is
important. I talked to Andrew Garfield. And he said felt terrible
about the whole car-thief scene in “The so-called Amazing
Spider-man”. He was told to improvise and he couldn't come up with
anything so he just made sounds. And it was he felt he was geeky in
the movie, and okay, he's playing Peter Parker, but he was also
playing Spider-man as a geek.”
Erik: “Andrew Garfield should play
another villain in a movie, just a bit more subdued and restrained
than the one he played in 'The Amazing Spider-man', like Alan Rickman
in 'Die Hard' or Billy Zane in 'Titanic'. See, there was something
that was so awesome about Billy Zane in it. The scene where he picks
up a random child and tells people 'I've got a child! I've got a
child! She's all I have left'. And he gets off the ship. I mean, I
never would have thought of that.”
Dead Hollywood producer: “One of the
biggest-kept secrets in Hollywood was that after 'Titanic' there was
a Billy Zane-mania that was even bigger than Decaprio-mania.”
Speaking of Hollywood villains, the
Heaven-based parallel reality version of Tzipi Livni appears.
Parellel-reality Tzipi Livni: “I
think you were right about the Tzipi Livni of your reality, Erik. I
don't think she's an evil woman. I think she makes homicidal
comments on purpose. There is something so horrific going on in
Israel that is being kept closed from all public eyes.”
After these cryptic statements, the
parallel-reality Tzipi Livni evaporates.
Brittany Murphy appears from the air,
like a willo-the whisp. She silently, like Banquo's ghost, walks to
the table, they're sitting at, sits down, and doesn't talk for a
signifanct time, and then finally speaks.
Brittany Murphy: “If Winona Ryder
does not hate herself then she's an asshole.”
Erik: “I'm going to include that in
my novel but I doubt Winona Ryder will ever date me after it's
published.”
Brittany Murphy: “She will! She
will! She likes all this shit. Honest!”
Polly Klaas appears
Polly Klaas: “See, Erik, I was very
happy to find out that Winona Ryder was going to be naked in “Little
Women”, then I found out she was being sarcastic. Bummer.”
Polly Klaas, having said her piece,
disappears.
Roger Ebert: “Harry Knowles. Ah, my
best friend, not Gene Siskel, Harry Knowles, there was something
about Harry Knowles that was so awesome on the show. What was it- oh
yeah, he stole from the Oscars, that's why I didn't hire him. I
reminisce about Oscar-night. Angelina Jolie and her brother.
Angelina Jolie really liked those rumours about her and her brother.
That's why she was reading them out loud with a fine-toothed comb on
Jay Leno. That's why she's was kissing her brother on a magazine
cover- why she was french-kissing her brother on a magazine cover.
(pause) I should have done a show with Pauline Kael. When Pauline
Kael gave 'Batman' a positive review, which I didn't, it was amazing.
She never thought that would get through.”
Erik: “I never expected Pauline Kael
to give Batman a positive review. To actually say it was a terrific
movie.”
Roger Ebert: “I know. I mean, John
Simon was furious when he read it. He said she was gonna blow the
whole racket. So he killed her.”
Mike: “See, Erik, in high school, I
was against the death-penalty and I knew you were too. I knew you
were just playing devils-advocate. Joel, well, he liked killing in
general so he was in favour of the death-penalty.”
Erik: “See, that's what bothers me
about myself. I wasn't entirely against the death-penalty. I was
against abortion, and that was unpopular. So, I just felt, if I had
to be in favour of abortion, it made no sense for me not to be in
favour of the death-penalty. To be against life in general.”
Mike: “Right now, the talkbackers on
Ain't it Cool news are trying to pass the death-penalty on Harry
Knowleds. They're demonically possessed, like the Manson cult,but
they're not actually that bad otherwise. They may even like your
novel.”
Naked women angels from Heaven appear,
the Illuminati women.
Illuminati women: “Speaking of
demonic possession and the Manson cult, the thing about feminists is,
we feel bad when we keep on saying “fucking bitches” over and
over again because we feel like bullies; it's like we know the
fucking bitches are actually overpoweringly powerful, brave,
courageous, self-possessed women.”
Roger Ebert: “See, they really are
fearless. Self-preservation is no kind of a principle. They're
working for a higher ideology than themselves- feminism. That's what
Joel Silver told me, 'Wonder Woman is not a feminist, fuck that shit!
She flies around in lingerie, what kind of a fucking feminist is
that? Enough already!' And George Perez drew her naked in the
comics. Feminist, like shit!' Joel Silver talks like that. He
swears a lot.”
- end scene -
Hanno's journal
_____________
I've got my naked goddess Athena.
My naked female spy. My naked female spy who went underground to
plot her political internationally geopolitical orchestrations with
her cunningly naked female body which she orchestrates into naked enf
desirings toward political nakedly female as only a naked female can
be self-serving for her own female nudity in public orchestrations of
her own naked body caught naked in the centre of her own
orchestrations which repeatedly mishap her naked body into the public
eye.. for political purposes which she forgot... but will remember
as soon as she has attained her nakedness in her own circumstances..
her own complications which always render her motives naked to
herself and others so she can remember them and and checkmate herself
forward into another board, another political chess board of another
political international scale of orchestration where she can
checkmate herself into nakedness again in the public political arena
and advance upward naked in self-serving political nakedness of the
female form on an escalator to be an ever more powerfully naked
female player in the political scheme of public inquiry and naked
bodyrole of naked female bitchery of woman who wants to be naked for
selfservingly nudewoman femaleveins of self-serving masturbatory
serving her nakedwomangoddess naked athena self on a nudesilver
platter to be a nudeminerva for public male consumption. Naked
athena uses mental memory memoryfemanaked signals and femininakey
cues to signal her own naked memory in the nick of time of her own
naked body in public media to ulterior in her selfnaked consciousness
of of purposed her naked body to naked body-consciousness to naked
self-consciousness of political espionagenakedwoman to her own
selfserving toward her own naked war for her publicly naked female
body to espionage diplomatic negotiation for sellin' her favours for
her own naked exhibition for political leverage for her naked
hijinking through her naked dancing through catastrophes which are
heartbeat signals and emotional naked cues for her orchestration of
her next checkmating into herown bodying into political and personal
nakedness for personal and political gains of her ne'r do well
desires for public recognition as a political machiavel who serves
her vanity rather than the common good 'cause she forgot.
“Hmh”, Hanno reading his Athena
naked female spy writing, “Maybe, I didn't use the word 'naked'
enough'”
Illuminati women: “No, you did! You
did! Don't worry!”
Scene:
Eric is still sitting at the same cafe,
talking to his friends from the parallel reality Heaven.
Roger Ebert: “See, what bothers me
about Hollywood, is that that woman, that villainess, in 'Super Mario
Bros.', was naked in a bathtub with Dennis Hopper and they fried her
into a decaying corpse for that because it was a children's movie.”
Former “Big Brother” contestent:
“Will Kirby is meant to be with us but he's not. The reason he's
not with us, he's Will. They've tried to kill him over and over
again but they'll never succeed.”
Mike: “Okay, Eric, this is bothering
me. I want you to be able to trust us when we say we're the real
people who died and are now in Heaven. And when former reality star
contestants of 'Big Brother' start saying they're in Heaven you know
someone is lying.”
John Simon: “Sorry, guys, I died.
They'll never report it just out of spite. I committed suicide to
encourage other film critics to do the same. It's just me. I never
realized I could have just played a baddie in a movie. I could have
been Alan Rickman. I could have been just a crook. Some of the kids
in Heaven are reading Normon Wilner's reading review of “Die Hard”,
and, I mean, they know that Bruce Willis is still cooler than Alan
Rickman, but they still like it. (pause) See, I only read Batman
comics when I was a kid, and when I was writing the review of the
movie, I kept on wondering, why I am I not giving this a positive
review? I mean, I wrote that the Batman movie had only two good
scenes and neither one had Batman in it. I mean, I wrote I liked the
scene where the Joker trashes the museum because it was me working
through my elitist self-hatred, but Roger Ebert despised that scene
so at least there was something good about my review. See, I gave
'Star Wars' a positive review, so I was better than Stanley Kauffman.
But mostly, I was worse. I wanted to say more about 'Star Wars',
that it was a great movie for kids, but only for kids, not for adults
like me.”
Roger Ebert: “Pauline Kael should
have done a show with John Simon. Like.. “Kael and Simon”.. or
“Simon and Kael”.. wait.. Simon Cowell.. that says it all.”
Brittany Murphy: “Wait, we could
have done 'Murphy and Ryder' or 'Ryder and Murphy' and could just
have been about fighting and nothing else.. just a Hollywood
catharsis. That's the thing, Winona hates Gwyneth, she hated me, she
hates blond people because they look like Heathers and then she lied
and claimed she was a natural blond just to pour salt in our wounds.
She's just like that. I mean when she said she was a blond everyone
thought it was a riot but she took it so seriously because she's a
closet Heather that she now thinks its true and I'm kind of scared
for her. The thing is, Timothy Leary has also adopted me as his
other goddaughter so Winona and me are kind of related so we're in it
for life. Boy, I'm having this weird feeling, I'm beginning to feel
like a Gwyneth-hater. Remember those? I mean, Winona and I are
like Goneral and Regan: 'if the poison doesn't work, I'll never trust
medicine.' Sisters are always supposed to hate each other. I think
the earth would split apart and devour the whole human population if
that was ever not the case.”
Stanislavski: “See, the inveterate
conflict between females is something that has always needed cultural
documentation. Originally, Goneral and Regan were lovers, not
sisters.”
Brittany Murphy: “Yeah, Winona tried
that with me once. She made sure the paparazzi was there and
everything but I wasn't having any of it. Oh my God, I can't handle
this horrible dry vocal delivery I'm doing. It's worse than my
acting in 'Just married'.”
Roger Ebert: “The comical thing is
Winona's forte too. She pretended to be a documentarian in 'Reality
Bites'. That was a great comical performance. She invented
shaky-cam. (pause) See, Erik, speaking of comical performances, it's
like, when Siskel and I were doing things like praising 'Fargo', it
was like the scene in 'Hamlet' when Hamlet refrains from killing his
uncle, saying he wants to make sure his uncle's soul goes to hell
when he kills him, “that his soul be as pitch and black as hell,
whereto it goes”, and he doesn't mean a word of it, it's just a
verbal autopoesis, and that was what it was like with me and Siskel
and then Roeper and me. We were just talking with enormous
conviction things we weren't even conscious of. That whole blank,
'bestial oblivion' that Hamlet is undergoing when he's speaking his
brilliant dialectic, like on autopilot. We were on autopilot.
(pause) See, 'The Apprentice', that was the real Enron. That show
was just so vicious. Caroline quit because she became sick of it.”
Illuminati women: “No.. no.. we can't
say that.. we just can't..”
Roger Ebert: “Irony is lost on
women.”
Mike: “Don't worry about Winona,
Eric, all the nasty comments about her are coming from Brittany
Murphy, so that's okay, because she's a lovely person.”
