The opening Act of Episode VIII.. Star Wars.. Force Uncanny.. for harry knowles and co.. and george lucas.. and rian johnson.. and for kathleen kennedy especially... poor poor kathleen..

screenplay written by joss whedon...

first shot of the movie, a stormtrooper eviscerates Rei with a blue lightsaber...

Rei:  poor dead muffins...

Finn arrives.. shoots the stormtrooper with a blaster..

Finn:  Hate doing that.  Just hate it.  So crude.  So tawdry.

Rei:  Spoilsport.  Was sort of.. enjoying that... arrgghh..

Finn:  Yeah, you would.  Typical of girls to .. wait.. what?.. enjoying .. a .. BLUE.. lightsaber?.. what?.. they use blue now..

Rei: .. yeah.. jealous of my blue lightsaber décor... they blue mooted me..

Finn:  one sec.. i'll get this saber out of you.. ahh..

Rei: .. better not.. it might bleed..

Finn:  what?.. the lightsaber might bleed?..

Rei: .. careful.. you might hurt the saber by moving it..

Finn:  what?  WHAT?  man, girls confuse me..

Rei:  We do that.  We're good at it.. it's how we use the force.. as paduan adepts..

Finn:  you're a paduan adept..

Rei:  Hardy har har...

Finn:  wait.. that lightsaber .. still feel guilty whenever I shoot a stormtrooper..

Rei:  easy their.. we all know guilt leads to the dark side...

Finn:   .. don't go their, Finn, don't go their.. you'll end up like Kylo Ren..

Rei:  .. donna wanna that to happen.. hate the way he beat me the last time we fought.. he cheated though.. by getting shot with a blaster first.. HA!.. arrghh ARRRGHH..

Finn:  wait.. i'll see if I can heal you..

Poe Dameroon arrives..

Poe:  i'll try.. i'll try some po valley healing....

Finn:  didn't know you were an adept..

Rei:  I don't trust him.. ARRGGHH.. man .. and I thought I smelled bad.. on the outside..

Poe:  Tatooine life does that.. arrrghh.. dammit.. I MEAN to be a gentleman and god knows what comes out of her mouth..

Rei shoots up bile..

Finn:  Don't Jabba on me, Rei...

Poe:  s'okay.. rei.. s'okay.. I won't fail at being a gentleman no more.. calm down.. calm down... easy their.. easy there.. okay..

   - a moment of serenity.. and then a close up of Rei's face, as her face glows with a green glow behind her.. Rei's face is serene with the dark the light hard to say.. then a green lightsaber glows out of the green glow behind her.. a familiar voice.. Kylo's..

Kylo Ren, hooded appars out of the mist of a dreamcape...

Kylo Ren:  .. the green scope of the force is a climate change for the soul.. the green metabolism of the soul brings a steady rhythm to healing.. heal it it, physician Rei, heal thyself.. get ANGRY, Rei..

Rei cries out with a fierce yell of Rei RAGE...

Kylo Ren:  good, rei, good... - Kylo Rei vanishes, his green saber is left behind -

Rei:  i'm good, guys.. i'm good..

Finn:  a mysterious benefactor..?..

Rei: .. something.. like it...

Poe:  .. wow.. i'm good.. heh...

Rei: .. yeah.. Poe.. you helped.. sorry.. you definitely... somehow.. helped..

Finn:  .. you pulled yourself out of it Rei.. totally healed...

Rei: - smiles - yes.. a mysterious.. benefactor...

- a dark foreboding force surrounds.. then stormclouds, snake-like stormclouds form around them, then THEN.. the stormclouds become BLACK GIANT SERPENTS of the DARK SIDE OF THE FORCE.. it is a Jedi SNAKE PIT their in.. then.. they hear a ROAR.. the roar of a RANCOR...

Finn: wait.. walls?.. where'd these walls come from..

Rei: - her lip trembling - .. captain.. phasma...

Poe:  Who?.. wait.. someone.. I should remember..

finn: ... wait.. me .. who?.. me who?

Rei:  what?.. who finn?

finn:  me who?.. me who?  .. me.. who...

Rei:  don't give in to guilt, Finn.. it leads to the dark side..

Poe:  i'm having trouble.. grasping this...

- the room is FILLED WITH GIANT SEE LOCH NESS BLACK SERPENTS OF BLACK FOG WITH CLAWS...

Rei:  - her lip trembling more, her face twitching - Don't give in to fear guys.. just .. don't .. wait  - they see a RANCOR approaching, ROARING -

Rei gets the green lightsaber, which retracts, unretracts, into .. a grappling hook .. Rei looks up.. with a winona ryder at the end of Bram Stoker's Dracula head face gesture looking straight up.. an imperial ship .. wait.. it's a comet-ship.. a boat-ship.. in the air, in the blue darkish darkling clouds... their's a closed compartment she spies beneath it's deck.. by it's stern..

Rei:  wait.. the blue lightsaber.. I need it.. Finn..

Finn:  sure

Rei shoots the green lightsaber grappling hook upward so it punctures the hull of the imperial boat cruiser above, while her comrades are still slow and dazed.. holding the blue lightsaber, she pulls reels herself upward the mystical grappling cable hook green lightsaber which appeared beneficiently to her before.. she reels herself up to the hull of the ship.. and uses the blue lightsaber to slash the closed compartment, which then slides open.. she skuttles inside..

Rei - inside the cruiser:  - speaking frenetically - Guilt leads to the dark side.. Guilt leads to the dark side...

Finn and Poe are on the ground surrounded by BLACK CLAWED SERPENTS OF THE FORCE  and  a RANCOR RIGHT BESIDE THEM....

Finn:  .. well.. at least Rei is safe.. THANK God!  THANK GOD!!!....

Poe:  .. girl knows how to make an exit...

Finn:  any lightsabers left...

Poe:  dunno think so...

Finn:  Well.. this is it we're going to die..

Poe; .. at least two of us are .. not three.. it's the ways of the force to save the girls...

The Rancor picks up Poe..

Kylo Ren: and the guys.. down boy...

the Rancor pauses, Kylo Ren lifts his hand.. the Rancor hesitates..

Kylo Ren:  Rei taught me well the calming influences of the force...

Finn:  - panicking, he does that - SHE DID?!!

Kylo Ren:  But Finn, you are quicker than the rest of us put together.. you sense the onset of danger well..

Finn: glad to hear it buddy...

Kylo Ren:  Serpents of Guilt.. Serpents of Guilt.. and Rei's Guilt may have eclipsed the Guilt of the rest of you.. which honestly, sincerely, like everything else.. is my fault.. I mennit..

Poe:  .. ahh.. man don't say that.. you're breaking my heart.. DAMMIT!!.. not a word i say comes out as sincere no matter how much i mean it...

Kylo Ren:  ahh - smiling - but you have mastered the arts of irony in the face of danger - the RANCOR puts Poe down..

Kylo Ren:  .. my fellow Ran, it is time to make your exit too...

The Rancor slowly lumbers off...

Kylo Ren:  Time for me to leave too.. the Serpents have disappeared along with Rei...

Finn:  Is she okay?

Kylo Ren: - calmly, almost sternly - Yes.  As Always. As always she will be.


    - the opening credit crawl comes on -

.. Long ago in a galaxy far, far away..

   - STAR WARS -

  .. Episode VIII - A force Uncanny...


just jossin' you guys,.. take it from here...


an opening act for episode VIII written by Joss Whedon....