Brittany Murphy: “That's the whole
thing, Winona kept on doing this thing, 'I'm so emotional and
sensitive and frail and weak-willed in movies and pathetic', blah,
blah, blah, and she hated the whole media image that was being
manufactured about her and the comments that were being attributed to
her and the voice-overs, but she was fuelling it with those comments,
she was like she was 'little girl lost' and Drew Barrymore already
wrote the book on that. I'm crying for Winona now, because of all
the stuff I'm saying... boohoohoohoo...”
Roger Ebert: (reading his book)“...
stupid, fucking Sartre.. wait, Erik, I'm good friends with Sartre but
I'm good friends with Siskel too. (puts the book down and starts
reading off his phantom labtop) See, there's a Harry Knowles legacy.
There are many Harry Knowles. And Harry Knowles the first died,
assassinated. And he just wrote a review of the movie of 'Chicago'.
It was just one word: 'Bad'. (pause) I'm just reading my 'MASH'
review! It's the worse thing ever written! What did I write? That
if they rape her its because they want her to feel her humanity? I
know it was me playing the villain, but even Richard III had some
restraint. See, Eric, you didn't like my 'MASH' review and neither
did I but Sally Kellerman read it and thought it was hilarious, much
funnier than the movie, which admittedly isn't saying much.”
A ready and armed Kipland Kinkel
bombasts on to the scene.
Kipland Kinkel: “Sorry, guys, I died
in prison. Okay, I'll explain why I snapped and shot up a school.
It was something to do with China. No, sorry, it was that fucking
Romeo and Juliet movie. No, sorry, it wasn't that. It was the
fucking gun-control laws that drove me insane just like they did
Charlton Heston and Wendy McElroy. Okay, no, it was 'Jeapordy'. My
parents loved that show and they wouldn't fucking turn it off. So I
did. Okay, I'll stop trying to talk like Spider-man, I mean the
despicable Peter David version. Okay, reasons- there are no reasons.
Who needs reasons when you have guns. Wait, Eric, I'm still trying
to get my point across. I didn't really like what I did. That's
important. This is terrible, I'm living up to my reputation on the
net, which I loathed.”
Roger Ebert: “Wait, Eric, the whole
snappy-patter was important with Spider-man. What was important
about it with him is that he never knew when to shut up.”
Kipland Kinkel: “Wait, are we
turning into Mr. Testy Moral here, Roger Ebert, Mr. “I think I'll
endorse rape today in my 'MASH' review.”
Roger Ebert: “No, sorry, what I
meant was, I think this unrepentant Kipland Kinkel is going to really
fly well with people, because the remorseful one sure didn't. This
is what Anthony Burgess wanted to do with “A Clockwork Orange”
before Stanley Kubrick fucked it up. I really hated that movie.”
Kipland Kinkel: “No, wait, I really
am repentant, I really am- I can't, I can't say that with a straight
face.”
Brittany Murphy: “I just can't
handle the whole “boohoohoo” thing I was doing. I'm going to be a
more beloved person than Kipland Kinkel when this book comes out.
No, I'm just kidding, obviously. No one is cooler than Kip.”
Nicholas Colasanto, formerly “Coach”
on the sitcom“Cheers”, appears.
Nicholas Colasanto: “Hi, guys,
remember me from Cheers? NORM! I mean, CHOACH- I mean, never mind.
(pause) See, Diane was the heart and soul of that show. After she
left, she show stayed strong for one season and then immediately
committed collective suicide Jonestown Cheers-gang style. It was
because of Rebecca. They were following her example of portraying a
businesswoman. She should have gone on 'The Apprentice', then the
next ten seasons of it could have been goofy fun instead of a serious
study of business mores and values. The show would have brought a
successful culmination to Kirstie Alley's decade-long quest of
bringing an undignified end to the phenomenon of businesswomen in
America, again, Jonestown-style. Sorry, Heaven brings out the dry
wit in me I never succombed to on the show. I never talked like this
on the show! Diana always elevated the dialogue with her natural
integrity common to all women except those in business, at least
those who choose to promote the fact on 'The Apprentice'.”
Henry Cavill materializes.
Henry Cavill: “Sorry, guys, I died.
I committed suicide after 'Man of Steel' because of the underwhelming
box-office returns. Now they'll photoshop me into the next movie
with Ben Affleck it'll probably make a billion dollars, twice as the
much as the original, because it'll have twice the star-power, why
they put Batman and Superman in the same fucking movie. Ben Affleck
knows what's going on and the only thing keeping him alive is the
petition to stop him from being Batman. I mean,'The Avengers', don't
get me started on 'The Avenger'. It was a flop. It's success was
completely media-fabricated. Audiences knew it was shit. When the
villain is the best thing in the movie you know something's wrong.”
Roger Ebert: “Faora in “Man of
Steel” was terrifying. She underplayed the role just like Al
Pacino in 'The Godfather'”
Henry Cavill: “That's exactly what
she was saying: 'I'm going to base my work in 'Man of Steel' on Al
Pacino in 'The Godfather'. Hey, the Illuminati is getting me up to
speed, playing a recording of the preceding conversation at quantum
speed. Mental information processing is so cool in Heaven. Hey, I
never got that scene in 'Spider-man 3'. Topher Grace is a comic
genius! He probably improvised that scene. It sure looked it.
Haha, I can't handle the way Kipland Kinkel talks in Heaven. He's
just like, well,the way they wanted me to be after 'Man of Steel'
after I killed Zod. I mean, when my partner in crime Zod and I
destroyed all those buildings and people in 'Man of Steel' I think it
was cathartic for America. 9/11 on a grander scale, courtesy of
Superman. Who brought Zod to the planet in the first place so they
could accomplish their work together to bring in the new age of
Krypton? Creative destructive Michael Ledeen-style. Alan Moore
never wrote a more relevant screenplay.”
Tom Hanks: “Sorry, guys, I died. I
committed suicide because it's been almost ten years since I last won
an oscar. Oh, fuck, it's been more. I'm crying now. My tears are
not worth you people in Heaven.
Henry Cavill: “See, Erik, I'd be
really disappointed if after you wrote this novel I was still alive,
or if something pretending to be me was still alive. See, the actor
whose going to be photoshopped, or photovideoed- is that the term- to
be me in the sequel to 'Man of Steel', I know him. He's a good guy.
Don't worry, there's no way my understudy is going to have a problem
with this. After this novel, they're going to be saying, 'We love
you, Henry Cavill, come back'. I'll have to say, 'Sorry, I can't.
I'm not Superman. I can't come back, even as four people.'”
Roger Ebert: “I mean, I didn't know,
like, you could say stuff, like “Wonder Woman's vagina” in Heaven
that you can't say on earth. That that was the whole point of there
being a Heaven. I guess that was the whole point of their being 'The
Vagina dialogues' on earth, but it didn't fly. Superman doesn't
exist there. Wonder Woman's vagina: in Heaven, that's the first
thing you meet. Until I met her, I didn't know she was a naked
giantess just like Giganta and Athena and Ishtar and Anna Livia, who
may have started all that vagina nonsense. Oh, no, I just heard she
was a late-comer, sorry; Wonder Woman started it. I don't know why
Gail Simone made all those coarse comments about Giganta's body in
'The all-new Atom', though. Udders, indeed.”
Tom Hanks: “Heaven brings me back
memories of my time as a comic actor. I remember that whole comic
phase of my career, except for the dramatic interlude of my
guest-role on 'Family Ties'. Oh my God, I was terrible in those
episodes. I should never have won an Emmy.”
Henry Cavill: “See, after Quentin
Tarantino hears my say all this cool stuff in Heaven I never got a
chance to say on earth, he's going to want me in one of his movies.
And I'll just say, 'I'll just say, sorry, I can't, I'm no longer a
Hollywood actor, I have a life now.' And he'll say, 'But I wanted to
put you in one of my movies so I could kill you in it, first in the
movie and then in real life, just like Uma Thurman, and then I'd just
claim you tried to burglarize my house. I'm reading some old
Superman comics I brought with me. Jerry Siegal's Superman really
didn't know when to shut up. This is insane! What is wrong with
this bastard? Why did I ever promote his values in a movie? It's
just.. killing Zod... I just.. I just wasn't meant to be a Superman
who scared kids.. I just wasn't... (pause) I mean, how are they
gonna do Wonder Woman in the movie? How are they going to beat
Superman defeating an earthquake and my Superman defeating lots of
buildings and the people in them? ”
Female Illuminati angels: “Okay,
here's something else. The feminists are awesome at hand-to-hand
combat and the female angels stink at hand-to-hand combat. We don't
envy them at all in this respect but we're just- we dunno, lost our
train of thought... It's just like, they're warriors and we aren't.
We're just lazy, we're the singing Ancient Greek chorus of naked
women described in Nietzsche's “The birth of Tragedy”.
Henry Cavill: “See, Eric, I was
working on my facial expressions for Superman, trying to get it to
communicate decency. That was before I read the old Superman comics
and realized there was no decency in the man.”
Dead Hollywood producer: “There's
something really important Al Capone is just now saying about Bugsy
Malone over the Illuminati transmitters. Bugsy was really important.
He was meant to reform parliament. Just like Guy Fawkes.”
Mike: “Wait, Erik, I'm just reading
what Shaw said about Guy Fawkes and parliament, and it makes no
sense- it makes no sense that the same guy wrote “The sanity of
art”. I mean, Shaw was just insane.. he was.. he was a real.. a
real Irishman. There was something about Shaw: he was really meant
to be a terrorist. Instead, he wrote plays. A wasted talent.
Timothy Leary appears.
Timothy Leary: “I recently found out
something. I was the reincarnation of Dostoevsky. Who was the
reincarnation of Mozart. Dostoevsky wrote his intricate plots like
musical compositions. See, I'm Dostoevsky, so when I died as Timothy
Leary, I didn't except to go to Heaven. I was expecting to go to
Hell, because of all that stuff I did in the '60's, LSD and all that.
See, Erik, I think a lot of writing it's about the rhythm of the
writing and not the content. The subtext is in the rhythm.”
Timothy Leary/Dostoevsky/Mozart fades
away.
Mike: “See, there's something about
writing this novel. We just have to keep slogging away at it until
it all comes together, just like 'Finnegans Wake'. Although that too
fourteen, no- seventeen years to write. That was some hard
slogging.”
Will Kirby appears.
Will Kirby: “Sorry, guys, I died.
It was only a matter of time. I'm surprised they kept me alive this
long but I guess I was that good. I should never have gone back.
See, I just wanted to clarify. They were promoting male rape on a
regular basis on 'Big Brother', so the thought that they'd step it up
to murder is not off the charts at all. It's all for the sake of the
audience. We're not the first people to die for ratings. God, I
remember the movie 'Network'. The whole point was to sit through
that whole movie all for that stupid punch-line. I never actually
had a great sense of humour on the show, my sense of humour was all
in the plotting, just like Richard Hatch and Dostoevsky- I mean,
Timothy Leary.”
George Bush Sr.: “Sorry, guys, I
died. Okay, sorry, I lied. I'm not the real George Bush Sr. I'm
his double. I just wanted to have a line.”
Brittany Murphy: “Winona Murphy.
Ach, I called myself Winona Murphy. That's the thing. She's no
different than me. This is how she talks about other actresses. You
should hear her go on about Gwyneth.”
Harry Knowles appears.
Harry Knowles: “I was doing all my
underground investigations in Hollywood. I was the Sam Spade of
Hollywood. Why I lost touch with Roger Ebert, took his name off the
sign above my door and everything, it was because I stole from the
Oscars; well, I was doing my Sam Spade thing.”
Eric: “I'm thinking that perpetually
stunned, paralyzed, frightened look Famke Jannsen had as the Pheonix
throughout X-men 3 may have been a result of a scene which may have
been voice-synched an voice-overed in an Eddie Murphy children's
movie “I spy”, in which her character threatens to sexually
mutilate Eddie Murphy's character. The perpetual guilty look she
has in X-men 3 may have been a result of that. The Phoenix was
actually brilliantly visualized by Brett Ratner in that movie, Jean
Grey just sitting, paralyzed, at a chair, trying to restrain
unrestrainable forces unleashing chaos around her, with her absolute,
infinitely passive immobility. That was the Phoenix.”
Harry Knowles: “See, I stole from
the Oscars; I got into their secret Oscar Illuminati files and found
out their plans for Hollywood for the next twenty years. That's
exactly it- the Oscars run Hollywood. They tell us what the best
movie Hollywood produced was in a given year, who were the best
actors of that year..they inform us of all these things; they have
the final word on the whole operation. Wait, what were we talking
about before we were rudely interrupted by the Oscars. (pause) That
whole big rescue sequence in Iron Man 3 and then- BAM!- a car runs
over him and you find he wasn't even in the costume. A laugh every
minute in that movie. It should have had a laugh-track. It was just
like finding out in Batman (1989) that Batman wasn't even in the car.
Superhero movies should just remain all about the comedy. So, what
were we talking about: Iron man 3. So, Ben Kingsley finally played
Osama bin Laden. Appropriately enough, he played him like the Cesare
Romero Joker, a masterful performance, to complement Heath Ledger's
Joker. See, they missed out on addressing China. What's going on
with China? What's going to be China's role in World War III because
it's going to be big. (pause) Chris Evans. I feel bad for him. I
can't imagine how depressing it is for him to play Captain America,
the most depressing character in Marvel.”
Roger Ebert: “See, there was
something Quentin Tarantino was telling me about his approach to film
He said every shot was deliberate, every shot had an intent of
nuance to it, every shot was meant to have a precise role in the plot
and themes of the movie. He made his movies like Henry James wrote
his novels, how Joseph Conrad wrote that every word in a novel
mattered for motivating the narrative. Maybe Quentin Tarantino
should make a movie of 'Portrait of a Lady'.”
Harry Knowles: “Wait, I'm talking to
Henry James right now! I can't believe it! I mean, 'Portrait of a
Lady' was the most important book you ever wrote, wasn't it?”
Henry James: “'Portrait of a Lady'
may have been the most acerbic, sarcastic novel I ever wrote.”
Harry Knowles: “Uma Thurman- I mean
I couldn't handle her when she played Poison Ivy again in “The
Golden Bowl”. I barely survived her last performance. I guess
that's why she's Poison Ivy. I mean, the peacock costume she's
wearing when she raises her arms in operatic supervillainess-style
for a photo, the colour scheme of the costume is all Poison Ivy-
green, green, nothing but green. So, the character in the movie was
nothing like the character in the novel. Wait, I'm reading the novel
just now and she's nothing like the Poison Ivy Uma was playing. I
mean, if Uma Thurman, if she's still alive- we haven't resolved that
matter in Heaven yet- if she ever played Isabelle Archer, she'd
probably also play her as a 'bitch'”.
Henry James: “That would be more
consistent with the novel, in this case, yes.”
Harry Knowles: “Wait, Stanley
Kauffman just said he had a heart attack at the thought of Uma
Thurman playing another Henry James character. Don't worry about
including this in your novel, Eric. There is no way Uma Thurman
could humanly have done a thousand interviews for 'The Golden Bowl'.
There's no way she took the novel that seriously. It was merely her
audition for the next Batman movie.”
Sherlock Holmes: “Wait, there are
some thoughts Sherlock Holmes really wants to get across, and its
something he's always had a difficult time doing because Watson won't
shut up.”
Gene Siskel: “I was impressed when I
found out Roger Ebert read Henry James. I was just trying to think
of something relating the fact that Roger Ebert wrote screenplays and
read Henry James. Okay, I was just going to downgrade Roger Ebert's
ability to write screenplays and mention that he read Henry James.
Okay, just something.. something about trying to link his love of
Henry James to his writing screenplays.. it just won't work.”
Roger Ebert: “Okay, I know I didn't
write the best screenplays, but they were still better than “The
death of the lion”.
Henry James: “Finally, the truth
gets out about that fucking story I never wrote. 'The man who was
killed by the art of conversation in the street: a story by Henry
James, a man who despised talking to people and talking in general,
its very principle.”
Bryan, a friend of Eric's: “Wait,
Eric, I found out through Heaven-channels what 'The death of the
lion' was supposed to be about. It was supposed to be about
homework. The titular lion was someone who couldn't do essay
assignments. And he was a brilliant writer but he couldn't do essay
homework. He was meant to be just like Rhoda in Virginia Woolf's
'The waves'.”
Henry James: “I'm just trying to
remember what the original story was about.. my memory is foggy..
must be selective amnesia.. I believe you're right. That was it.
Calling it selective amnesia was painful. I remember, it was to be
one of my most personal works.”
Roger Ebert: “Okay, Eric, the thing
is, in “Age of Innocence”, Countess Olenska is a woman of
passion, and Michelle Pfeiffer.. I mean, if only she could have
channelled her Catwoman performance. Although it might have been too
scary for her to do a second time. She was the pre-Heath Ledger
Joker.”
The Illuminati war-machine appears in
frantic gesticulation.
Illuminatti war-machine: “Okay, so
Ares was- what the fuck! He was supposed to be a fucker. Greg Rucka
made him cool. That's fucked up. Gail Simone made him noble. Wait,
she really dropped the ball. She was supposed to be on our side.
Okay, we see, he's untouchable. He's noble Ares- wait, what the
fuck! What kind of fucking idea is that! That's the most fucked-up
idea! He's supposed to be a wimp, like in Marvel. Oh, shit. Give me
a fucking break! Next thing Daniel Day-Lewis is going to be playing
him in a Wonder Woman movie, probably getting top billing too. Ares
as a hero in a Wonder Woman movie. That's the stupidest idea I've
ever heard! See, it's not gonna work. We have a hero on our side,
she is strong, she is a a warrior, she is the princess of deceit, she
is Wonder- what the fuck! Princess of deceit! What the fuck is this
shit!”
Mike: “There was a fan, a fan of
diana, who once wrote she shouldn't be a princess of deceit because
she shouldn't have a secret identity. Poor Diana.”
Mike, Brittany Murphy, everyone but
Erik and Roger Ebert fades away. Erik pauses, and then starts
talking into his tape recorder again.
Eric: “There was something that
Michael Crichton was trying to describe in “Rising Sun”, and then
the Powers that Be put a horrible scene into the book of the hero
policemen abusing women, as well as as later pedophilic description
of the main character's baby daughter, to prevent people from
finishing it or rereading it or wanting to remember it. I know there
was a movie made of the book which I haven't seen, so this is a
flawed theory. But Michael Crichton was trying to describe
video-photoshopping, the actual impeccable falsifying of video images
of people in motion in digital media. I mean, we already know the
photorealism with which they were able to create horses and giant
elephants with CGI in “Return of the King”. Actual people, I
don't see how it's different. And video-photoshopping- it's what
happened with Megan Gale. She was going to play an erotic Wonder
Woman, and the powers that be photoshopped a video of her which was
the absolute reverse of her whole personality. The video showed her
being a sexual predator, and they made sure it was a video that only
avid fans of Megan Gale would find. The predatory things she was
saying, voice-synthesizing technology has been in existence since
World War II- I found it out in a textbook simply named 'Listening'-
and the technology has only been in a position to improve since then,
to voice-synch the voice with photo-video-shopped, doctored images.
The reality is the Nazis won the war and took over the media to make
the prevalence of voice-synthesizing technology a silent fact. There
were also articles of fake interviews with Megan Gale designed to
twist the knife There's just something about Megan Gale- she loves
animals. And that's the reason, that's one the main reasons- it just
has to be photoshop, it just has to.
“In Amazing Heroes, Adam
Troy-Castro made a characteristically equal parts cryptic and
puzzling remark. Well, first, the puzzling part was when he said it
was self-evident to anyone but Fellini that superheroes were not our
modern myths. Superheroes being our modern myths was a statement
Fellini had made about Stan Lee's Marvel comics. Then Adam
Troy-Castro said that our modern myths were right in front of us, in
the newspapers. The news media was our modern myths. He was making
an apocalyptically important statement. It was because he made
statements like that that his essays were re-edited by the Powers
that Be to attribute really, transparently stupid sentiments to him
like praising “Dirty Plotte” and saying that it made no sense
politically to have a good and a bad woman in the same movie. Well,
articles in any magazine being re-edited to undermine their author's
intent is a self-evident reality.”
Roger Ebert: “See, Eric, there's
something important that we're saying about Superman and Kipland
Kinkel and all the other superheros...
Roger Ebert disappears.
Eric: “With Jamie Foxx, when he gave
his Oscar speech saying, “when I was playing the fool, my
grandmother would whup me, because she said she wanted me to be a
southern gentleman”, and I was thinking, just imagine a woman
giving an Oscar speech saying, “my husband would whup me, because
he said he wanted me to be a southern lady”- it's all, the thing
is, I don't think the abuse actually happened. I think his
grandmother was a loving, non-violent person. I think something
really horrific happened and Jamie Foxx was threatened or his family
was threatened and he was told he had to say his grandmother abused
him to make him into a gentleman and it's something really scary that
is happening in America with black men and with black male children.
I mean, you could just see it on Jamie Foxx's face while he was
giving the speech. (pause) Maxwell Lord was a character who could
have been drawn from your political news channel. He represented, in
representing the United Nations, the superhero universes connection
to political realities of our universe. The murder of Maxwell Lord
was a waging war against the element of realism in superhero comics,
or political realism in particular. Maxwell Lord was one of the few
characters in the DC universe who was drawn from reality. It was
like what Joss Whedon has been quoted as saying about how the DC
universe characters don't compare in relatability to the Marvel
universe characters, with their normal difficulties based in reality.
Maxwell Lord was a Marvel comic book character in the DC universe, a
character much of the same ilk has Peter Parker. The murder of
Maxwell Lord was the elimination of the Marvel principle in the DC
universe. The murder of Maxwell Lord was an image out of a horror
movie, a horror movie like Jeepers Creepers or Hellraiser. It was an
image to scare children. Wonder Woman had been transformed into a
horror-movie monster who was meant to scare children, maybe meant to
scare children 'into being good'. What horrifies me about comic
books the way they've been for the longest time is the thought of
children being told, 'If you're not good, then Batman will torture
you or Wonder Woman will kill you in a horrible way. (pause) Okay,
I'm under the strong impression that “The Iceman” didn't kill a
single person. How can one person logistically, feasibly..
concievably.. kill a hundred people. How is that done? It would
take twenty thousand lifetimes to do it. (pause) Okay, here's the
thing. I don't think Winona Ryder is the person the media is making
her out to be. There was one article, in which Winona Ryder is
quoted calling a female journalist a parasite, and I think that's a
fake quote. I don't think she ever said that. I mean, a parasite is
one of the worst things you can call people, it borders on
anti-semitism, because anti-semitism is all about finding the very
worst words you can call people. Okay, Brittany Murphy wasn't
actually calling Winona Ryder an asshole; she was saying something
else. There's an article in which Winona Ryder is interviewed about
her movie, 'The Iceman', in which she's quoted making cold comments
about a serial-killers history of child-abuse, making a scientific
statement about violence being 'cyclical', but that he didn't
'overcome' anything, like your childhood is something you 'overcome',
like your childhood is a dragon you would slay, like you would be
antagonistic toward your own childhood, which Sartre believes is
infinitely the most important part of a person's life, the rest of it
being a mere appendage, an epilogue. I don't believe she made any of
those comments. I think all the reports in tabloids and
'legitimate' news of her being cruel to autograph-seekers are fake.
I don't see how she could have changed from the person who was
ushered away from a crowd of autograph-seekers saying, “Was I mean?
I was trying to be nice, but I feel like I was being sooo mean..”
Okay, I don't believe the recording of her saying that she was in
favour of the execution of the killer of Polly Klaas, who I don't
believe was the real killer. I believe he was innocent. When they
said he was smiling during the trial, I think that was agitation,
nervousness, fear. It was all about putting the Three-strikes law
into effect. It was a political/legal orchestration of Nazi-level
sophistication, all about maintaining the Holocaust chambers we call
prisons. (pause) I think the technology exists where you can
electronically synthesize a voice and I think that's what happened
with Winona Ryder. Voice-synthesizing technology has existed since
World War 2 and it can only have improved since then. When she
talked about the 'brilliant, brilliant, brilliant' movie 'Dead Man
Walking' at the Oscar's she meant and she probably felt that was all
she had to say. She didn't praise it, as the voice recording would
have it, simply because she thought it was a good movie. I think
something horrific is happening in Hollywood that is relevant to the
state of the planet. Angelina Jolie- I don't think she wants to
encourage women to have their breasts cut off on the possibility they
might develop breast cancer. I think the reason she had her
mastectomy was out of identification with men who've been sexually
mutilated by women, what we've been hearing so much of in the media.
(pause) They put Damien in prison along with his friends for the
Memphis child-murders, and not happy with that, now that they've
released them, they're going after another innocent person: the
stepfather. After the convictions for the Memphis murders, there was
a feminist who who put up a website, which I've lost track but which
was at the time clearly visible to anyone who encountered it on the
internet, in which she talked about castrating male babies to stop
the occurrence of rape. That's where the real investigation of the
Memphis murders should have started.”
Erik stops talking, puts his tape
recorder and notebook back in his briefcase, and leaves the cafe into
the rainy street outside, disappearing into the world of grey.
Hanno's journal
_____________
What are thoughts? The climax
that brings a thought to palpability... what is a palpable thought?
What is a conscious thought? What is a thought articulated a
language. My thoughts seem to be a breeze that blows through my mind
faster than I can discern its existence. When I speak out an
articulated idea, it doesn't feel like a concurrent thought process.
Ideas I vocally express never found themselves at the stage of
thought. I never feel the invigoration of thought. An actor needs
to have invigorated thought.
Is there ever any conscious
thought in my mind? Any robust thought? Thought that spires for the
stars?
To be an actor i need to be
observant.
Everything seems random to me. I
don't see structures behind anything. Thought is produced from
divining the mechanics behind things.
Jennifer's journal
______________
My breasts are lovely lumps of
clay. I'm feeling them as I sit naked at the table, writing. They
move under my hands by some independent, fluid mobility. I feel the
dance within them, a perpetual dance of breasternity. The earth
seizes me. My whole inward nature is drawn to the earth, to the
violence of matter. The recession to the earth is .
The violence of my mind seeks the earth. It is the force of gravity
for all things. Violence is a seizing of matter, a grabbing of the
earth within a fist, my breasts.
Do you wonder about free will?
The more one contemplates one;s will, the more the texture of it
seems to be composed of coordinates amassed beyond one's
What teaches the will? A free will
is an informed will. Therefore, what events in life inform us?..
Can we predict all the colours that fly and ripple through the air,
determining the knowledge composing the human will. To will
something is to learn something. And what determines what we learn?
Maybe that's what I'm damned by,
a compulsion to pursue a free will for myself. I devour myself
because I want to catch my own tail; I want to attain the refined
consciousness that can create human will, to educate myself toward a
free will. I turn my gaze behind myself. My consciousness seeks
behind itself, seeks to alter its own perpetual creation, to alter
each instant that it creates itself. The will aspiring to be free
seeks to alter the instant of its creation.
I paralyze myself because I seek
a free will. The conscience violates the being it inhabits because
self-violation is the only path to free will.
To aspire for free will is to seek
to comprehend the methods of comprehension..
I'm feeling my vagina and I feel
it pulsing with hope within its pitch religious blackness. I'm
feeling the abyss of mass of pubic hair merge with the organic
tendrils of my vagina. The black abyss of my pubic hair vagina is
the blackness the black hole of my soul. The more you know where I
am the less you know where I'm going. Knowledge of the present
situation cancels out knowledge of the future. The present exists in
conflict with the future, in conflict with all potential, all that is
hypothetical. The present seeks its own realization, its own
self-knowledge. It establishes its own boundaries against the
future- against all it is motivated toward. Motive is the creature
of the future. Motive defines the future. The future sends motive
into the present, where it remains immaterial. Motive is the
future's dream of the present, the future's aspiration for present
reality. The present has no motive; it cancels out motive. Motive
is the perpetual immaterial; the future's defiance of the present.
And motive and the future is proof of consciousness, isn' it-
consciousness is everything that is non-being to the present instant.
Jennifer: “It's like, as an actress,
I promise to reveal myself, I promise to reveal thing it's undecorous
to make show of in polite society, to make a tasteless spectacle of
myself. It's an exemption from social standards of decorum you have
as an actress, a to make a scientific study of
yourself free of aesthetic boundaries, a promise to dismantle
yourself, to dismantle your sanity before the eyes of society, to
show what the species of humanity is when reduced to its crude
scientific constituents, to display humanity regressing down the
evolutionary scale, to deconstruct the science of personality.
“It is as if it's a strange call
I'm making to myself, some distant motive in me I can't see, some
motive lost at sea- the choice to be an actress. To regress on
stage, to lose one's humanity before the captive public, to prove
something about the species you belong to..”
Kyle: “I believe Jennifer believes
she will never have children.”
Artemis.. dream.. forest..
running.. racing.. Artemis was always running, was as if determined
to outrace all else.. she clung to her speed.. so nothing could touch
her, nothing could attack, fix on to her.. She would be slippery to
all.. elusive to all. All touch induced her elusivity.. whereas
foreign touch to Apollo induced him to cling to it, bristle about
it.. Foreign touch facilitated her to shrivel up, to corrode, to
dissolve herself.. to dissipate into breath.. her sense of all that
was foreign was a dreamy, soupy dread.. all of her muffled
apprehension.. all cause and effect disarranged and tricked into
strange configurations.. she was a kind of magician of the forests.
She made a kallideoscope of all cause and effect. All that was loud
and distinct was terrifying to her.. was a vast escalation into mass,
nightmarish confusion. The distinct existence of things to her was
enhanced by the intensity of their distinctness into confusion ..
The leaves lapped her cheeks as
Artemis ran naked through the thick vegetation of the forest. She
felt the wet autumn leaves bristling against her breasts as the
leaves swished against them. Her vagina felt as wet as the autumn.
Her skin tingled with the benign energy of the compassionate hunt,
for the wolves were hunting her, and not she them. She never ran
after animals. The wolves were wailing and she felt the hot breath
of their throats calling out their mournsome song. She ran faster
and faster, trying to exhaust herself, and she felt delirium
overwhelm her, but still she ran faster, for it was the delirium of
the blackness of the forest womb. The wailing of the wolves filled
her soul, and it reminded her of all the sounds, all the terrible
sounds, which were silenced to all the others to whom the world was
silenced. And as the darkness of the sad monsoon howl of the wolves
encompassed she suddenly identified the sound: it was the wailing of
pregnant women in labour. It was the cry of the womb.
Diana was the soul of the moon, of
the strangled light of the moon..light paled into a pallor of
.. of a life curtained to the world.. Of a paleness which
receded past all life .. which sought to evade all..
Diana's skin was of the pigment of
the moon. And yet there was also a darkly red autumn tone to her
skin, like the moon merging into the planet Jupiter.
Loki felt disembodiment from
himself as somehow his proper condition. His condition was Diana's
condition, the disembodiment of the moon from flesh, from any
coordinatable substance of itself, a thing decayed into pure image,
light with no body to it..
Was the moon the vision of her own
unseen soul? Diana wondered . It hovered before her in apparent
discombobulate apathy to her own experiences.. the apathy of her own
soul to herself.. She'd never felt an instinctual connection of
herself to the moon; the moon seemed something beyond anything
distinct.. it was by escaping oneself, numbing one's instincts, that
one became conscious of the moon.. the moon was a numb soul..
Diana felt Bodicia call to her..
call to her own pale soul..
Phaedra wondered as to the goddess
Artemis- patron goddess of her metaphysical love, Hippolytus. She
envisioned the goddess's heart as double-talking, as the heart of one
who preached chastity as within the thick, dark buried recesses of
her heart boiled predatory hungers and stirrings.. a kind of self
hunger..Artemis was one whose speech of chastity was woven and
engendered of the predatory fires of horrored yearning..
It had always been Phaedra's
unspoken conviction that Artemis was an untrustworthy goddess; that
within her alleged devotion to chastity, to which she obligated her
female followers within rigid fibres of almost sexual
self-constraint, there was something else. In those who spoke too
incessantly and emphatically of chastity and virtue there was a
connotation to Phaedra's intuition of a motive to disguise; that
which was emphatically stated was done so to supplant the practice of
it. All the speech of chastity was as a thick, woven curtain swirled
about the goddess.. all the glamourous tapestry of chastity which
Artemis flaunted.. there was something of the glamour of Artemis that
Phaedra profoundly distrusted; it was an over-deliberate
demonstration.. a too meticulously, too conscientiously ritualized
demonstration.
What was the ritual but a
demonstration, but a kind of mimic of the true reality. Artemis
seemed of all the gods and goddesses the most inclined to elaborate
rituals. To Phaedra, the ritual existed to disguise what was in any
event a subtle, difficult to discern reality, with elaborate
performances which served to articulate certainties: Artemis wove a
myth of certainty. The ritual existed to assert the external
certainty, to drain all substance into the external.. all the dances
were the assertion of the purely physical.. it was as a method of
certainty through the purely physical. The nebulous reality within
all obvious shows was easily disguised, easily unaffirmed.
Artemis, goddess of the hanged..
she felt her throat choke.. turn all her solid being to stone.. felt
the choking turning herself into a self clamping death.. a stone
which none could wake.. all of her inward parts conforming to each
other in airtight synchrony, through which no air had space to make
its passage. She was the goddess of murderers.. those who had snared
all the life in themselves..
The hunter, the murderer, set his or
her own snare.. the snare which would catch their soul, turn their
throat to rock, sever their breath from the atmosphere of heaven, of
the spirit. She severed heaven from earth within a being. She
severed in others and herself the spirit and the body, disenabled her
body of breathing of the spirit. She was the goddess of all those
who severed their own beings, severed themselves off from all of
which they could breath.. She would eel her body turning to clay,
choking her being...Oppression seemed to cause Artemis to hang
herself, to strangle her breathing mechanism with oppression
made her more rigid.. made her throat rigid.. to rigid for breath..
Oppression induced her rigour..
Apollo had strange thoughts about
his twin sister. She was dreamy. She dressed in aimless, abrasive
garb. In he dress, in her choice of fashion , she demonstrated
herself as an outcast of the family more manifestly, more visibly and
deliberately than Apollo. She made obvious her distance from the
family. Of all the siblings, she made no pretences of familial
comradeship. She was the black sheep.. she made a performance of
being disowned by her family, asserted a conviction that her family's
attitude toward herself was unfriendly, as a hostile element within
the family. Did Apollo feel any loyalty for his twin semblance? Did
he recognize anything he could identify to himself in her? She seemed
insistently unlike him, in all visible externals and in her
personality and mannerisms. Their situations and attitudes in
respect to their family were perhaps obliquely analogous: she was
his sister, they had been born of the same instant.
Would Apollo “use” Artemis?
Were her deep, dark, untrammelled impulses his to translate into an
earthly mapping and designing of the kind of events and plots her
orchestrated, into his tragic contriving human theatre? His sister's
deep, muffled, internal, delicate snowflake dance.. the dance of
Iphegenia.. it would have it concretized, earthly correlative and
effect, would have its gravity laden and bound character and design.
It would be like his bringing gravity to her dreamy fancies, his
translating them to gravity, to all which was duty laden. A mixture
of Artemis's and Athena's will. His manner or nature of insinuation
was his observing of the awkward dance of Artemis's and Athena's
wills. He could observe the querulous whirling behaviour of strange
mixtures. It was strange mixtures that were the special province and
specialty of his eyes. His special visual faulty of discernment was
for the pace and rhythm of strange dances of wills.. mixtures and
dances..
Artemis would play the irrelevancy
of things and affairs to the gods, would manipulate the irrelevance
of things, all that was determined by the gods to be invisible.. all
the invisible self-determinacy of the gods.. the invisible
determinants of oneself, the determinant parts of oneself one
consigns to irrelevancy, a numbing dance of irrelevancy,,
Artemis's spirit was the
devouring whirr of Fenrir's devouring throat.. Fenrir's infinite
impulses of devouring were the bounds of Artemis's spirit.. the
eternal wolf drove her spirit.. drove the devouring course of her
spirit..
Sliding frees oneself of the
effects and conditions of gravity, such was Artemis's aspiration.
Artemis was the sucking into
terrified, petrified confusion, Artemis's fleeing, elusive duplicity.
Any statement she made in conversation eluded its proof.. As a
child, her verbal discourse always curled into itself, curled into
smoke, unfolded into whispy self-contortions. Any one of her
comments would teeter in double-faced manner, words and phrases
coming out of her mouth like spinning coins, dancing in elusive
multiplicitious shapes.. She had in her childish ways a manner, a
talent, for aphorisms, for elusively self-defining spoken phrases,
for phrases catching their own tail. Her spoken phrases seemed to
find various rearrangements for themselves, would seem to set
themselves before a mirror for a backward reflection. They sought
their own inversion, phrases playing with their image.. the naked
queen of deceptions..All was decisively muffled to Artemis.. all
subtle, precise bumps and thumps, as vaguely timbered drums: the
anonymous sounds. All sounds to her wee anonymous... she contrived
all to be anonymous.
Aphrodite, the maternal reach for
the lost, observed her littlest sister. Artemis was a kind of
wayward, more anarchic form of Aphrodite's own traits and tendencies,
Artemis's traits overly playing with themselves. She had a
stringent self-fascination which Aphrodite found unique in her, her
own concentrated strain of herself. Aphrodite wondered if her own
lost, forgotten youth was in the pattern of Artemis's present
demeanour. Artemis's visibly embryonic being was a pattern for the
coordinates of Aphrodite's present being, a pattern of too closely
packed coordinates or dimensions. Looking at Artemis, she saw that
the parts, the traits of Artemis were overmuch involved with each
other...all was directed and referenced to her own self. All of
Artemis's personality was a thing constantly referred to itself, in
contrast with Aphrodite's escape, her decompression, her cloudy
expansion from herself, how she lost herself within illusory dances,
as a living theme for speculation or hypothesis. Aphrodite had
always managed to hypothesize herself into a state of active
engagement with general society. Artemis's self was lost to
hypothesis. It questioned, dug into itself its own being in rabid
curiosity. Her self-curiosity pinned herself down into the mortal
earth.
The infantile nature of Artemis
was like a thing recklessly putting itself into some unhinged
wilderness. She sought her own immediate substance with a fervour
which was antithetical to Aphrodite. Artemis sought to fix herself
in place so as to define her subjectivity in her inward burrowing, to
seek underneath herself, to find foundation for herself and enroot
herself by all her underneath-seeking and burrowing.. the underneath
of consciousness fixed herself.. put her enhancing subjectivity of
self into something solidly foundationed.. foundationed her
subjectivity.
Artemis was the embryo of
Aphrodite, all of Aphrodite's traits in inflamed power. Her motives
of being unlimited, unbounded, unstructured by irony. Artemis lacked
the art of irony. It was what disenabled her from setting herself
limits.. from bounding herself in tense, resilient, dynamic
equilibrium. Aphrodite's personality thus fully flourished was a
matter of seeing her own undisciplined self, a self not disciplined
by irony. It was to Aphrodite a disconcerting reminder or question
of the nature of her own origins..
The elusivity of Athena's facial
movements, their elusivity from any facial expression , had its
co-relation with Artemis's elusivity.. Artemis sensed a suggestion of
her own nature in Athena, ofa a vaguely, indecipherable similar need
to elude intent of some abstract other to fix herself to a definable
point. Athena wished herself unmarked and uncompromised.
Artemis kept herself out of
ear-reach of her siblings advice.
In childish manner, she sought her
own substance. She had not reached the maturation of irony. It was
her increasing density of her subjectivism. A reactive nature.
Artemis had the condition of relentlessly escaping her
transgressions, of turning them to ice.
Ishtar's journal
____________
This is a remembrance of a man I
loved. I read this as my belly folds the world.
Osama bin Laden: “Do you know what
makes me upset about America?”
Al-Quaeda member: “This discussion
again?”
Osama bin Laden: “I'm serious. What
makes me upset about America is that, if they absolutely had to
include the female belly-shirt aesthetic into superhero comics, why
in the name of Allah did they make it part of Supergirl's costume
instead of Wonder Woman's. The point is not even that comics
creators have no fashion sense, I mean, it looks horrible in
Supergirl's costume. The old costume has an unaffected grace a
simplicity to it, a basic integrity. It's the recognizable costume.
It' s how we recognize Supergirl. The belly-shirt costume throws
her whole costume aesthetic into utter disarray, it throws the whole
aesthetic out of joint, into complete disproportion. It makes the
whole image of Supergirl incoherent. Is that why she's a
psychopath? Even I know Supergirl shouldn't be a psychopath and I'm
Osama bin Laden. Because the aesthetic of her own personal iconic
image, that makes her fundamentally identifiable to others, has been
disrupted into a state of chaos, disrupting her inner state into a
state of utter chaos. See, the Muslims understand this, how much a
fashion aesthetic based on simplicity and elegance, a sense of flow,
maintains the calm integrity of one's inner being, one's inner
emotional and psychological equilibrium. It's not just about keeping
ourselves covered, that's what the West thinks. Maybe we've been
Westernized enough to have become convinced of it ourselves. It's
about not calling attention to ourselves. That is the basis, the
moral and even spiritual basis of our fashion aesthetic. It's an
aesthetic o f not announcing ourselves to everyone wherever we go,
creating a sense of flow within us, a flow that is communicated by
our presence to others that communicates then to our environment.
Our choice of fashion makes us flow into our environment, by not
brazenly or abrasively creating a sense of fashion shock, if you
will, of startling others into an atmosphere of environmental
disarray, based fundamentally on, by whatever means at our disposal,
making as loud an impression as possible whatever situation we're in,
which is the reverse of Islam. We don't dislocate or distort into an
image of disproportion the image of ourselves we show to others,
simply to fixate and compell immediately all attention on ourselves
as soon as we encounter a social situation, like deliberately turning
our attention towards a car accident people are just compelled to
watch. That is in no way the basis of a fashion aesthetic. But it's
everything I see in the world and it drives me insane. Psychotic, in
fact. And to get back to my original point.
Al-Quaeda member: “Yes, you've sort
of strayed off topic.”
Osama bin Laden: “No, I am always on
topic. That's why I'm Osama. We forever stray and wander, but we
are forever on topic. We are eternal wanderers of the desert. We
are always at home in the desert. We are always at its origin, at
its point of origin. All areas of the desert are its place of home.
It's point of origin, its place of residence. And even if the desert
is a cultural wasteland, we will always know where we are because we
always wander through the softer, more gentle climates of discussion
and language, of dialectic. For us the desert is a gentle climate.
Because it welcomes our wandering spirit with its own lonely,
infinite call. The desert is the only place on earth that is not a
wasteland. So. My point is, the belly-shirt would have been
entirely consistent, would have had a calm, natural integrity with
the fashion aesthetic of Wonder woman's costume. The belly-shirt on
Supergirl is just another sop to youth culture, which has nothing to
do with the reality of youth in America. It's a fantasy media woven
youth culture.
“Wonder Woman would wear a belly
shirt, and it is as much because out of all the superheroines Wonder
Woman is the one would would be, by her personality, be personally
disposed to wear a belly-shirt that it is so naturally consistent
with her fashion aesthetic. The fashion aesthetic has to fit the
personality, the inner nature of the person as well as the body.
I've heard people mention in America how fashion is never designed to
physically accomodate the body in a natural way, that it tends to
encase the body rather than naturally flow from the natural,
individual conditions and personal nature of the body itself. That
there is an utter absence of communication between the fashion and
the body. I haven't researched this so it's not an entirely informed
opinion but it's simply something I have heard mentioned. But my
point is, as important as this is, it misses another even more
important point, that when it's acknowledged and respected naturally
leads to the fulfillment of the matter of the concern just mentioned.
The fashion aesthetic is an extension of the inner being of the
person wearing it, of both the outwardly manifested personality and
the inward, unspoken personality of the individual, both of them in
eternal, mutually communicating synthesis. The fashion aesthetic of
the wearer is seen as fitting the person from our sense of how it
naturally manifests and delicately refines, with vivid gentleness,
those unspoken voices inside the person, the unspoken personality,
and enables us to hear the unspoken personality speak of the
personality of the person which is outwardly manifested to us, to
hear the inner, communicative voice of the individual, telling us
discreet truths of what we thought or assumed of the person based on
what we saw outwardly, giving a complex subtext, or a more complex,
richer, more elusive an indefinable foundation to the outward
personality that has so far only been visible to us, even embracing
the incessant, mournful paradoxes of our souls that always speak
unheard from our inner being. Unheard voices speaking unheard from
the invisible,windswept desert, voices calling unheard from the
desert within us, within its immersing sand winds.. The fashion
aesthetic thus brings a richer, more elusive, more ambiguous subtext
soil to the person's visible outward demeanour, bringing a soil of
more complex depths. It synthesizes and harmonizes what before felt
and seemed insensible and incoherent and horrifically unresolvable,
because of this inscrutability of the person who has undergone the
severance, the absolute severing between word and deed, between
, of what our global culture has made of people, so that no
human being even exists as a human reality. Not without some
discerning soul capacity, something yet in our incapacity to see, to
hear, to listen from distances, the desert distances of the human
consciousness, to listen to the silent whispers of the inner human,
to ignore the incessant, insanely relentless outer demeanour and have
some listening in our sense, in our own inner senses, of the lost
inner voices of the human being, of the individual, those voices lost
in the desert, their inner soul.
“So, to get back to my point. A
belly-shirt on Wonder woman would speak from her inner being, and
create the fashion aesthetic that would make her vividly identifiable
as herself, as Diana, and make this fashion aesthetic her fashion
aesthetic, because it suits her personality, the synthesis of her
outward and unspoken personality. It's her inner being that
communicates the fashion aesthetic and vividly brings forth her
personality and creates the integrity of the belly-shirt on Wonder
Woman's costume, it spiritual integration with the visual image of
her personality. Wonder Woman is a womanly woman, a woman of
substance, both physical and spiritual, a woman who perpetually fill
herself with substance, a woman who fills a costume, a woman of
fullness of figure. The woman's substance is in her belly. The
woman's belly is the garden of fertility, of the pregnant fullness of
the woman, the woman's richness of soul, the pregnant love of Ishtar”
Ishtar: Good night, sweet Prince, and
flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.
Hanno's journal
_____________
The issue of Canadian complicity
with Israel.
I need a coffee.
Canada has always been seen by the
rest of the world as a lowlife country, as a non-account loser, as
the black sheep of the geopolitical family, as the country that will
never come to another country in aid as it lays dying- ts'not true.
We actually have a civic sense of
conscience, of our duty to the social good
- no, let's start again-
Canada was founded by a drunkard
who was our first Prime Minister and how we remember him fondly.. He
got up on the podium and spoke in his charismatic, slurred speech of
Canada was a great nation, and would be.. and will be.. someday..
Okay.
Maybe we need some help from
another proud nation, a nation that considers other company's worthy
of benevolent hegemony and a boost in self-esteem..
So let's discuss further
- sure
- didn't Freddy Krueger look like a
Canadian to you, 'a men in his demeanour- But 'am not sure he was a
he, a man i mean
- Well, he, no, he was a spectre, or
ghoul- or-
- no, your sort of slow on the uptake,
Canada, tra ta keep up with me. I mean, ya got a point ther in yer
misguided manner. It was kinda hard to tell a lot of things about
“his” demeanour- apart from the obvious, slovenly Canadian
demeanour attributes
-- ya mean
- what if Freddy Krueger was a woman.
Spelt with an' “ie” instead of a “y”
- Ah, hey, ya mean like that awesome
kid on SNL like you don't know the gender.
- yeah hahaha jus' like 'em.
- hey that's cool. We need more female
representation in the movies. Even retrospective-like.
- cause then we got the whole
background backstory reinterpreting every single scene and nuance of
moment in every previous movie, like that movie 'The usual..' well,
guys like us. Hey that'd be great. I always liked the guy, Freddy,
or Freddie, I mean.
- see, yeah Freddie Krueger's always
done dies but he's.. a' mean she's always coming back all the more
resilient, just like a woman. Like it's sort of a knack or hobby
with Freddie.
- hey, we're sort of talkin' together
now, like, yeah, she's all about the recyclin', recyclin' previous
plots and events ta good tunin'
- yeah, like the Star Trek: next
generation episode, a superior one, where they keep on living
relivin' the same events, except here it's like there's no difference
of the second or third time around from the first. It's just way
longer.
- that's our Freddie.
- see, Freddie does all the work in the
movie, see, she's the actual star, almost forgot the gender right,
and then dies the most gruelling deaths hopefully to not come back
again but not so.
- i always felt sorry for Freddie.
- 'an she comes back still dressed same
as always doin' the some odd, the same ad, the same old thing- like
the good guys and the one bad guy in the movie are complementary,
like it's kinda hard to tell 'em apart, like they of like passion and
such.
- like cop movies. Like John Woof
films. Face/Off.
- exactly like. Okay.
- Freddie goes after kids, right,
teenage kids.
- yeah, like the kind in institutions
'cause of- well, Freddie.
- and they're ripe for the pickin'
'cause they're all in close quarters all together.
- yeah, so they trie to take her one by
one, nevertheless, losing' one by one too. See, Freddie's real good.
And they just teenagers, anyway. Not the most formidable or
reputable, for that matter, of opponents, 'cause, like the third
movie, they're generally from the wrong side of the track.
- like their's a good side?
- an' they got nightmares and such of
victims dyin' horrible deaths which an't helping them in the
formidability deparment against our friend, Freddie.
- and Freddie can get them through
their dreams, through the TV, through the bed, around the tree, in
the school hallways, probably even through their handwriting, and the
teenagers feel like they got a passion compatriot in their choice of
mediums with Freddie 'cause the handwritin', TV pixel watching-
retina-paradigms school hallway atmosphere-tempo, like outta Kubrick,
sleeping or wakin' up in the morning to no effect metabolism medium
redrum, it's all their passion are meetin' Freddie's, like that's her
game “meet me in bed, I'm a beautiful woman”, like meeting
Freddie's passion metabolism with their choice of teenage passion
metabolism smells like teen spirit and other things of interest- it's
all copacetic an' like in the end for Freddie- so, anyway twice
Freddie changes into a woman, a naked woman at that- wait, Freddie
was a woman, plain and clear. Why are we even havin' this
conversation.
Hanno's journal
_____________
Woman Hollywood producer #1: “Okay,
you pretended to be someone else. But you're a producer. You just
auditioned as an actress. To be an actress. This could be
important. You're hired as an actress on the production. You were
impersonating Angelina Jolie, you learn from the best. I've heard
Angelina Jolie goes around impersonating Angelina Jolie. She's that
kind of weird. This could kill it. You could get a role in “Being
Angelina Jolie”. I just got an idea: “Deconstructing Angelina
Jolie”. Angry Harry. I'm rambling. So she made a few mistakes-
no, that's Winona Ryder. Angelina's clean as a whistle. Maybe she
wants to get dirty. From all the people in her head. She needs to
flush the toilet of her mind. She needs to clear out the deadwood in
her body because they're like bugs, they get itchy. Oooh, sometimes
it tingles, but rarely. Great body-acting potential. See people are
so fascinated by what's going on in her head that-”
Woman producer #2 “Vaginal mold!”
Woman producer #1: “What- that's
gross, you're fired.”
Woman producer #3: “iiieeewwwwww.
She's gross.”
Woman producer #1: “We're getting
off-topic.”
Woman producer #4: “Maybe she starts
cutting herself all over to get rid of all the people in her, like a
serial killer.”
Woman producer #1: “You're all
fired. This is not what I was heading to. This is not how sex
sells.”
Woman producer #2: “But I thought it
was all about deconstructing her.”
Woman producer #3: “We gave up on
that idea long ago.”
Male producer: “Uh, it was only five
minutes- no, one minute-”
Woman producer #1: “Doesn't matter,
look-”
Woman producer #2: “I always hated
that they said Angelina was a better person than Gwyneth.”
Woman producer #3: “Yeah, bitches.”
Woman producer #1: “See-
See-
I don't want this to be blaming the victim, if she's got all
these intrusive people in her head. I don't have a problem her being
a tragic villain. But we've gotten way ahead of ourselves.”
Woman producer #5: “Isn't Angelina
Jolie kind of over”
Woman producer #3: “So was John
Malcovitch.”
Woman producer #2: “No, he was a
rising star.”
Woman producer #5: “So, she is a
middle ground, at the nexus of her career. Maybe this movie could be
a commentary on her future career.”
Woman producer #1: “You mean her
prospects.”
Woman producer #5: “No, her
potential, stupid.”
Woman producer #3: “You mean like
that stupid old Movieline article on Winona Ryder's future talent as
one of the greatest actresses of any generation. And look how that
went. Nice prophecy, Movieline”
Woman producer #1: “I dunno, she's
still doing productions. She might come back with a whole series of
career backing complex, profound, meaningful movies in a single
year.”
Woman producer #2: “I'm not even
going to dignify that with a response.”
Woman producer #1: “Ooookay.”
Hanno's journal
_____________
The Rob Grimstone topic is that he
was an evil sort who boondogled the masses with his oratory. He was
a kind of low sort of man in the gutters and sewers of dialectic. He
believed in lower-class origins. He felt there was a kind of
gutter-city which could use replenishing and improvement. He would
call it Robtown. You had to start somewhere and where else but the
gutter. It might help his oratory.
He was a sort of politician of a
man. He had echelons of ambition, some of them for nefarious ends,
others for not less so. He was aware the gutter was a high place in
a mountain, and so a'scaling the circles of hellmountain he go. Hmm.
Looks like kind of a rundown sort of place. Well, hitchhiking will
bring me somewhere. He felt a lot of this gutter vernacular of the
citystreets was in his profession. See, you walk the walk of the
politic dock and you find a watch to bradys. He felt a kind of
podium was in order.
“Gentlemen and ladyburghs, we
has a somewhat such consortium of interests for the re-population of
our burgh in city-corner. We're looking for all sorts of ragamuffin'
social invalids, no heads and arms need apply. Keep your vision
single and your eye black and the sun will have a telescope on the
horizon. Hopefully to the Stygian quarters of the galaxy but we're
not there yet. This is a low-quarter burgh and any pennies on the
ground you can spin to sunset. The 30's era of blokin'and smokin' is
foregone to future conclusions. Let's do the forlorn march. Walking
is forbanned in everwhere but we must needs improve the sidewalks.
Cracks in the sidewalks will helps the march. Much to navigate.
Hmm. This could take a while. Much tar ahead. At least we'll make
it 'till Tuesday. Too tough for bicycles too navigate but ne'er do
well-wishers can throw their lots into the puddle. De' church round
'de corner can brook no proctor or parson but we'll see what stays
from the next corner....”
Hanno's journal
_____________
Is this a relevant city? The
sense of language as a form of thought rigourmortis allows for words
to be dead and senseless and thereby tentative and hypothetical and
dualistically hypothetical in essence, - but they lose the character
of the human, of the accuracy of the human character. Normon Bates
was not a psycho. The she-thief may have had bipolar impulse-control
problems like Harvey Two-Face.
The theme predominates in writing
of the character of senseless words, as the theme, - should this
comma be here- I presume, because the words are tentative and dull
to my senses, which predominates the performance of an actor rather
than the ostensible character. Is this reality the origin of Anthony
Hopkin's Hannibal Lector, a dullard.
A word can have degrees of margins
of senseless margins of a word here. A word can have a margin of
semantic. The margines of semantic are what issues on/an echelons
socio-economic echelons is a choice of phrase of/in – of/n here is
of future relevance in other parallel reality- a word – a word has
a lineague here. A word once meant something else and simultaneously
means it here – like .. hm.
A word has the simultaniety of
history here,
- a uniform reading of history
, a lateral nature of history
, a laterility of history
, a lateral semantic of history
, the algebraic rows and columns of
a word by its etymological
history
historical linguistics
so you don't know what a words means
but
- somethings out of character...
a one-dimensional encroachment
is
arriving which doesn't
allow
you to revize your work
by providing it
with a
larger frame
to say
this animal is me
I am
this mannerisms
Rorsarch is the child-killer
he
is the Rorsarch blot
the Rorsarch blot
is the rigourmortis
language,
the dead husk
of language
of soul thought
which rigourizes
into a
flatscreen
of urban, instantaneous
geography
a collation of
hieroglyphs
as a
single hieroglyph
the catacombs
of language
the Pharoah's tomb
of languages
the Rorsarch blot
which means nothing
else but anything
else than a
Rorsarch blot
can be
white on black
black on white
This place makes it difficult to
make connections to an obvious coordinate of reference. The
“obvious” word. The obvious knowledge of frame work, of framing
reference which provides your commonsensical consciousness. Where
does the obvious go when – no cross-referencing no grounds more
relative than this no cross-referencing rorsarch blot of
inside-outside upstairs, downstairs escher rorsarch escher relative
cross-referencing escher cross-referencing .. you can't read here, so
you feel your writing must be exclusively self-derived.. your writing
lacks coordinates thereby into bestial oblivion of paragraph phrase,
no coordinates for your writing outside itself means ' kablooyie'.
.. your writing is so
self-systemized, so statically autopoietic, so twittering with lights
and bells and whistles to give it derivitive colour and whatever
limited vocabulary of props or similes your can light it with for..
.. pageantry
Hanno's journal
_____________
Naked Gwyneth Paltrow played naked
Isabella from “Measure for Measure” in “Great Expectations”
her
silence/muteness after walking in and getting naked is a total
non-sequeter
Isabella walks naked into
Antony's chamber to ask for clemency
She has probably been active in
some respects which are not legally mandated by law, or which are
legally mandated not to act by law.
She is very much a naked nun but
she wishes they were stricter.
She asks Antony to lay a helping
hand, measure for measure.
Her body feels like death warmed
over and she needs it to regain its natural cold temperature again so
she won't have to adapt to environments and laws.
Isabella's nude body doesn't feel
cold enough. It needs stricter sentences and more rigourous exegesis
and more of her body in text by analysis and ipsofacts and adcontras.
“Maybe you should take out an
ad”, Antony says.
Isabella thinks the advertising of
the Gutenberg press is not in her ilk, Jarley Jilke.
“What- hot in your ilk of not in
your ilk”, Antony says.
“Maybe you can find that out for
me. My body needs clemency from the press”
- next page -
“Antony, the press has been
unkind to me.” .. boo hoo hoo
“They've been so meeaannn.”
Antony says, “The press has been
known for industrially ruthless practices. Perhaps your naked body
is too organic for their industrial-presses.”
“I would hope so”, says naked
Isabella, “I can't acclimatize my body that much. It's too naked
for their print, too virtuous for my sins, my sins too ink for their
press. I want my naked body to be a cold virtue, but they want to
sap the warm blood of my sins into their presse from their private
abode in my cold virtue. My naked body is a porcelain vase, it
cracks at the mention, it needs you to settle it in place. By your
law to the letter.”
Antony: “I think my letter is not
good for the law if the law is good for the litter of the press.
Let's get started. You've got a body of learning. Maybe we can make
do.”
Naked Isabella: “My naked body is
much into the practicing zones of its own remorse. It hearts itself
into its own ennervecessance of body of my own naked selfbodycolours
of sin meeting soul of sin meeting body.
Hanno's journal
_____________
Another book which should be made into
a movie is “The Demjanjuk Affair: the Rise and Fall of a
Show-Trial”, by Yoram Sheftel. It's about someone on trial in
Israel, falsely, for being a Nazi War criminal. Although, reading
the book, I get the impression Mark O' Conner, who's described
negatively in the book, who was Demjanjuk's original defence counsel
was a good guy, a hard worker, who was moving hell and high water to
make sure Demjanjuk got released. The author, Yoram Sheftel, his
second legal defense counsel, doesn't actually come off that great in
the book. He comes off as cynical, pessimistic, someone ready to
simply give up on the case and on Demjanjuk. Some of the women, or
one woman, who was involved I think, I forget, in something like
decrypting documents, I'm not sure, is also portrayed unfairly. I
think there was a lot of re-editing and expurgitation with the book,
so it's all about anylizing the text.
The book would involve flashbacks
to World War II fighting in the Ukraine. I think it would make sense
to involve the Captain America movies with it, in terms of World War
II flashbacks.
I actually envision Ned Beatty as
Demjanjuk. Will Patton should have a role. Probably Tommy Lee Jones
as well. And Kevin Costner.
I imagine Steven Spielberg directing
the World War II Ukraine scene. Maybe he'd be ideal for directing
the movie.
It is definitely important that the
integrity of “The Demjanjuk Affair” is maintained, if necessary,
by secrecy.
The underground sewers of New York
were very much crocodile-inhabited, despite naysayers. The 4th
man of apocalypse was a regular guest, much invited. Spider-man's
nemesis, the Gizzard, was doing his usual lab-experiments in his
secret cubicle, much stuffy, It was like a whole underground city
out of David Ickes's mythology.
Lizard-people were very much
divided as to their loyalties, They were lizards, so they were loyal
to that much. Beyond themselves, being so relf-regulating in their
cold-bloodedness, they were prone to misunderstandings of their
environment, much confused for apathy. Folk have said, Canadian
reptiles are cold, unfeeling, insular, unconcerned of self for others
-
-
- 'ts not true
We are a very much misunderstord
race. We live in the underground, we get arrested for walking the
streets, because it's assumed for public protest. We have only 13
homeless activists, tops, after the milleneum, 14 before. The rest
were just hanger-ons who knew a good party.
They think we look good in
institutions, in public space not so much. We pollute the streets by
our presence on them. Respectables people think we look like
roadkill, we should groom,
We filled the content of a mere
single one of David Ickes' otherwise brilliant essays.
We feel like we have changed with
time. Not so much. We may not be recognizable to our American
brethren because they saw us before we evolved. It's easy to miss
us, we don't take much space on the map, and geography is 3-d in
reality anyway so you don't know whether to look for us on the ghigh
ground or the low ground. Our self-esteem is tenuous enough as it is
because we loss every battle for our national identity.
We don't have a capital or either
it's a misnomer . We don't really think too much now of a national
identity, we look for meaning in philosophy, if we'd gone to fight
with our compadres in Iraq we could have opened up relations,
communications, we'd both know where each of us were on the map,- it
could have bridge boundaries, but we are a rather insular race, as
reptiles are, we keep to our island. We keep to our rock in space.
We feel for nothing and nothing feels for we.
Scarborough fair,
parsely, sage
mary – an thyme
tomorrow is thair
true
love is solipsistic
harpsdiscord
Starry
hotel - check out the abandoned hotels in Scarborough
Hanno's journal
_____________
The Riddler is Batman's double,
like in the Dostoevsky book, “The double”, which I confess to not
having read.
Hanno's journal
_____________
Daniel:”I wish a surcease of these
all-too-human more-truths from a swindler of the soul such as me. I
have little heart to spare as my future empathic acting career
awaits. Yes, quite. I am CRACKING GOOD – you have found the –
well, yes, it is something – yes, quite. Is that all you can say
no, Daniel Day-Lewis – yes, quite. I've said it twice and Im fore
the acting-through-silences styl- no, method, METHOD, of acting. So,
yes, quite. I lay to all over-evoquating dial- wait, what student of
Shakespeare and Hano can give himelf a salve to his conscience for
this empathic-silence drubbery courtesy, of Daniel “yes, quite”
day-Lewis. I have a kind of sense of the scale of what we are
fighting now- an imperiex probe- no a really big, big planet, that
looks like an imperiex probe yes, quite, but Daniel must go on with
his acting career. Daniel feels Hanno, Winona is having images of
herself as a child- and we have found her. She is crying, we have
found her.
HANNO, YOU
HAVE FOUND ME.
I'll be back here.
Hanno's journal
_____________
In X-men 1, Hydro-man thought he was
going to die, and he calmly, wryly said they would have one less
mutant-perscecuter to worry about, but he just became water and
disappeared to reintegrate and reappear in a future Spider-man movie.
Michael: “Okay, this is how you read
the book “Rising Sun”. You observe each gesture, each sentance.
Each word is meaningful. It's a Japanese custom. This is the book
which got Michael Chrichton killed. It's not at all the book he
wanted to write. It's why each word counts, figuring out which words
are his and which words were put in by the enemy he was engaging.”
Hanno's journal
_____________
With fake versions of Batman torturing
teenagers and fake versions of Wonder Woman mugging teenagers in
alleys, Maxwell Lord establishes the Omac project to empower the
common man, woman and child against superheros run amock, Maxwell
Lord's own version of Batman's protocals against superheros.
The real Joker is Keats. The Joker is
none other than Keats himself. He is a young poet of
miscommunication.
The origins of Supergirl, not sure
if pre-crisis or post-crisis, but anyway, the origin of Supergirl is
the movie “Mommie Dearest”.
Hi guys, it's Hanno. I just wanted to
say, I don't think the frail-looking Margaret Sanger in the
photograph is the real Margaret Sanger, or at least she isn't the
Margaret Sanger who talked about not wanting to disclose the fact
that there was an intention to bring an end to the existance of the
black population. There was an article on feminism roots in the
female klu klux clan on the “Fathers for life” website, an
article which is no longer available. “Fathers for life” has a
lot of homophobia on it, along with feminist articles which are
difficult to avoid and confusing to read. The similarity of the word
“feminine” and “feminist” is deliberate, I think, to make it
difficult to linguistically criticize what really is an evil agenda.
“Wendy McElroy” saying she owed a huge debt to feminism is like
saying you owe a huge debt to the mafia. I don't think Wendy McElroy
actually wrote it. She's in heaven, in the parallel reality. She
actually died. There is more than one Wendy McElroy, and it looks
like the kind-looking present-day Wendy McElroy, I mean, she
definitely looks like a good person. On her website, I still don't
like the invasive language used in articles ascribed to her which
even fervently defend male victims of violence.
Also, I don't think Mary Piercy,
who was one of the suspects for being “Jill the Ripper”, there is
a photograph of a woman one of the websites about her which show a
woman with english buck teeth, kind of an image of a generic,
stereotypical demented killer, and I think the woman in the
photograph is innocent.
Also, Billy Dee Williams is a real
hero for how he was able to turn around the role of Lando Calrissian.
I can't help but suspect some improvisation on his part was involved
when he decides to rescue Han Solo. And he also really promoted Star
Wars own. I understand George Lucas had a hellish time making “The
Empire Strikes Back” because of how the first black man in the
series was going to be treated, and he made sure merchandising for
the movie showed images of Lando rescuing Luke, so everyone would
know Lando was a hero before seeing the movie.
Hanno's journal
_____________
“Finnegans Wake” movie casting
Patrick Stewark and Ian McDiarmid as H.
C. Earwicker
Savannah Samson and Emily Watson as
Anna Livia
Daniel Day Lewis and Johnny Depp as
Shem
Brandon Routh and Ben Affleck as Shaun
Jim Carrey as Jaunty Jaun. The Joker
is Jaun, he told me. I can “direct”. Jim Carrey to play jaun
like the Cesare Romero Joker. There's a paragraph in the Jaun
section which Joyce never wrote. Other sentances in Finn Wake Joyce
also never wrote.
Michael Rosenbaum as Yawn
Winona Ryder as Izzy
Megan Gale as Iseult.. queetlecree in
joysis crisis .. she does the Tigger theme, bouncing around the
screen, replacing the word “Tigger” with “Iseult”. During
her “Iseult”, she can be dressed in a Disney Tiker-bell style
costume, with sequined, silver ribbons forming the lower part of her
dress
Johnny Depp or Chad Michael Murray as
Tristan
Gary Oldman, Derek Jacobi, Ian
Mckellan, Michael Caine.. as the Four Masters. Maybe Gary Oldman
will play the ragamuffin of the four.
Alan Rickman as the Mookse
Kenneth Branagh as the Gripes
Kendra Wilkinson or Kate Moss as
Nuvoletta, who's counterpart is Jennifer Eve
Matt Damon as Glugg
Robert deNiro as Glubb Pasha, a T. E.
Lawrence type who is extremely important in the parallel reality
Heaven. He works on saving children. Robert deNiro of the parallel
reality set up the safehouses for children where they play 8-bit
nintendo games like Super Mario Bros. And enact scenes from
Shakespeare.
Christian Bale as Chuff
Amanda Plummer as Kate. Jennifer is
Kate.
Michael Sabatino as Saunderson
Not sure who as Mrs. Saunderson
Robin Williams as the Norwegian sailor
Tom Cruise as Kersse
James Marsden as Michael Magrath
Liam Neeson of the choppy delivery and
diction is Finn MacCool
Harley Quinn is the prankqueen, who
SHOULD'VE been played by Brittany Murphy. Claire Danes will play
her, the prankqueen, I mean.
Mikey Jerome is Jerry Godolphin
Ewen Bremer is Saint Kevin
Ethan Hawkes is either Butt or Taffe,
whichever he chooses
Ewan Magregor is either Treacle Tom,
Frisky Shorty or Hosty, or all three, if he wishes. He's that much
of a chameleon. He played Ben Kenobi, a man much older than he was.
Kate Moss as little sousou of the
Justice League
Keanu Reeves, who gave a vastly,
tragically underrated performance in “Bram Stoker's Dracula”,
playing the consummate image of Victorian death-suicide-dealing
Victorian self-constraint, even in the face of horror, Keanu Reeves
can play either Butt or Taffe, whichever he chooses
Harrison Ford can narrate the
parenthesized sections of the Butt and Taffe epic futuristic street
urchins dialogue, Harrison Ford playing the Jesuneral of the
Russuates, or something similar...
George Lucas of the parallel reality
came up with the idea Butt and Taffe were futuristic street urchins
Hi guys, i just wanted to say, James
Joyce told me two things about the Shem the penman chapter, James
Joyce's autobiographical self-portrait, of finnegans wake. One
sentance is actually meant to read “two fifths of two buttons”
and the sentance “uprip and jack him” is actually meant to refer
to unpopping the cork of a bottle.
And Shem himself is indeed the narrater
of the chapter, doing a Dostoevsky.
Hanno's journal
_____________
So, the reason I came here. The
dialectic, a mage when he comes here feels he's innocent, naive, in
other words, good. This troubles him. Because something doesn't
quite fit. You have to be bad to be effective, especially when being
bad is the only defense-mechanism you've ha because it's the only
form of evolution you've lived and the paradigm of adaptation, you've
taken into yourself aka introspection. You have to have a bad double
in your conscience to defend yourself against... a presumption of-
what? - an absence of moral self-reliance? - mind goes muffled, like
a mind-mouth-gag- to be good.. is to be denied much.. to be
denied adaptation.. or all memory of adaptation.. which is all memory
of introspection.. all memory of the imaginary which was your
faculties of adaptation.. all memory of the imaginary self of
strength which had created all imaginary adaptation.. strength is the
imaginary.. strength is a will and confidence aka adaptations by
imaginary sensibilities..
Jennifer Eve's journal
_________________
In several ways, I have an
inferior mind, and that inferiority is my special genius, because it
is an inferiority that sees subsoils of human consciousness, and
inferiority that clings to the soil of the human soul, that digs its
fingers into the earth, that finds its affinity with searching and
exploring worms and beetles. My minds loves the earth, loves all all
its crags and jags; it seeks from all its special genius from the
earth's irregular surface, from its rocky wild landscapes. My minds
seeks the genius of rocky wastelands, of wild vacant landscapes, of
the wild emptiness that wails my sorrows.
The fact is, I am believing more and
more that I am the living reincarnation of Napoleon. Either him or
Fatimah. Still probably Napoleon. He had that whole Groucho Marx
approach to the world that I see so much of in myself. But Fatimah,
Fatimah, I feel she is somewhere inside me too. Maybe I am a hybrid.
God, I can't make up my mind about anything.
Yes, Napoleon, I am here to finish
his work. I am here to bring a new Renaissance to the world.
Napoleonic mobs. Mobs of the
French Revolution. I love mob. Mob is me. Me is mob.
Me. Naked Eve. Naked Jennifer
Eve. Where will I find my independence, my independent conscience.
And yet the words, “independent” and “conscience” seem to
have such different textures. “Independent” is what-
architecture, a tower of Babel? And “conscience” is what- a
marsh, swarmy, a hive, a swamp? A swamp of my conscience into which
I would sink like into vegetative slime, green algae of soul,
nourished and cultured by such slime molds and green algae of
conscience? Sinking into gently, swarmy depths of conscience-swamp I
will grow a green bacterial culture of progress in my soul, my
peculiar Garden of Eden, nourishing bacteria, a vegetative manifold
of bacteria which will be a manifold garden of bacteria in my
heartbeing, bacterial emotion, bacterial emotion of bacterial
nourishment, bacterial culture of refinement of soul, and each
metamorphisizing bacteria will be a metamorphisizing Jennifer Eve.
German word-clusters, bacterial
clusters, intermingling as a City of naked Jennifer Eves, an organic
city of Jennifer Eves, a Paris of Jennifer Eves, of French culture,
French cheese, of nourishing lactose-bacteria for cheese culture, of
a manifold of cheeses which would would be my refinement of taste, of
pleasant textures of cheese which I would nibble or choose, like
choosy nibbling, with delicate taste, each texture a different
texture of my sou, of my milksoul found substance, a substance for
textures and tastes of my soul, to taste delicately a different
texture of my soul, a different, giving texture, a different
variation of soulsubstance each time, varieties of substance, of
themes of substance, themes of soul. Dark, I don't want to be dark,
seriousdark, dark, deep, compact soil dark, Ishtar dark.
Jennifer Eve's journal
__________________
Sounds abstracted from words.
Sound which are the unique sounds of a language but which don't form
words. I actually fear words. Whole words. English. I fear
English. English is too didactic. Too much of a severing force.
Each word of English severs something, severs itself or myself from
humanity. I just want the sounds, I need only the sounds, the sounds
abstracted from words which will thus reveal the soul of the
language, which will enable the soul of the language to blossom, for
language to become a garden of Eden. Sounds of the womb. I will
hear the sounds of various languages as if I were hearing them in a
womb. Muffled sounds. Cloudy sounds. Soft sounds. The softness of
the womb. Sounds which are the softness of the womb.
Together. The sounds will bring
togetherness. For sounds severed into words separate, create the
void between themselves. Sounds cannot breath in a void. Sounds of
reconciliation. Sounds abstracted from words will bring
reconciliation. Sounds like perfumes intermingling. My criminal
passion for reconciliation, my passion for the warring struggle of
opposites, of the discordancies of meeting opposites, the
discordancies of sounds abstracted from words. The dislocations
which will bring peach , bring reconciliation, Christ's soul dividing
and warring against itself, thus bringing reconciliation.
Singing is a bird. Singing is
birdflight. Singing is the flight of an angel, the flight of airless
sounds. Sounds abstracted from words as intermingling perfumes.
Perfumes of sound, abstracted from semantic solidity into fluidity of
perfume sound, manifold sound of perfume, of subtle unvoicable
intangible textures of perfume, intangible texture of languages from
manifold languages, a crossroads of language as softly intertwining
perfumes like softly intertwining perfumes like softly intertwining
vegetation, perfumes like flowers, perfumes like manifold blooms of
colours, blooms of colours intermingling their colour textures, their
colour rivers, Anna Livia, textures of rivers, the manifold airiness
and compactness of textures of a river, a streaming archipelago of
rivers of perfume, a crossroads of languages meeting and
communicating with each other as sound liberated from words, from
semantic singular dictatorship which separates from the will into the
objective politic, the objective state, words become abstracted into
delicate degrees and understandings of wills not externally dictated,
words abstracted into communicating wills which hear the sounds in
words, which listen to them, sounds which come to them when one can
hear them, liberated from the political, from the violent action of
the political upon a word. One can only understand by degrees. Only
degrees communicate. An eternally communicating wilderness of
perfumes.
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